laroo

You know, I'm getting pretty frustrated with the whole sober thing. I lurk around here and see everyone so positive, and I just wonder how in the hell they can be that way.

With that said... I admire you guys. I've been sober before, but didn't really Want to be. I know it takes more then a month to really feel a difference, and I know it will change... But right now it sucks.

Since I took my last drink; i feel more tired, because my sleep isn't totally normal. My skin is awful! I have broken out all over my face, and in my line of work, people look at that. I'm stressed, I feel like everything is happening so fast at a slow pace. I don't know how to describe it. I get overly emotional... I honestly don't know how to feel, and then it all hits at once and then I'm a weeping mess. With that said I some how feel like I've woken up from a coma, and there are a lot of things in my life that I thought were okay are really NOT okay. I am very paranoid about little things or even big ones. I'm so scared that the boyfriend is cheating, but I don't see how he has time to.

I'm whining.. To be honest, I'm doing better then I was and have noticed an improvement in my work, but dannnnnng. When does the happy sobriety vibes come in?

-carol

Dee74

I think it would be a mistake to assume everyone gets sober and life immediately becomes wonderful...it certainly wasn't that way for me...I had several months of wondering 'is this the best it gets"

I think I underestimated just how much damage I'd done to myself over the years - and not just physical damage, but emotional too...

It took me three months to start to see some new growth on this gnarled old stump of wood I'd become...don't give in yet Carol

I was wondering too - this is your second post...what kind of support do you have?
D

laroo

I have my self really. My boyfriend is here, but I honestly feel like he is babysitting me. I don't much like it at all. I go to a weekly group therapy, which is a joke. Then there is here, thats pretty much it.

I'm honestly trying this out again, but its very hard... Very very hard. Ugh! I know things normally get worse before they get better :-)

Dee74

why not join a thread for more regular support?

the August or September threads, or the Under One Year thread, are all great support networks

D

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs....

Give it a fair chance by staying sober..... Took a while for me to find out if, I had a problem with depression. As it turns out, the alcohol was causing my depression... I hurt so bad after some of my binges, I wouldn't drink for a month and then, I'd go back out and do it again

laroo

Oh trust me I totally understand breaking out in hand cuffs lol. Your both right I really need to give it a fair chance. I really do need to visit the boards more. Lately, my babysitter lol, has been around so much that I feel sort of embarrassed... But if he's gonna be around, he is just going to have to understand. :-) thank you

Dee74

your boyfriend is probably scared and probably doesn't completely understand alcoholism - trying to protect our loved ones is a pretty primal thing to do...

I'm sure he'll ease back a little, in time

have you spoken to him about it, at all?

D

Sleepless3

It is only 5 days for me this time. I did get sober for a lot of years, but made the mistake of thinking I could drink like a normal person again. All I can say is don't take the first drink.

tomsteve

slooooow down. ya didn't get to where ya are overnight. its gonna take T.I.M.E.
what could be happening is that you are now feeling everything that was hidden by alcohol for a long time.
yer seeing improvement, however, it reads like not as much as ya wanna see. a slight lack of patience,maybe?? if so, patience isn't about what yer doin while yer waiting. its about what yer thinkin, and it reads like yer thinkin so much yer tryin to solve everything at once.
take a step back. look at what you can change and change it. accept what ya cant.
now look at the positive:
you say ya don't know how to feel, but since yer breaking down( theres not a thing wrong with that) yer learning you CAN feel and theres nothing wrong with that!

