Leongecko

I'm just curious as to whether I should tell my family that I am an alcoholic. I don't live near them and I only visit infrequently. I haven't seen them for a while because I don't want them to see me like this, they always mention that ive put on weight, (I'm not fat by any means) but the main reason is that they all drink. All the time. Not for me to say if any of them are alcoholics, if they are they are high functioning, but they always meet in bars and pubs they are very close. Do I tell them I am an alcoholic and make them all uncomfortable, or make up lies to the inevitable barrage of questions as to why I'm not drinking?
I don't like lying to them (i can't really they are all psychic) but I also don't want to worry them.
Anyone have good or bad experiences of telling the family?
Thanks for listening

foolsgold66

You'll get good and bad stories. Personally, since you don't see them often perhaps postpone until you have a good deal of sober time under your belt and then decide how best to do so and prepare yourself for the assortment of reactions you may receive.

EndGameNYC

There's no reason to rush or worry over such matters in early sobriety. Your recovery is your time, and the focus should always be on you. During the few times when you meet with family members, and if they make comments about your not drinking, just tell them you're laying of for awhile.

BarbieKen

I just came back from visiting my folks ( in their 70's). Mom still drinks, Dad quit 29 years ago. The was the first time they saw me since I entered rehab and admitted I was an alcoholic. Proud of me....yes! Silence the times after I said something,anything about me being an alcoholic, the AA Program etc etc....Yes! If they were uncomfortable, I can't change their feelings. After the first silence, I said it's ok to talk about this, it's a huge relief actually. Truth.

BarbieKen

Mighty Mouse,
I really don't understand why you're suggesting to "just tell....." Should we only tell our family after some amount of 'time' is under our belts? I'm thinking of my folks specifically, they've watched my alcoholism grow over 30 years. Definitely the OP focus is on his own day to day sobriety. Just my 2 pesos. Bobbi

DoubleBarrel

You know your family.

In my case, they are totally unsupportive. Therefore, I have said nothing.

If you have the kind of family that welcomes such things, by all means tell them.

We really over think it. My sister, who drinks like a fish, asked if I was drinking, and I said no. She asked why not, and I said its not very healthy.

She paused a second, said, yeah, I suppose you're right, and then took a big swig of her beer.

There is nothing more annoying to me than someone who is drinking who wants to talk about recovery. So with certain people, I don't bother, cause they just cannot understand.

EndGameNYC

Hey BK.

Given the parameters of the OPs comments, my response seemed to me the line of least resistance. It's more an issue of survival during early sobriety than it is about feeling ashamed, being secretive or not telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

My family knew I was an alcoholic when I relapsed five years ago, and they had pretty much known me as a sober person during most of my adult life. I hid nothing from them, and the subject of my not drinking never came up in my twenty five years of sobriety.

If I were attempting to make any kind of point, it would be that we don't need to create any unnecessary and avoidable pressure on ourselves early in our recovery.

Dee74

I pretty much told everyone in my family when I got sober, but I wouldn't handle it that way now.

I was 40, I was not especially close to my parents - telling my folks didn't make a whole lot of difference either way and really made no difference to my recovery.

It made me feel better unburdening myself, but I wonder now if I worried them. We/they never talk about stuff like that, so I'll never know.

If you're doing it for them, if you're especially close to your folks and you think they deserve to know, for whatever reason, then sure...

but if it's just to unburden yourself, to go with the flow, or to make it easier to refuse drinks, I dunno, man.

I actually found it was pretty easy to say no thanks when I was committed to being sober, and really that no thanks is all that most people need to know - some folks might want more explanation sure, but it's none of their business really.

D

lizw

I never got to 'tell my family' as they all sort of knew before me and had my then young daughter living with them because of my drinking.

I was sort of the last one to know I was an alcoholic as crazy as that sounds.

Nevertheless

I probably wouldn't put the alcoholic word on the table. But when a beer fest or drunkfest situation comes up. All that really needs to be said is I don't do that anymore. It was causing me too much grief.
That will probably make your distant family more distant. But lets face it. If the main feature of a visit with these people entails drinking. And you don't drink any more. The math is pretty simple isn't it?
Thats the way it is with a lot of my old friends. They still drink. I don't. We rarely get together. But we are still good friends. Just another chapter in life,but this chapter has no booze.

Fred

lorelei

hey LG

None of us know how someone will react, but love you so they will worry but they will most probably support you, be concerned for you and be there for you. I found it good to tell people, that I had stopped drinking as I was relying on it too much, as it kind of held my accountable and I would be much more aware if I slipped, people would be watching iykwim. whereas if I kept it to myself, who would know, I could carry on, and noone would really know!

You could test the waters, mention drinking has become a bit of a crutch, a coping mechanism, then decide how much more to say based on their response, whatever you decide, we are all here for you.
L x

blackoutgirl

A couple of years ago I was honest with my family about drinking, opened up to my mom, sister, and brother. I'm not very close with them and don't see them very often, though. This time around, I haven't mentioned anything to them. Like Dee said, it doesn't make a difference one way or the other. I see them so rarely, they probably are oblivious anyway.

FBL

Our family is pretty close, so I had no problem telling them. In fact, most of them were very worried about me and were happy that I finally quit.

LDT

In my own case, telling my family would have been like taking a front page ad out in the largest newspaper in the country . There would have been no privacy, empathy, discretion, and my "problem" would have immediately become their problem and burden. So I just quietly quit and have no intention of telling them why. When we're together I just don't drink. And I'm very pleasant about it as well.

zjw

I had no intention of telling family cept maybe a select few. I mentioned it to my wifes sister told her to keep it quiet she went and blabbed to the wifes side of the family ::facepalm:: I thought great now my father in law has one more reason to dislike me. I mentioned it to my mother after a long time of thinking it over. I have not told my father and dont really intend too.

To me its kind of a need to know sorta thing. If they have a need to know tell them other wise its not worth hucking your emotions out there. Thats just me. I'd prefer to not have to explain myself or walk around with the big red "AA" on my chest to some of these folks. In my case some would like to belittle me over it. Others may try to be helpful and supportive when at this point its too little too late. To me its not worth the friction etc.. that whole need to know thing.

zjw

oh and to top it off last time I visited them. they all drank discretely and tried to hide it. Ya know dont tempt him he's that alcoholic ay know. It angers me just because I have an issue doesnt mean everyone else needs to go drink there booze in a closet!!! I guess this is there problem not mine but this is why I didnt want the whole world knowing. *sigh*

caboblanco

I never told my family about my alcohol abuse let alone my recovery. I know for my mom it would be too much for her to bear even if im in recovery. I figure, why break her heart unless im in really bad physical health? I far as I'm concerned there is nothing anybody can do for me for my recovery besides

myself. There is probably two people that know about my drinking and they gossiped and used it against me countless times. This is just my opinion. I don't think telling your family is necessary unless you really need their support. Financially or otherwise. In which case they still might not support you because they lost some trust in you.

Leongecko

This is exactly the situation I expect will happen!
Thanks so much to all of you for your replies, i had a feeling this would be a very personal issue for different people, I'm really grateful thanks.

zjw

yep its thoughtful of them to drink discretely etc.. there intentions are probably in the right place. But it also makes me feel like I should be quarantined i'm some how ruining everyones fun etc.. They used to drink with me and in front of me. I noticed family members disappeared only to find them in another room or out on the porch anywhere but where i was all congregated and drinking beers together *sigh*.

caboblanco

man if my family was drinking behind my back to hide alcohol from me I would put my foot down and tell them to cut it out. That would really get on my nerves!