blackoutgirl

My sister is getting married on Saturday. No alcohol will be served thankfully, due to my alcoholic father. I can't wait for this event to be over for a couple of reasons.

First, I've actually had to increase my caloric intake so I can fit into the bridesmaid gown. I bought it when I was still drinking. My weight is trending down due to no alcohol, so I've had to pig out to somewhat maintain my "drinking" weight, as there are no time for alterations in the last month. I can't wait to eat normally again, and put the extra pounds behind me.

Second, when my dad is at a function where there isn't any alcohol, he tends to get more smashed than if he were allowed to drink at the event. For example, at my nursing graduation, both him and his wife managed to arrive blitzed, since they wouldn't be able to drink during the ceremony. It was awful.

He hides alcohol in his car and drinks when he thinks no one is looking and drinks even more when he knows that alcohol isn't available. This results in him getting even more trashed and sloppy since he is pounding away at the booze more quickly.

I'm worried that this will happen at my sister's wedding and possibly ruin the occasion for her. We all know how he is, and there isn't anything we can do about it.

I just can't wait until Saturday is over with. I'm happy for my sister but dread this occasion as well. It will be nice to put this event behind me and move on. I haven't seen my dad in over a year and don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

He "sobered" up for 8 months this year only because he was incarcerated for his 4th or 5th DUI. My family seems to consider this as "recovery." Now he's back at it, drinking heavily every day and probably driving drunk still. I'm not looking forward to conversation with him either.

The last time I saw him, his eyes were visibly yellow as well as bloodshot from a distance away. His skin was a grayish color and he had lost about 50+ pounds. I haven't seen him eat in years at any event, since he's "not hungry."

My sister had encouraged him to make an appointment to get labs drawn and a full physical since his health was failing...he cancelled it. In his eyes, if there isn't a diagnosis, there isn't a problem.

Everyone is in denial and is always talking about how he is "getting better" though when I see him, he is obviously much worse than before. I just don't get it.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Wish me luck on Saturday. I've never looked forward for an event being over with more than this one. I can take my own family (including my sister) in small doses, but my Dad's side really gets under my skin. I'll have to put on my happy face, grin and bear it I suppose.

Susan2984

Good luck. Sounds like a hard situation but you sound strong going into it which is amazing.

robgt350

i did make a connection in your story. i had a step father who had some similar symptoms as your father. unfortunately my father was give a diagnosis of cirrhosis and dies of acute liver failure. he was very functional alcoholic but destroyed alot of lives around him. i too graduated from a nursing program and that is where i started drinking. i had many patients of cirrhosis and pasted. i was afraid of this so much.
but as for going through your sisters wedding with your father, well that can be stressful. i had a situation like that 2 months into my sobriety, i was invited to a boxing match, which i love to watch. every one drinks at these and i knew it and i was afraid i wold take to it again. but it was a good test for me, i did not drink even though i had friends who did and was offered so many times. but i did not drink thank goodness.
but i wish you luck in the wedding and hopefully you will have a good time.

blackoutgirl

Thank you. Stress is definitely one of my triggers. My plan is to hang out for a little bit after the wedding, then leave. There isn't an elaborate dinner or anything so it will be easy to get away. I'm actually the Maid of Honor, so I have to stay for a bit longer but I don't want to leave completely overwhelmed and wanting to reach for a bottle either. My tolerance for being around my family is strained. I know when I've had enough.

I've also decided that from now on I'm going to decline being a part of any wedding party. I'm over it. I've only been in three weddings in my entire life, but it always stresses me out, and places a significant financial burden, not to mention the mandatory events prior to the occasion. It's just too much for me to bear, and as a result I don't enjoy myself or celebrate their special day as much.

The wedding is quite early. Normally, I'd head home and get plastered. My plan is to pack up my fishing gear and head to the nearest pond afterward (new hobby). This way I can distract myself and unwind, instead of sitting at home and thinking of how much I despise everyone. I know this sounds hateful but I'm just being honest.

robgt350

hay what a great idea to go fishing after the wedding. i taken up a few hobbies also to get my mind off of stress, and drinking. i started to bake and cook. but fishing i cannot think of a better idea, as a kid i loved fishing i recall it a relaxing and pleasure sport. dont forget your ipod for some good tunes.

Susan2984

Your plan sounds great with fishing after. That's what I need, a new hobby or something. That will help me get through the nights alone and not be bored. I have been contemplating starting to sew and investing in a machine and supplies. Might be worth it! Weddings are stressful. My sister was a bridesmaid in a wedding over the summer and she literally spent over 500 just being part of the wedding party - doesn't even count the engagment and shower and wedding gifts. And there were events every weekend for a month plus the wedding lasted a weekend. It's too much. I have become even more of a homebody and I know I couldn't handle it.

blackoutgirl

Having a new hobby has definitely helped me in more ways than one. It gives me an excuse to get out of the house while becoming more physically active, and I find learning something new exciting and enjoyable, something that I haven't done in a very long time I need to think of an activity for the winter, though, I have a gym membership (that is rarely used). This winter, I'm taking a statistics class that will probably use up most of my time with studying, but I'll still need something else besides sitting behind a computer. Maybe a trip to Hobby Lobby might spark some ideas for interest.

Amajorityofone

There.
That's better.

This is a principle known as Occam's razor (also written as Ockham's razor from William of Ockham, and in Latin lex parsimoniae) It is a principle of parsimony, economy, or succinctness used in logic and problem-solving. It states that among competing hypotheses, the hypothesis with the fewest assumptions should be selected.

Good day and God Bless

blackoutgirl

I've also seen many patients with this deadly and miserable disease. It's something that I don't ever want to endure for myself. Something is brewing in Dad's body, but by this time I'm sure there are so many damaged organs it would be hard to pin point the true origin of his health problems. He doesn't have ascites yet, or at least didn't the last time I saw him.

For a while I was worried that he would die before being able to walk my sister down the isle. (He actually looked THAT bad)

But despite losing everything, a wife, house, retirement, etc, he managed to marry someone that is a worse alcoholic than him, that has to wear diapers now because her health is also failing due to alcoholism. Good times (sarcasm). I'm not sure if she'll be at the wedding or not, but I'm bracing myself just in case.

robgt350

ahh math. i used to be a mathematics major prior to majoring in nursing and i used to like a good math challenge. so one thing i took up was sudoku puzzles to stimulate my brain. i am the type of person i will not stop until i solve a problem or a challenge. often times i would work on them prior to going to bed to relax my mind, but many times i would stay up late. but a statistics, i took that class, actually i thought it was fun. so good idea! but i like your idea of fishing better !

lorelei

really hope it goes ok and he doesn't ruin it for you all, try and enjoy the day x