tigerlover

I think my time has come to let go. To get high and drunk all the time and die faster. I cant, I just cant stop. Its not working omg someone help me please, im begging. my drug of choice is alcohol. Well like alot of us. . ive stopped drinking but am relapsing a lot and pretty often on narcotics, (pain pills) There HAS to be no hope. Gosh Im pretty sure im on the road to death really really fast. And I can't fight it. Ive tried. Tried so so so dang hard. I've done aa. Ive done the wanting to be sober so much it takes over my life. This time is different though. See I get perscribed kolonopin. I need it and it helps me when i need it, which is only about 3 times a month. I take it, and it helps my anxiety like its supposed to. . but it tickles my want to drink and do drugs. Like I said I dont do kolonopin often, but yesterday, the one day I do after not needing it for 2 weeks, a neighbor calls and tells me that she has pain pills. I spent $100 last night. I really am almost positive there is no hope for me anymore. I plan on going to aa and na AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, and want to even add in addiction conceling. Im praying those 3 things will help to save me, to save my life. I need advise, input, hopeful words. I need you guys to tell me the truth. Am I going to die of addiction, Should I have an ounce of hope? IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE SOBER FOR ME? Am i doomed to a life of addiction, active addiction I should say. im scared. really scared. Be homest with me, had addiction got a grip that i cant get out of and should just stop trying. btw, heres a little history of me and the addictions. Im 23. Been an alchy 11 years. Been trying my hardest to get sober for 8 years. Longest ive had sober was a year, best year of my life. If theres hope, tell me theres hope, if there's not, tell me there's not. If my life too far gone to try to save?

sugarbear1

There is much hope out here for you!!!! Put your action into the meetings and counseling and keep moving forward. Maybe tell your doc about your cravings while on the klonopin and maybe there is something to replace the anti anxiety pill with.

I have hope for you, too!

Lots of hugs and love sent your way

LDT

There is so much hope, Tiger. My DOC was alcohol, too. I'm recovering. Life is not perfect, but it is infinitely better sober. You already know that, though. Think of your sober year. Think of what it took to get that. It is sometimes hard to get and stay sober......but you can do hard things!

I wish you well in your journey.

hypochondriac

You should never give up trying Tiger x It sounds like you have a good plan there to put into action The only thing I would say is it is less about fighting and more about acceptance. Sometimes treating it as a battle can make it harder.

Sometimes it can feel hopeless for a long time, even in sobriety, but if you keep moving forwards and sober things will fall into place.

It sounds like the klonopin may have to go, even if it isn't an issue if it triggers you it is not good. There are loads of anti anxiety meds out there and some of them are not good for addicts, your doctor will know this and should be able to help you find something which doesn't trigger you.

Keep trying x

AliceTW

There is plenty of hope for you - you are not alone!

Some of these stories might inspire you, and give you some more hope. Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Everyone's journey is different. You are very young, and you can beat this.

AA has saved thousands of people's lives - it can work for you too. I personally needed help from my doctors to quit - maybe have a chat to your doctor about some options? He might show you a path you hadn't known about, and every little bit helps.

lommey

always hope your only 23 Think of the year you had sober and how it was the best. One day at a time. Go and see your doctor and get some help xx

aasharon90

Does your physician know you are in
recovery for alcoholism? I make sure
all my doctors are aware of my addiction
to alcohol and my recovery is extremely
important to me and don't even prescribe
me meds that are narcotic or habit forming.

I don't want anything that would trigger
my addiction.

Doctors will prescribe just about anything
especially if they are not aware the patient
is in recovery for addiction. They won't know
if we don't tell them.

I was sober for a number of yrs. first
before I realized I could talk to my
doctor about my chemical imbalance
and anxiety. Those first yrs. sober
were very important in my recovery
because I had to focus on learning
how to remain sober with a program of
recovery im place to live and imcorperate
in my everyday life.

Once I had those important tools and
knowledge of my addiction, then I was
able to know what was safe for me to
use or not use for my imbalance.

It took about a yr. to find the right meds
that worked well for my own system that
wasn't narcotic or habit forming and works
well with my recovery.

Being upfront and honest with myself and
others, especially doctors was and still is
important for my well being, health and
happiness in recovery.

