restless and anxious... this is normal, right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
restless and anxious... this is normal, right?
Been sober for 97 days now... maybe 98, cannot remember.
Anyway, the last few weeks I've just felt super restless, like something has to change. I don't know what needs to change though. I sometimes feel like it's my job that needs to change, or that I need to break up with my girlfriend due to a number of incompatibilities we have...
I just feel like something just needs to happen and I don't know what it is.
and it's driving me nuts.
Has anyone else experienced this? Normal? Abnormal? Thoughts?
Anyway, the last few weeks I've just felt super restless, like something has to change. I don't know what needs to change though. I sometimes feel like it's my job that needs to change, or that I need to break up with my girlfriend due to a number of incompatibilities we have...
I just feel like something just needs to happen and I don't know what it is.
and it's driving me nuts.
Has anyone else experienced this? Normal? Abnormal? Thoughts?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I read in an earlier post that you are "loosely working AA."
Maybe it's your recovery that has to change. Put more effort into it. Maybe what you are feeling is discontent in your sobriety.
Maybe it's your recovery that has to change. Put more effort into it. Maybe what you are feeling is discontent in your sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
my first reaction was to say that you have no idea what you're talking about.
but I have made a vow to not be reactive any more.
I think what you say has merit, on some level. I can do more, but I do not feel discontent with my sobriety... any more than regular anyway.
I definitely feel discontent with a number of aspects of my life, which can be (and have been historically) triggers for drinking.
but I have made a vow to not be reactive any more.
I think what you say has merit, on some level. I can do more, but I do not feel discontent with my sobriety... any more than regular anyway.
I definitely feel discontent with a number of aspects of my life, which can be (and have been historically) triggers for drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
Yeah, I know what you mean about being discontent and restless. It seems to creep into my life often. I work on acceptance and that seems to help. A piece of advice I heard when you are discontent with something is that you have three choices around it- accept it, change it, or eliminate it.
I try to work in acceptance because many people and circumstances are impossible to change or eliminate(not all). It may take awhile to accept some things but it does bring me some peace of mind over time.
I also try to watch my mind and observe the way my mind labels things. Things are as they are but my mind continually labels things good or bad- more often in a negative light. Trying to not be attached to these thoughts has helped.
I try to work in acceptance because many people and circumstances are impossible to change or eliminate(not all). It may take awhile to accept some things but it does bring me some peace of mind over time.
I also try to watch my mind and observe the way my mind labels things. Things are as they are but my mind continually labels things good or bad- more often in a negative light. Trying to not be attached to these thoughts has helped.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I have had and continue to have the same feelings of ambivalence. I too used those feelings as an excuse to go back to drinking.
The truth is, your life isn't perfect, and either drinking made it so, or drinking covered it up.
Once we are sober, it takes time to "sift through the wreckage of the past" as they say.
You are at a real critical point. 90 days is awesome!
But it really is the point where you are pretty much done with the major quitting, and the work on recovery begins. Don't let it trip you up, this is the point where things really start to get BETTER finally.
AA says not to make any major life changes up to a year. I concur. You need time to figure out who you are SOBER in relation to your job, your significant other, etc.
I have found, that in many instances, the problem is ME. And the upshot if that is at least that is something that I can control and change and work on.
Sounds like you are right on target. Its an uncomfortable place, I grant you that, but understand that its absolutely appropriate to be feeling the way you are right now.
The truth is, your life isn't perfect, and either drinking made it so, or drinking covered it up.
Once we are sober, it takes time to "sift through the wreckage of the past" as they say.
You are at a real critical point. 90 days is awesome!
But it really is the point where you are pretty much done with the major quitting, and the work on recovery begins. Don't let it trip you up, this is the point where things really start to get BETTER finally.
AA says not to make any major life changes up to a year. I concur. You need time to figure out who you are SOBER in relation to your job, your significant other, etc.
I have found, that in many instances, the problem is ME. And the upshot if that is at least that is something that I can control and change and work on.
