sunset01

Well I let myself give into my excuses Sat night, drank a hell of a lot, I stopped counting after 4 bottles but realised next day it was more like six. Set up my own pity party here...cringe... Was completely ill nxt day. I couldn't even make my coffee, I was shaking so much. I've realised that I am going to have to be more active with this, I got cocky after nearly a month sober and thought "yeah I've got this"....(I now realise I've been white knuckling it) I've been pushing everything down and not dealing with anything at all. Have spent the last couple of day's lurking here....reading everything AVRT, 12 steps, urge surfing, meditation threads.....I now realise what it means to work at my sobriety...... Wishing I hadn't of slipped, and really angry with myself for it.

davaidavai

It's deceptively difficult, isn't it? I had another vodka drinking dream last night, after a year and a half. In my dream, I'm giving up. It's not like the desire to drink is all that intense. And yet I dream about it. It's easy to forget how crappy it was, that it wasn't even good in the socializing sense. It was just a momentary crack high.

artsoul

I'm sorry you're going through this, sunset. Just don't beat yourself up too much. A lot of us have done the very same thing, thinking that we'd be more in control and just have "a few drinks...."

You got back here right away, and that's a really good thing.

Louise82

Welcome back sunset. Congrats on day 4. I'm glad you've been reading here a lot and learning about different recovery methods. It took me a few gos before I realised what it meant to work on my sobriety but now I'm doing the work I see that it's really worth it.

sunset01

Yeah, I've decided to actually WORK at my sobriety, put in place some real things in my life that mean something to me, and for just me. I started a gratitude journal, suggested to me by some lovely person here a month ago, I just decided I didn't need it, now it serves to remind me that I do have alot to be grateful for and to work on me daily.
Started meditating, went to my first class last wed, and as soon as I can get a wetsuit and board I'm going to pay someone to teach me how to surf....lol think elephant seal when you think of me in a wetsuit but I don't care I want to do something just for me.

I was really humbled by my experience last sat. I'm never going back there. Am seriously thinking about getting a therapist for my "issues". Im still waiting for a book I ordered from amazon i think it was 2 wks ago? But all in all I think I'm doing ok. I'm just really happy that I chose to come back the day after my slip instead of being too embarresed to show my "face", just like you said artsoul.
And louise I too see that it is worth it. I'll do everything in my power to see it stays like that!!!! Momentary crack high.....yep I'll take that explanation, that high hopefully will serve as my reminder....I don't think I've ever been that sick and that hungover EVER.
My partner couldn't believe how much I'd drunk, must admit neither could I. *sigh* Ah well it's day six again. And I've had a pretty good day, so I'll take it and move on to my next.

1undone

This begins my day 4 too!

sunset01

thanks 1 undone, I've said it before but that wierd clappy hand face freaks me out....dont know what it is? Think its the lack of arms maybe....lol anyhoo.....
I'm on day 6 now, and feeling much better. Hope your day 4 finds you feeling well!!

artsoul

I always thought gratitude was one of those nice, sentimental ideas until I tried it and it worked.....

Congrats on a (new and improved) day 6!

sunset01

artsoul, I know my first thought was that it was a bit naff, but after my slip I went and got a book that fits in my purse (I carry it everywhere) It helps me zero in on what is really important and stills my constantly spinning mind if only for a few mins. And when I'm standing in the supermarket thinking the bottle shop that just recently opened up is right next door, I remember my journal and let it pass. It is really helpful to me at least.