Couples Therapy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Couples Therapy
Well DH came in this AM to let me know we are going to a marriage counselor next Tuesday.
I have no idea what to expect. I need kindness and compassion. I'm worried that if things get of the lecturing type I may not want to go back.
I can't do this to myself thought. I am trying to keep an open mind.
Going through all the 12 AA steps with a drill Sargent was horrible. Not to mention getting hit on and listening to other members bad mouth each other behind their backs. I need calm, rational, help....
We are going to our local university (big one) and seeing the head of Psychiatry. Please think good positive thoughts for us. I know I shouldn't think this way but I feel like this is my last hope.
I'm trying to stay in the moment but I so need help.
Hugs to all.
I have no idea what to expect. I need kindness and compassion. I'm worried that if things get of the lecturing type I may not want to go back.
I can't do this to myself thought. I am trying to keep an open mind.
Going through all the 12 AA steps with a drill Sargent was horrible. Not to mention getting hit on and listening to other members bad mouth each other behind their backs. I need calm, rational, help....
We are going to our local university (big one) and seeing the head of Psychiatry. Please think good positive thoughts for us. I know I shouldn't think this way but I feel like this is my last hope.
I'm trying to stay in the moment but I so need help.
Hugs to all.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi 1undone.
I've been through couples therapy and I've been practicing it for many years.
Given the context, it's only natural to feel uneasy, particularly at first when describing your problems.
A good therapist will reframe your difficulties and allow each person to take part in finding solutions.
For many people, therapy becomes a safe place to discuss their relationship issues since this is often impossible to do at home. You may feel at times that your therapist is taking sides, and that too is only natural.
Couples who stay the course have much better outcomes than people who quit. And there are always reasons to quit: too busy, too expensive, not getting anything out of (often after a single session), the therapist likes my spouse better than me, I feel like I'm being attacked...
I'd recommend that you give yourself ten sessions before drawing any conclusions about the work. Couples take time to develop conflicts in our relationships, and nothing gets better over night. Add to that our own personal histories and the time it took each of us to get where we are today, and it could a daunting enterprise.
One of the things I like about doing couples therapy (and there are plenty of things I like about it), is that couples start being one another's therapist in a supportive way. Change and progress also seems to occur more quickly and with more staying power than individual therapy. I'm also using many more of my human skills than my clinical expertise, although both play a part.
Finally, it's not my job to break up relationships. That's not what I do. We're looking to build a better way for ourselves, and when this works well, the outcomes are priceless. There are some couples who come to therapy because it's either the safest way to separate for one of the partners, or because they're looking for support in leaving. And that's always something worth exploring.
Your therapist can't wait to meet you and start working with you to build a better life together. He/she is on both your sides, and is invigorated by your willingness to get help. Your part is to make the sessions as useful as possible for you. You may even come to find that you look forward to your sessions.
I've been through couples therapy and I've been practicing it for many years.
Given the context, it's only natural to feel uneasy, particularly at first when describing your problems.
A good therapist will reframe your difficulties and allow each person to take part in finding solutions.
For many people, therapy becomes a safe place to discuss their relationship issues since this is often impossible to do at home. You may feel at times that your therapist is taking sides, and that too is only natural.
Couples who stay the course have much better outcomes than people who quit. And there are always reasons to quit: too busy, too expensive, not getting anything out of (often after a single session), the therapist likes my spouse better than me, I feel like I'm being attacked...
I'd recommend that you give yourself ten sessions before drawing any conclusions about the work. Couples take time to develop conflicts in our relationships, and nothing gets better over night. Add to that our own personal histories and the time it took each of us to get where we are today, and it could a daunting enterprise.
One of the things I like about doing couples therapy (and there are plenty of things I like about it), is that couples start being one another's therapist in a supportive way. Change and progress also seems to occur more quickly and with more staying power than individual therapy. I'm also using many more of my human skills than my clinical expertise, although both play a part.
Finally, it's not my job to break up relationships. That's not what I do. We're looking to build a better way for ourselves, and when this works well, the outcomes are priceless. There are some couples who come to therapy because it's either the safest way to separate for one of the partners, or because they're looking for support in leaving. And that's always something worth exploring.
Your therapist can't wait to meet you and start working with you to build a better life together. He/she is on both your sides, and is invigorated by your willingness to get help. Your part is to make the sessions as useful as possible for you. You may even come to find that you look forward to your sessions.
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