Sounds like you are right on target. Its an uncomfortable place, I grant you that, but understand that its absolutely appropriate to be feeling the way you are right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Its kind of how it is. at least thats how it was for me. the anxiety was unbearable pretty much all the time when i sobered up. I felt great discontentment with tons of stuff. Debilitatingly so too. One thing was my job so much so about all i could do was show up much more then that was asking too much out of me its amazing i'm still employed.
As time passes it eases up you learn how to roll with the punches and how to weed things in and out of your life so that you can find the balance your looking for that brings more contentment.
I'm not sure if you will ever find total satisfaction. I know Im still having huge issues with my job and a few other things that are not within my power to change right now so I have to roll with the punches and accept it for how it is and do the best that I can. If my best is not good enough then oh well not much else i can do about that.
As time passes it eases up you learn how to roll with the punches and how to weed things in and out of your life so that you can find the balance your looking for that brings more contentment.
I'm not sure if you will ever find total satisfaction. I know Im still having huge issues with my job and a few other things that are not within my power to change right now so I have to roll with the punches and accept it for how it is and do the best that I can. If my best is not good enough then oh well not much else i can do about that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel 
I have had and continue to have the same feelings of ambivalence. I too used those feelings as an excuse to go back to drinking.
The truth is, your life isn't perfect, and either drinking made it so, or drinking covered it up.
Once we are sober, it takes time to "sift through the wreckage of the past" as they say.
You are at a real critical point. 90 days is awesome!
But it really is the point where you are pretty much done with the major quitting, and the work on recovery begins. Don't let it trip you up, this is the point where things really start to get BETTER finally.
AA says not to make any major life changes up to a year. I concur. You need time to figure out who you are SOBER in relation to your job, your significant other, etc.
I have found, that in many instances, the problem is ME. And the upshot if that is at least that is something that I can control and change and work on.
Sounds like you are right on target. Its an uncomfortable place, I grant you that, but understand that its absolutely appropriate to be feeling the way you are right now.
The truth is, your life isn't perfect, and either drinking made it so, or drinking covered it up.
Once we are sober, it takes time to "sift through the wreckage of the past" as they say.
You are at a real critical point. 90 days is awesome!
But it really is the point where you are pretty much done with the major quitting, and the work on recovery begins. Don't let it trip you up, this is the point where things really start to get BETTER finally.
AA says not to make any major life changes up to a year. I concur. You need time to figure out who you are SOBER in relation to your job, your significant other, etc.
I have found, that in many instances, the problem is ME. And the upshot if that is at least that is something that I can control and change and work on.
Sounds like you are right on target. Its an uncomfortable place, I grant you that, but understand that its absolutely appropriate to be feeling the way you are right now.
My relationship, however, is different. I don't expect her to be 100% understanding when it comes to my sobriety/recovery. She's not an alcoholic so I cannot expect that. I should be able to expect, however, that she doesn't come to my house and bring wine with her (during my first week of sobriety) and drink in front of me. However, that's an expectation I have of her that I felt that I didn't need to verbalize, so I did not.
I expect her to understand that I dislike being nagged about cleaning all of the time, or other things I find insignificant.
Basically, we're having the same problems we did back when I drank, but this time I'm not getting drunk and having a huge argument about it with her on the phone. Now I'm sober and I am allowing myself time to process things before reacting. I still don't know the answer though. I don't know what to do.
Some days I'm afraid if I stay with her the stress will make me drink. Other days I'm afraid if I leave her my son will act out (he loves her) and that stress will make me drink. On my worst days I feel like I earned the position I have in life. On the best days I'm optimistic about everything.
Most days, however, I just don't know.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 852
8 days sober, very normal. Just keep fighting and try to find out how you can live a life feeling happy. Maybe it's the job or the girl, but only you know deep down what's making you feel this way. Just gotta makes the changes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Again, we share similarities regarding relationships.
I am married, but have found that really, when I was focused on what my wife was doing "wrong', I wasn't paying attention to my part in it.
