New attitude to alcohol
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
New attitude to alcohol
I'm 15 years sober and appear to be going through a change in my attitude to alcohol and wonder if anyone else has experienced this.
I think for along time I have been scared of alcohol and drunk people but I have recently started a relationship with someone who drinks a bit (so does his mates) and am actually finding out about the 'fun' that can go along with other peoples drunkenness.
I am noticing people become rather chatty, funny and witty when they drink excessively and drinking appears to give them a sort of release from life's troubles/stresses.
I especially get a lot of joy out of watching them do dumb things and find it rather comical. I also enjoy hearing their drunken stories.
My experience as an alcoholic was I generally passed that comical stuff and ended up tragic - ended up in arguments, passed out or in another city.
Anyone else had this experience when it comes to a new attitude to alcohol?
I think for along time I have been scared of alcohol and drunk people but I have recently started a relationship with someone who drinks a bit (so does his mates) and am actually finding out about the 'fun' that can go along with other peoples drunkenness.
I am noticing people become rather chatty, funny and witty when they drink excessively and drinking appears to give them a sort of release from life's troubles/stresses.
I especially get a lot of joy out of watching them do dumb things and find it rather comical. I also enjoy hearing their drunken stories.
My experience as an alcoholic was I generally passed that comical stuff and ended up tragic - ended up in arguments, passed out or in another city.
Anyone else had this experience when it comes to a new attitude to alcohol?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Congratulations on 15 years sober.That's amazing.
I don't like being around people drinking,well getting drunk. I find them silly, annoying and not very interesting. I'm only 9 months sober though. Maybe in time it will change but I hope I never find them interesting or enjoyable,I would be concerned about romanticizing alcohol would make it seem appealing and then it wouldn't belong before Iwent back to it
I wasn't sure from your post if you enjoy being with people drinking and now you're thinking maybe you weren't that bad which might lead you to drink again or if you are somehow enjoying watching their bad experiences/behaviour which re-affirms your sobriety. I have no advice for you as I'm newly sober, just my thoughts
I don't like being around people drinking,well getting drunk. I find them silly, annoying and not very interesting. I'm only 9 months sober though. Maybe in time it will change but I hope I never find them interesting or enjoyable,I would be concerned about romanticizing alcohol would make it seem appealing and then it wouldn't belong before Iwent back to it
I wasn't sure from your post if you enjoy being with people drinking and now you're thinking maybe you weren't that bad which might lead you to drink again or if you are somehow enjoying watching their bad experiences/behaviour which re-affirms your sobriety. I have no advice for you as I'm newly sober, just my thoughts
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 59
When I first stopped drinking, 11 years ago, I was wary or afraid of alcohol. Wary in the sense that I wouldn't have it in the house and avoided drinking places.
After several years the fear gradually evaporated and I just had a very benign attitude towards it. I had no inclination to drink myself and could have it in my house etc at Christmas or if I had guests.
Like you, my attitude towards alcohol changed, quite out of the blue and for no apparent reason, after 11 years. I didn't see it as 'fun', but saw that it appeared to help other people relax and de-stress.
I forgot what the 'appealing' or even glamorous side of alcohol does or can do, and how it can transform a firm belief into a denial.
I drank glasses of wine here and there for several years after my 11 years sober. This was the very worst thing I cold have done. I have shown disrespect for myself. I conveniently forgot where alcohol can lead me and what I will become. Alcoholism is progressive. I have had a wake up call.
I am once more afraid of alcohol and I feel in a safer place.
After several years the fear gradually evaporated and I just had a very benign attitude towards it. I had no inclination to drink myself and could have it in my house etc at Christmas or if I had guests.
Like you, my attitude towards alcohol changed, quite out of the blue and for no apparent reason, after 11 years. I didn't see it as 'fun', but saw that it appeared to help other people relax and de-stress.
I forgot what the 'appealing' or even glamorous side of alcohol does or can do, and how it can transform a firm belief into a denial.
I drank glasses of wine here and there for several years after my 11 years sober. This was the very worst thing I cold have done. I have shown disrespect for myself. I conveniently forgot where alcohol can lead me and what I will become. Alcoholism is progressive. I have had a wake up call.
I am once more afraid of alcohol and I feel in a safer place.
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Thanks guys. And I have no desire to drink just rather surprised by my own attitude especially since I use to find drunk people rather annoying and boring myself.
Am actually wondering if I have spent a lot of my sobriety being a bit of a kill joy in social situations wether out of fear or being annoyed with folks.
I think I have spent years overlooking the obvious as the aa bb does say we look at what we can bring to social situations when others are drinking rather than what we can take (steal) from it. I wonder if I have spent far too much focusing on myself and my own uncomfortableness.
Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Lol
Am actually wondering if I have spent a lot of my sobriety being a bit of a kill joy in social situations wether out of fear or being annoyed with folks.
I think I have spent years overlooking the obvious as the aa bb does say we look at what we can bring to social situations when others are drinking rather than what we can take (steal) from it. I wonder if I have spent far too much focusing on myself and my own uncomfortableness.
Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Dear lizw, congratulations on 15 years. That is wonderful. However, it sounds like you are glamorizing the alcohol. How funny and witty people become and the joy it brings you. Red flag for me. Sobriety is best. Let's promote sobriety here.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Lizw, I have been sober 14 years and for the majority of that time have had a continuing involvement socially with those for who drinking is a diversion from their non-drinking lives. I have never avoided situations where alcohol is served, just avoided alcohol myself. The party atmoshphere where alcohol is present has been simply part of the social scene.
Sobriety is best for alcoholics, as for the rest of society it is not my concern. I don't believe that others consumption has ever had any impact on my knowledge that I can't drink. There is a passage in the Big Book which admonsihes the alcoholic to make sure that if we are present where alcohol is served, make sure that we have a reason for being there. I have always felt that as long as I am not seeking out drinking situations simply so that I can be around that drinking then I need not worry about my presence at those gatherings.