zjw

you sound exactly how i did at 30 days. and probably at 60 and 90 and hten whenever I felt bad. I blamed sobriety for my bad times reality was it was the booze to blame but I digress. It got better however a lot better. Reading your post reminds me of my 30 days. I felt WHAT IS THE POINT!! I blindly went along with the sobriety thing because of all these happy go lucky ******* that kept blabbing about how friggen great it is to be sober. I also remember that evening thinking F this its been 30 days time for my dang reward. I pulled a cold beer out of the fridge smiled at the wife said I made it 30 friggen days I had a tough day this is BS I'm having a friggen beer i said!. I sat in my chair about to open it. She said is one bad day really worth it? went on to tell me how good i've done and was i really going to allow 1 stinken bad day to derail me? I thought Screw you of course I"m going to have this beer. Then her look of disappointment in me stung. I didnt open the beer I put it back in the fridge. That was the closest I came to picking back up. I'm so thankful for her and that I did not. Now I got over 2 years sober and my life has done a total 360. I still have problems life still has a lot of suck but it rolls off my back so many things have gotten so much better. I have a lot more to be thankful for rather then bitter about.

Give it time and hang in there. There isnt a bunch of lunatics on this board lieing to you about it being worth it.

Hevyn

Hi Carol. Sorry you're frustrated, but glad you wanted to discuss it.

I was just the same as you at 30 days. On one hand, I was very thankful to be alive and sober - but I can't say I was actually happy & joyful about it. The resentment & feeling sorry for myself was hard to get rid of (I'd been drinking for decades). Honestly, I was a little irritated with others & their cheeriness for awhile. I also had some guilt & remorse to work on, so that postponed my healing. Somewhere in the 2nd month I turned the corner, and began to feel enthusiasm, hope, and optimism once again. You will get there Carol.

pinkdog

Hi laroo, great job on a month. Early sobriety is rough. Your body is still healing. There's no certain time to feel better. It will happen though. I felt really great at 90 days. I was quite a mess when drinking, you will probably feel better sooner. Keep going. When you get enough issues resolved and your body has heeled enough. Great job.

zhask

I am very skeptical about all the happy people here, not that i don't believe them, but i'm not sure if they are ACTUALLY happy.

It very much reminds me of Dan Gilbert's speech at TED -- youtube.com/watch?v=4q1dgn_C0AU

sugarbear1

30 days is awesome! Remember it's just the beginning. How long did you drink? Is one month a large portion of time considering the years spent drinking?

Keep moving forward!! Maybe find a method for staying stopped like rational recovery, avrt, smart, life ring, sos, AA.

You are a miracle!!

Dee74

LOL I used to feel that way too Zhask - but I found sobriety really genuinely gave me back my joy

You don't have to believe me, but if I'm not happy I'm one HELL of an actor...

D

sugarbear1

Happy enough for many strangers to say things to me out of the blue....really positive things, too.

Content with myself. Calm with the world.

Today I have peace and my mind is mostly still.

Completely different than the petrified person who could barely go grocery shopping 2 years ago. Yes, I am a happy person today.

karate

Think about addressing the other issues that caused the drinking

I personally think we all have underlining issues .

Who else needs to be numb -that's not normal ?

FeenixxRising

It's hard to say Carol, everyone is different. But give yourself time, for some people a month isn't enough.

This time around I've found some peace and calm, and at some points a real sense of happiness. I firmly believe the reason I've been successful and happy during this period of sobriety is because I finally admitted deep down to my core that I am an alcoholic who will never be able to drink normally. Once I "fully" admitted--and more importantly--felt that I could never drink normally, I became comfortable with never drinking again. My obsession for alcohol has diminished greatly, and I've been able to focus on building a sober life.

In short, I feel at peace with never drinking again, and I find that I'm neither thinking about drinking, nor dwelling on not drinking.

Now, I'm not a long term sober man. But I can say that my attitude and feelings this time around have been significantly different than during my other periods of sobriety. So I urge you to keep up your sobriety; at some point you will become comfortable and happy with sobriety.

ProgressNotPerfection

i can so relate.it.gets.better

neferkamichael

At 3 years sober I agree sobriety isn't a cure all for everything. However, I have no alcohol related problems, can live for next to nothing, and I am much healthier. I am happier sober. Rootin for ya.