You stated that you thought she should not bring wine home and drink it in front of you.
Why not?
To a normal person, there is absolutely no way they can understand the struggle. She isnt a mind reader. Have you had a long honest talk with her, to explain how you feel? It might do wonders.
You have to remember that we were a particular way for a really long time, and the people around us adapted to that.
Then we change, and get upset/frustrated that the whole world doesn't change with us. Well, no ****.
You will get better at figuring this stuff as time goes on, and she will too, but you need to talk talk talk, not resent her, and think she should just intuitively know what you think and are experiencing in your own head.
I am married, but have found that really, when I was focused on what my wife was doing "wrong', I wasn't paying attention to my part in it.
You stated that you thought she should not bring wine home and drink it in front of you.
Why not?
To a normal person, there is absolutely no way they can understand the struggle. She isnt a mind reader. Have you had a long honest talk with her, to explain how you feel? It might do wonders.
You have to remember that we were a particular way for a really long time, and the people around us adapted to that.
Then we change, and get upset/frustrated that the whole world doesn't change with us. Well, no ****.
You will get better at figuring this stuff as time goes on, and she will too, but you need to talk talk talk, not resent her, and think she should just intuitively know what you think and are experiencing in your own head.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: US
Posts: 637
I'm coming up on 9 months, GJ, an had similar feelings around 3 months. I realized that for too many years I used alcohol to dull feelings of discontent. Or I ignored them until the nightly buzz washed them away. Drunk-hangover, drunk-hangover...ugly cycle.
Exercise stabilizes my moods and it's often while exercising that my mind is sharpest to work through action plans to solve problems or make improvements. It's not a cure-all but something that helps me stay the course.
Congrats on soon to be 100 days.
Exercise stabilizes my moods and it's often while exercising that my mind is sharpest to work through action plans to solve problems or make improvements. It's not a cure-all but something that helps me stay the course.
Congrats on soon to be 100 days.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by HereIAm321
"Alcoholics are restless, irritable, and discontent."
Says AA.
Says AA.
You getting sober changed your relationship with your GF. You are no longer the same person now as you were when you were drinking. Sometimes this is great for the relationship . . . sometimes is brings things to a head and the relationship ends.
I was pretty raw at your stage of sobriety. My marriage was put under a lot of stress AFTER I got sober. I wasn't going to bury issues or settle for a crappy relationship anymore. Things changed and for the better.
Perhaps give it some time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 138
Originally Posted by ru12
I think everyone feels this way from time to time regardless of their alcohol use.
You getting sober changed your relationship with your GF. You are no longer the same person now as you were when you were drinking. Sometimes this is great for the relationship . . . sometimes is brings things to a head and the relationship ends.
You getting sober changed your relationship with your GF. You are no longer the same person now as you were when you were drinking. Sometimes this is great for the relationship . . . sometimes is brings things to a head and the relationship ends.
I learned that sobriety is about learning to deal with the full spectrum of emotions, negative to positive and everything in between. I learned to be more patient with myself as I got used to that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
GoodbyeJose
Congrats on almost 100 days.
I think many alcoholics know that feeling. I had it and it led to many failed attempts to stop drinking.
I drunk to fill a void that could not be filled. I discovered that a spiritual approach has given me that "missing something" and is connecting me to my true nature. Don't get restless anymore. Too busy living in the now.
Try this: sit on a chair, close your eyes, relax and scan your body toes to head looking for tension, relax and breath. Now focus on your breath and just let go of any thoughts or emotions that invade, acknowledge them but don't grasp or fight. Just let it go and focus on the breath. Try it for a couple of minutes and open your eyes. See how the world seems clearer. Practice spot focus relaxation often and try to sit for about 20 minutes a day.
Look up mindfulness meditation. Easy as breathing but takes effort. The mind does not like to relax and be quietened.
Congrats on almost 100 days.
I think many alcoholics know that feeling. I had it and it led to many failed attempts to stop drinking.