Nevertheless

Of course there is hope. YOU control your destiny. Yes,this is difficult. And at your age it makes it harder. Because everywhere you go there is booze. And if you stay away you feel you are missing out. Staying away from that sort of life and those sort of people until you are stronger will go a long way towards staying sober.
Stick with this,and learn from your mistakes. You can do it if you set your mind to it,and stick with it.
This is only my opinion. But drugs to get off of other drugs might be a good idea for a few weeks. But after that,it's just another mind altering substance,or replacement for the actual problem. Like I say that is only my opinion. And it's just free advice,thats all it's worth. Take it or leave it.

Fred

shakeel

It has not been easy for me neither, so you re not alone nor are you any different from many alcoholics here. been in and out of recovery for well over a decade, again you are not alone. I'm sure you've heard the saying "go to any lentgh to get it". my last relapse was 23 days ago and I decided to change my phone number, need to cut ties, change friends, pray to your higher power to relieve you from the obsession of alcohol, meditate, and if you can keep giving AA or your program of choice another chance.

w2r

23? you are just getting started!
can you change your environment, throw yourself into a project where you can give 200%?
(career, education..building self esteem)
leaving all your triggers behind?
Sounds like its time for a big positive change.

foolsgold66

There is hope. Have you thought about doing inpatient rehab?

fini

how about printing out your post just as it is, taking it to youyr health care person or a counselor just the way you wrote it and asking for a place in rehab.
a place to be safe for a while, no neighbours with pills, no booze...

of course there's hope!
there are steps you can take.

zjw

I have a friend of mine same as you complains the klonapin makes him want to drink. I can understand I know when I drink i'll wanna do another drug. or if i'm on some other drug i'll decide i wanna pour down some booze. I used to take LCD then a valium to calm myself down and smoke dope with opium on top all at the same time and get drunk. Ya know cause the LCD made me freak so i need all the other stuff to calm me. Gee why not just not take LCD to begin with? But i was an idiot!

I too felt like it was pretyt much my destiny to be a drunk druggie etc.. The way i saw it some people had to have the latest fashions others wanted vacations others exercised too much some people drank some people ate to much cake etc.. everyone has there crutch I'd tell myself mine just happened to be booze and drugs. I pretty much accepted it for that until the anxiety and panic got so awful something had to be give. It took all i had to remain sober and I'll be honest for a good long time in early sobreity i questioned the friggen point of being sober. Sobriety was BS if you ask me. But I stuck it out BLINDLY because everyone always said its so great on the other side. I kept thinking yeah BS the grass is always greener this is a pain i'd rather drink etc.. Slowly tho that all changed. I now wouldnt trade my sobriety for anything. And I've learned that not everyone has a crutch and heck if you crutch is exercise or what have you its probably a better choice then being drunk and high all the time.

My advice is to keep moving forward with sobreity keep trying it'll stick sooner or later and even if you have NO idea what the point is keep doing it anyway. You'll be happy you stuck it out sooner or later.

RobbyRobot

There is always hope, tigerlover. Don't give up.

Reading your post, I remember my own struggles with addiction ambivalence, and my being unsuccessful in my quitting alcohol too. And yet, here I am clean and sober. So yeah, there is always hope.

Despair is something that is very difficult to deal with unless we take on a sense of responsibility for experiencing our own despair. When we do take on such responsibilities, we are returned a powerful sense of self-worth and this can create wonderful experiences of empowerment.

Being empowered makes all the difference, of course. So, when hope seemed to be impossible, I embraced my responsibilities for my own sense of despair, and speaking from experience, such actions always brought me renewed hope.

YOU CAN be successfully and HAPPILY sober, tigerlover!

littlefish

I hate to blow your plan out of the water tigerlover, but unfortunately you can live a long time as a drunk. And then finally dying from alcoholism can be a slow and sickening death.

Better to throw in the towel and quit drinking. Lots of us have relapsed. Lots of us have had a hard time using programs and felt like we would never succeed. I felt that way. But, I finally quit, and so can you. I didn't believe sometimes that I would ever quit. that's okay, but just don't ever give up.

FeenixxRising

There's always hope TL. Are you currently working? Do you have a place to stay? If so, that's good and something to focus on. It shows that you are a long way from "too far gone".

It sounds like it's time to recommit to AA or Maybe NA.

longbeachone

I love tigers too, and I have this photo on my Facebook page...it reminded me of you tigerlover. You are beautiful, young and stronger than you realize. If you can't do this on your own, go to rehab. If you can't afford rehab, there are a number of free live-in programs that you can check out (Volunteers of America has wonderful places). Since you've tried on your own, perhaps it's time to immerse yourself in recovery. You CAN save your own life.