Irenicus

I think there are many paths that can lead to excellence. It sounds like Carbonized is working on his the way he sees fit, as each and every one tries to. I don't think there's a right or wrong ideology here, merely which one fits to you - as you see yourself - and which doesn't.

It may seem brutal or unforgiving to some, having this very "realist" philosophy on life (and how to achieve what you want), but if it works for you and you aren't harming others for the sake of ego or success, do what you do. There is no ultimate answer that will fit for every single person. There are always options. What you choose, and how you react to the consequences of those choices, will speak volumes about one's character.

Johno1967

That's an interesting analogy and close to the Money box trap one. A book about mindfulness describes holding onto thought and feelings that hurt us and provide no tangible benefit as akin to the Money Trap. The traps works by a monkey sticking his hand into a box with a small hole to take a banana. The hole is small enough for an open hand to go through but too small for a closed fist with a banana to come out. The idea is a Monkey will not think to let go of the banana and free itself, therefore it struggles in vane to free itself and it could if only it let go of the banana.
Our lives and attachments to our thoughts, delusions and emotions are a bit like that. Sometime you got to let go to be free.

Johno1967

Above was monkey trap. Damn you spell check.

jdooner

I just wanted to say I really like your post, can relate and love the name. He was my favorite character in the book - sad he died last year in real life but doing what he loved most, running. I just write to someone else unrelated ot this post about Caboblanco and recommended Born to Run. Wow - so funny.

Anyhow, welcome.

Carbonized

Things are working out very well for me at the moment, all things considered. Not drinking, have solid job leads i'm following up, physical condition is much better with post alcohol weight loss and carrying around a heavy backpack everywhere i go. Still hurting when i move but i refuse to take painkillers as to use the pain as a form of motivation. (Not that there's any reasonable medical attention available anyway)

Mentally, i'm much sharper now than i have been for some time. Much harder also. Nothing like a state of sober homelessness to sharpen your edge just fine. Nothing better for pragmatic development. Given the nature of the competition around here i do believe that i could go head to head in a battle of will with just about anyone and come out victorious. It's just a matter of doing and enduring more than your opponent.

zjw

Carbonized I'd imagine some of your pain will lighten up as time passes. I was rather suprised how much better physcially i felt in time. It took longer then I would have liked but things got better in the pain department.

LadyBlue0527

Great post! It's amazing the things that used to make you go "NNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!" will now make you go "meh".

One would think it's the opposite. Things that used to flip me out at work barely phase me now.

Good to hear that you're doing well!

caboblanco

Thanks for the replies! I'm glad some of you see it the way i do, but to each their own though right? I'm glad your feeling better Dee! Sr isn't the same without you.

TrixMixer

Clearly Carbonized you have experienced a hard life. One that none of us are privy too. Maybe that is why you come across so angry. None of us can walk in anothers shoes, so you are certainly entitled to your view of life and your place in it.

I would suggest though that when you are feeling down you re-read the above and ask yourself: Is the elusiveness of that ONE main objective of yours so important as to detract from all the things you have accomplished?

Mainly your sobriety----People work a lifetime trying to attain that goal and die never achieving it. Give yourself the credit you deserve for being able to meet this unrelenting challenge. People who come through to sobriety are very special in many ways--they have a strength and resolve many will never achieve.

Stay strong and come here and talk often. Maybe having someone to listen will lighten your spirit. IMOO!

TrixMixer

Caboblanco--Great post! Very uplifting and inspiring. You have found the key many of us are still looking for. Happy you are in this very special place--life is lighter, eh?

karate

The dehydration with heavy alcohol use causes aches and pains - I feel good ,and im 46 ,still work out and work 50-90 hours a week and go to school .

Carbonized

Actually, i'm in (sometimes severe) pain from physical injuries that need surgery and extended downtime to heal from.

foolsgold66

Please take this in the spirit that is given, as in I would like to help. I've seen you talk about not wanting to take handouts or assistance from the government, and I can relate to that to an extent.

However, I'm sure you have held jobs and buy goods, and as such have paid various taxes for such, some of which was doing your part to help others in need that just needed a boost.

I think if such a boost is available to you in terms of getting a little assistance, you should not necessarily consider those handouts, but somewhat look at it as a little payback for your prior contributions.

I commend you for maintaining your sobriety in difficult circumstances most of us here have never experienced, and wish you well.

afloatsober

Thank you for your post.
Most of my life i have been driven by anger, resentment and bitterness.
I fought to achieve my goals and succeeded.
I lost all that i had built up. All that i thought gave me worth and status.
Wife, home, career, money, sanity and health.
Sacrificed in the end to alcohol.
Because i was unhappy and lost and afraid and alone.
And alcoholic.
I no longer strive for power, status and recognition.
My best moments sober are when i feel some inner peace and compassion for my fellows.
Still angry, bitter and resentful at times.
But still early days......
Lot of healing to do.
Thanks again.
G