I drunk to fill a void that could not be filled. I discovered that a spiritual approach has given me that "missing something" and is connecting me to my true nature. Don't get restless anymore. Too busy living in the now.
Try this: sit on a chair, close your eyes, relax and scan your body toes to head looking for tension, relax and breath. Now focus on your breath and just let go of any thoughts or emotions that invade, acknowledge them but don't grasp or fight. Just let it go and focus on the breath. Try it for a couple of minutes and open your eyes. See how the world seems clearer. Practice spot focus relaxation often and try to sit for about 20 minutes a day.
Look up mindfulness meditation. Easy as breathing but takes effort. The mind does not like to relax and be quietened.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I think feeling unsure about yourself is normal. I know there are days I am on cloud nine in my confidence levels and other days, not so much. I second guess myself and my actions.
I will say that expectations are just premeditated resentments and resentments will kill the alcoholic. It is the number one offender. I know it was for me.
I may, at times, get frustrated about the actions or inactions of others but I try real hard these days not to create a resentment about it. I have no control over what another does and more important what or how they think. It is is really none of my business.
IMO I would tell her about your feelings. This is new to us, or at least to me. I never told anyone how I felt or if I did it was with anger and resentment. I know I yelled and screamed my feelings many times and every time it was backed with those anger and resentments because they had festered in me to the point that I exploded.
Try to figure out what they are truly based on and then try and express them. If you have to write it down or type it out, then do so. I know it helps me to center my real issue and leave the crap out of it. It also gives me a chance to look at myself in the problem. Is there anything that I am doing, feeling or projecting that may also be part of the problem.
I will say that expectations are just premeditated resentments and resentments will kill the alcoholic. It is the number one offender. I know it was for me.
I may, at times, get frustrated about the actions or inactions of others but I try real hard these days not to create a resentment about it. I have no control over what another does and more important what or how they think. It is is really none of my business.
IMO I would tell her about your feelings. This is new to us, or at least to me. I never told anyone how I felt or if I did it was with anger and resentment. I know I yelled and screamed my feelings many times and every time it was backed with those anger and resentments because they had festered in me to the point that I exploded.
Try to figure out what they are truly based on and then try and express them. If you have to write it down or type it out, then do so. I know it helps me to center my real issue and leave the crap out of it. It also gives me a chance to look at myself in the problem. Is there anything that I am doing, feeling or projecting that may also be part of the problem.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
GoodbyeJose, 97 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I'm 3 years sober, 2 years no cocaine, 1 year no cigarettes, cut back on the sugar considerably, and I am doing good as far as being "chemical independent" goes. The intensity of the anxiety has decreased but the anxiety isn't going away. Staying sober is never gonna solve all the problems I have and changing my behaviors is not going very good, or rather very fast. I have the most difficult time "staying in the present moment", or living 1 day at a time. Those are ideas that are alien to me, never thought about such things until I sobered up. I'm learning to focus on other issues in my life besides sobriety and it's all going dead slow, but I am making progress. I'm beginning to understand that giving up the chemicals is the easy part. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel
AA says not to make any major life changes up to a year. I concur. You need time to figure out who you are SOBER in relation to your job, your significant other, etc.
Congrats on over 3 months, that's a good chunk of time!! But.....I think the reason for the above suggestion given by AA is that the recovering alcoholic's mind/life reset takes a good while. 1 year is conservative in my book. I was extremely frustrated with my wife & job at 2-3 years sober over things that if I would have bailed on either of them it would've been a huge mistake.
You won't be the same person with the same level of irritation in 9 more months if you're working a good program, which it sounds like you are.
Keep coming back here, we all benefit from each other!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
There is some fantastic advice in this thread. It's made me think about a few things a bit differently.
What I love the most about the fellowship of fellow alcoholics is just knowing that I'm not alone in how I think.
Today is day 100 btw!!
What I love the most about the fellowship of fellow alcoholics is just knowing that I'm not alone in how I think.
Today is day 100 btw!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
