Tetra

I was in denial about my alcoholism for years.

My mother is also in deep denial about her own illness.

I had finally begun to understand that her issues are nothing to do with me. Today I slipped back a bit.

She is clearly depressed...and paranoid and anxious...and whatever else.

I came home today after spending the day helping my sister and her husband move house.

My mom greeted me at the door with: "how is your sister and the Romanian potato-peeler?" (My brother in law hasn't worked in a hotel for years, he now drives a taxi. Everyone has to make a living, right? I should also add that Romanian people are not liked here in Ireland.)

I was very tired and not in the mood for her ****, so I suggested that she go for a long walk along by the lake. She said "how can I go for a walk? What if I meet Mrs Jones or one of the other neighbours and they ask me how my children are?" I said "well what do you mean?" She responded: "You are an unemployed alcoholic and your sister is seriously mentally disturbed and married to a Romanian".

I was stunned...my dad walked in at this point and they had a row. She said the "crazy" genes come from his side of the family. Then she began screaming at me and told me "to make yourself useful for once in your life and clean the ******* dishes".

Her tone and language really disturbed me. She hasn't left the house for three weeks, (not to go for a walk, to the local shop, nothing), yet in her view I am the mental one. I know that she is anxious about the fact that my sister and brother in law are off to Romania for a holiday. It has taken me a very looooong time to accept that my mom has a (serious) illness too. Hers is untreated though...I am in therapy for mine.

I try to be kind to her....but she makes it so ******* hard!!!!

Anyway, thank you for reading and letting me vent a bit.

Gottalife

When I sobered up my mother's drinking got worse. 33 years later she's still going. I think the only reason she's still alive is that God doesn't want her.

We pulled out all the stops to help her. Two treatments and all the help we could offer, but she just doesn't want to stop. Whenever I saw her she was just a seething pit of resentment. She hates our entire family with a passion. And the resentment has kept her drunk. Maybe that's why resentment is regarded as so dangerous to alcoholics.

I don't see her these days. There is no point. She doesn't know her grand children, she's missed out on so much. But there is nothing more that I can do except pray for her.. Which has reminded me that is what I need to be doing.

JustODAAT

I just wanted to say hello and that I also have a mother who is an alcoholic in denial. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the connection between her alcoholism and mine (beyond the genetic obvious).

My mother is also an angry drunk. I spent my youth being berated only to have her black out and not remember a thing she said. It's awful.

I only offer something my grandfather used to say: "People [including your mother] spew all sorts of sh*t. That doesn't mean you have to eat it."

[Gottalife, the line about how God doesn't want her made me laugh out loud.]

Kathleen41

Wow, that's pretty bad. My mom's pretty bad too. She once told the guest at my baby shower that I am a real bitch when I'm pregnant. She says all kinds of inappropriate and just plain wrong things!! And if I say "that's really not appropriate." She goes into "don't you start up on me!!" It's crazy.

Sounds like you are living with her right now out of necessity. I hope you are able to move out in the not too distant future. Hang in there!!

Boleo

Don't
Even
No (know)
I
Am
Lying

IOAA2

During some periods of my sobriety I needed to attend Al Anon and recall a phrase. "if I'm invited to a fight I don't have to accept the invitation." BE WELL

Kathleen41

Yes, "I don't have to attend every fight I'm Invited to!!"Very very true. And when I'm able to exercise this declining of the invitation, it works perfectly.