Doug39

I am a 50 year old man. After 25 years of daily drinking I quit 47 days ago.

Over the last several years I could no longer tolerate what alcohol was doing to my body but I continued to drink. Why? Because it was my lifestyle.

And even though I don't want to drink anymore I miss the drinking life.

I will miss pumpkin beer this fall and Xmas ale.
I will miss the wineries and tastings.

I will miss the bars and doing shots and getting that Sunday morning Bloody Mary at brunch.

I will miss champagne on New Years, at weddings & with OJ on Christmas morning.

I will miss events with open bars. I could go on all day.


Booze was such a big part of my life and the main reason I couldn't quit even though I knew it was killing me was I felt it was my identity.

Hell, if I never drank I never would have met my wife and my daughter wouldn't be here; it's thoughts like these that keep me believing alcoholism was my destiny.

jaynie04

Hi Doniker...
Romancing alcohol is the part of us that keeps us enmeshed in the cycle. You just listed a lot of shiny and twinkling scenarios, kind of like what advertisers do.

Now fast forward those scenarios....for me it meant hangovers, waking up miserable, blackouts, hiding glasses, never enough, bloating, obsession, lying......

We forget how we ended up here by hanging on to the parts we want to remember. It is like someone who is involved in an abusive relationship and keeps mentioning the first date and the romantic walk on the beach, even though they are in the ER for assault.

Empowering yourself to stay sober means looking at where alcohol led you........

Doug39

Thanks. I needed that. You are so right.

lorelei

alcohol, is a lying deceiving poison, tries to trick us into thinking we can't live without it, like a so called friend thats kind to your face and stabs you in the back as you walk away, disassociate alcohol from your memories, the memories are still there, the 2 faced friend has gone x

Bender

.....I know how you feel. Alcohol is like an ex-girlfriend. She treated you like crap, slept with all your friends and spent all your money and you resented her for it so you dumped her ass and now you remember how much fun you had with her. Forget about her....she's nothing but trouble.

Carbonized

I totally agree with the OP.

I loved my beer and am wondering if this sobriety thing will be worth it after say, a year.

Bird615

For every thought of what I do miss, I can easily replace it with what I don't miss.

Things like the dry heaves after there's nothing left in my stomach to throw up.
The lost days I spent in bed too hungover to do anything but whimper in misery
Wondering if I should call 911 because my heart is pounding so hard the next day that I think I'm going to have a heart attack
The shame when my husband tells me the horrible things I said to him in a blackout
...

I want to replace those things with something better in my life.

Doug39

Yes, I try to remember the bad things about drinking when I get the urge.

I used to spend all week looking forward to sleeping in on the weekend but I would get so bombed every Friday night that I didn't sleep well and I would be sick and tired all day Saturday. Then drink to feel better - then feel like crap Sunday and then the weekend is over. What a waste. At least on work nights I stopped drinking early but still got drunk.

freshstart57

We might not control the thoughts that come into our heads, but we get to choose the thoughts we dwell on, doniker. I decided to lump those thoughts romanticizing alcohol with the ones that said I couldn't stop drinking, and if I could, I couldn't do it now.

I look at them now as alcoholism thoughts, because for me, that is what they are. Nothing more than that. I just don't drink anymore.

cejay

I was thinking a lot about the very subject, of sobriety, first days, etc on an afternoon motorcycle ride last week.

What spurred the thought is I was an hour into the ride, came to a corner and was deciding to press on to my destination (a beach town, and fresh fish, a couple hours away from where I was) or do I turn here and be home in an hour.
What would I do at home? Nothing. I was bored. The old CJ would have made that turn then drank the afternoon away, probably alone. Instead I pressed on, got a new T-Shirt and fresh fish. I met a couple interesting strangers and saw a sweet 34 coupe all fixed up. Then I went home, took all day. That's the type of thing that sober people do... It takes time to remember how they have fun.

If you are anything like me, you will spend the next year learning to live again. It will be a year of strength gathering and of firsts. Saying "no" to drinks, attending events sober, strategies for NA drinks, what you like to attend and what you don't (as a sober person.), finding new ways you like to spend your time.

I recommend finding new things to look forward to. Sober ones. There are lots of lists of things to do to fill time, I'm pretty sure there are a bunch on this forum.

Find new hobbies, use some of the now saved drinking cash to fund them (or vacations!), spend time with loved ones, read, learn, walk, have a picnic, chat up strangers (sober - it's more fun), learn new things, try new things, hell just experience life.

There is a lot about you going to change and its going to take time to over-write 25 years of drinking thinking so be patient. I recommend you get excited about it because there is a lot to be excited about when it comes to really living again.

Good luck!!!

CJ.

zjw

Doniker I had the same issues. I figured life would never be the same this holiday will stink friday nights will be boring not getting the occaisional top shelf whatever will no longer be a nice treat etc..

Oddly for me once i quit a lot of those sort of things where not exactly the biggest problem the biggest problem was functioning as a civil adult without booze day in and day out!

Over time the fond memories of those sorts of things with booze became just that. I'll admit there where some good times. There where a heck of a lot of bad times as well. Now those holidays with the booze or friday nights with a drink or any night with a drink for that matter all those memories have been softened and replaced with sober holidays sober get togethers sober friday nights sober every night etc..

The more I replaced day in and day out special occasion or not with just another sober day the easier all that got and the more i really didnt miss it anymore. Because the sober days where a lot more enjoyable.

Sooner or later you will realize that your best friend "booze" not being at the party aint such a bad thing. Its actually a pretty good thing and you'll probably be happy you dont spend time with him anymore.

Climber122

Alcohol was my most trusted friend - there was a mourning period, but it passes if you stay sober long enough. Believe it or not, it is possible to enjoy the people and events of life without alcohol. What you describe is part of the obsession we have before it is removed...

longbeachone

I have worked in marketing and advertising throughout my life, and there are a lot of companies that have payed A LOT of money to make sure you feel the way you do about drinking their products. The rules are pretty simple. You've heard the old saying "sex sells"? Just an example of attaching a product to a pleasant emotion/sensation/memory, then pairing the two so that the seem be one and the same. Fall and autumn leaves and bonfires and pumpkins make us feel cozy and happy. The colors are so beautiful! They remind you of Halloween and Thanksgiving and family! Now attach a beer to those emotions. "Brand" that beer by associating it with these pleasant memories and sensations. Convince the public that when they drink that beer, they are also tasting all of those warm and fuzzy Autumn feelings. So, when you think about not drinking your "pumpkin" ale, are you really missing the beverage itself? Or do you think that by not drinking it, all of those wonderful warm Fall feelings and experiences will be gone as well? It's subtle (ever hear of subliminal advertising? Same principle) but wildly effective.

jaynie04

Some really excellent posts here. Thank you all and Doniker thank you for starting a good thread.

karate

No kidding ,I get a lot more done and do a better job .

I do drink a very little bit ,but I think ill quit totally again .

jazzfish

I have the same trouble as some of the "best" times of my life where as a heavy drinker. I have finally learned to let them go. The funny thing is that even as I clung to them, it would have been impossible to go back to them. I could no longer drink heavily and still function the way I had. My friends had moved on or shunned me as "not serious"; many had also cut way back or stopped drinking. Most importantly, the pub had actually closed down...10 years earlier. Yet, I clung to this identity that was so wrapped up in drinking.

Finally, the pain of drinking (minus everything surrounding it) became so great that I could no long ignore reality.

On lesson I do remember is that no seasonal or special edition brew ever lived up to the expectations I had for it. None of them ever impacted my life at all. In fact, most were inferior to the regular issue.