Just my experience,
Jon
Sobriety is best for alcoholics, as for the rest of society it is not my concern. I don't believe that others consumption has ever had any impact on my knowledge that I can't drink. There is a passage in the Big Book which admonsihes the alcoholic to make sure that if we are present where alcohol is served, make sure that we have a reason for being there. I have always felt that as long as I am not seeking out drinking situations simply so that I can be around that drinking then I need not worry about my presence at those gatherings.
Just my experience,
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
i find being sober at bars or parties i notice people can be rude and even mean when under the influence. If i was drinking i might hear what they are saying and laugh instead of being upset. People can talk about how amazing they are and they can try to put you down especially if you are the sober
one. In other words when drunk people can be real a-holes but it takes a sober man to really spot that. Not everybody is like this. There are also people who never stop talking and get pissed if you're not listening because they think they are giving you pearls of wisdom while drunk. I enjoyed
drinking even up till the end. I quit because I know I was slowly killing myself with the amount that i was consuming. It was for health reasons
one. In other words when drunk people can be real a-holes but it takes a sober man to really spot that. Not everybody is like this. There are also people who never stop talking and get pissed if you're not listening because they think they are giving you pearls of wisdom while drunk. I enjoyed
drinking even up till the end. I quit because I know I was slowly killing myself with the amount that i was consuming. It was for health reasons
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I am noticing people become rather chatty, funny and witty when they drink excessively
hm....my experience is that people get funny, chatty and witty when they've had a glass or two, but when they drink excessively? no, i just see them get real stuuupid but clearly they think they are being funny and witty.
hm...i've sometimes wonderd what i might do if i were interested in spending time with/seeing somebody who "drinks a bit"....depends on what "a bit" means, i guess.
hm again...is what you're saying that you're watching "normies" and their interactions after a few drinks which they drink in a "non-alcoholic" way?
hm....my experience is that people get funny, chatty and witty when they've had a glass or two, but when they drink excessively? no, i just see them get real stuuupid but clearly they think they are being funny and witty.
hm...i've sometimes wonderd what i might do if i were interested in spending time with/seeing somebody who "drinks a bit"....depends on what "a bit" means, i guess.
hm again...is what you're saying that you're watching "normies" and their interactions after a few drinks which they drink in a "non-alcoholic" way?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
While I don't obviously avoid people who drink, I am careful not to spend too much time with them. I set healthy boundary's ahead of time so I will never get myself trapped with them. I guess I view them kind of like a zone that has a sign reading:
"Danger - Falling Rocks".
"Danger - Falling Rocks".
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Originally Posted by fini 
hm again...is what you're saying that you're watching "normies" and their interactions after a few drinks which they drink in a "non-alcoholic" way?
Like a lot of people do I think I've spent the last 15 years living in recovery rooms/meetings and have declined a lot of social invites as I have not wanted to be around alcohol as I have felt unsafe and was probably not to confident in myself to even carry out conversations with people sober.
I hope nobody thinks I am glamorising alcohol either because it is not my intention, I am just curious about other people's experience.
I am also aware that if alcohol was the main issue for alcoholics we'd all be sweet once we stopped drinking which was not my experience at all.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Our Big Book tells us there is a great deal of freedom to be had in sobriety including the freedom to go where any free person can go. My experience, I've been sober over 33 years, is the same as yours. I had a job when I was at two years which involved attending sales conferences - I'd heard all the stories.. But in fact these people did not drink the way I did. some would get a bit drunk, but the whole event remained very social in nature and I found I could have just as much fun as them. Being the sober driver made me kinda popular too!
But that is a far cry from alcoholic drinking. I am not at all attracted to that environment and won't tolerate it even for a short time.
"......People have said we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? "
Sometimes you could get the impression that sobriety in AA means endless meeting attendance, hiding from alcohol and the world, prisoners of the fellowship who may drink if we dare to miss a meeting.
Nothing could be further from the truth, in my experience.
But that is a far cry from alcoholic drinking. I am not at all attracted to that environment and won't tolerate it even for a short time.
"......People have said we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? "
Sometimes you could get the impression that sobriety in AA means endless meeting attendance, hiding from alcohol and the world, prisoners of the fellowship who may drink if we dare to miss a meeting.
Nothing could be further from the truth, in my experience.
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Our Big Book tells us there is a great deal of freedom to be had in sobriety including the freedom to go where any free person can go. My experience, I've been sober over 33 years, is the same as yours. I had a job when I was at two years which involved attending sales conferences - I'd heard all the stories.. But in fact these people did not drink the way I did. some would get a bit drunk, but the whole event remained very social in nature and I found I could have just as much fun as them. Being the sober driver made me kinda popular too!
But that is a far cry from alcoholic drinking. I am not at all attracted to that environment and won't tolerate it even for a short time.
"......People have said we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? "
Sometimes you could get the impression that sobriety in AA means endless meeting attendance, hiding from alcohol and the world, prisoners of the fellowship who may drink if we dare to miss a meeting.
Nothing could be further from the truth, in my experience.
But that is a far cry from alcoholic drinking. I am not at all attracted to that environment and won't tolerate it even for a short time.
"......People have said we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? "
Sometimes you could get the impression that sobriety in AA means endless meeting attendance, hiding from alcohol and the world, prisoners of the fellowship who may drink if we dare to miss a meeting.
Nothing could be further from the truth, in my experience.
One of men in the social group I have been spending a bit of time with when I first met them asked me what my drink of choice was when I was still drinking which made me laugh and really highlighted to me how different my drinking was to other people's as it was whatever was the cheapest and had the highest alcohol content.
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