Leongecko

Today is only my third day sober, although I have no desire to drink, my leg is tapping up and down, my sides are sore, and my head feels like im wearing a tight little belt (or a circlet, if you play Skyrim).

I had a few days off, tomorrow I have to back to work, and although I am too busy at work to think about booze (Keep busy, this sort of works for me) when I finish work and head home, its like running a gauntlet.

here is the pub where I have a quick one before the train and use their wifi (gotta update my apps!) and it might become 2 because oops, I have missed the train, then because I invariably need to urinate when I get off the train because of the beer, I then need to go into the pub opposite the station, and I feel bad just using the toilet, and im almost home, so I have one, maybe 2 or 3.

Then ive got a short 15 minute walk to my house, but its uphill, and ive had a few drinks, so it feels a lot harder than it is, so I take a quick detour and pop in "for one" to another (particularly dreadful) bar halfway up the road. I eventually attempt the walk home again, just before I get there I am exhausted and..thirsty..so I pop into the off licence and grab 8 cans of beer. And a bottle of red wine, why not, its been a hell of a day! Then its home, down a can of lager in one gulp as soon as i walk through the door (for refreshment purposes) then get changed, sit in front of the computer with a big glass of red wine.

Thats every day. Routines/triggers. what can be done to avoid the associative behaviours with long established routines? I cant change my route home, need some kind of mantra..

lommey

A quick one just before I go to work lol. Pass each pub and say ill go to the next one and keep going till you get home . A bit like AA one day at a time . Do one pub at a time . Im only 9 days sober and find little things help. When I feel like a drink I do something physical even if its just cleaning. Take care have a good day

Dee74

I think not going into any of those pubs would be a great change in routine
you have that power, LG

D

mandymarie22

Hi Lommey
I am 8 days sober technically now that its after 12AM. like you, i clean or keep my mind occupied with other things like writing, whether its on a computer (like now) or on paper.

Leongecko

I have walked past each of those pubs at one time or another and said "I am not going to go in there, Im going home", and then some deep dark part of me just says "f**k it" and I detachedly watch myself go in. I dont need to even order they just pour my drink as soon as they see me coming.

A couple of people on here mentioned "urge surfing" thats sort of interesting, we all know that wave of crave that washes over you.

LSC1

Welcome to SR chat ... Congratulations on your sober time.

Dee74

I think, as long as you think of yourself as some passive participant in this, you're screwed Leon.

The bottom line of any recovery is not making the same old choices. You need to believe you're capable of that.

We all live in a world of pubs and drinkers, but some of us don't drink

The autopilot thing is real - but I dunno about you, at it's very very worst, I never had it last after I had the first mouthful...

maybe you're different, but for the rest of that first glass and the all the other ones that follow it, in my experience, that excuse doesn't really hold up.

In any case, if the auto pilot was unbeatable none of us would be here, yeah?

You can prepare beforehand

heres the urge surfing link
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

D

Leongecko

Hi Dee you make some good points.
I have proved to myself in the past that I can stop drinking, not moderate or control, I cant do that, but stop completely. I did that. I realise it didnt last, and that was due to complacency, something I wasnt expecting.

I also arranged my mind so that I had no desire to drink. I was reading about alcohol and reliving my own worst experiences and learning about others experiences. That put it all in perspective for me.

I made major changes to my lifestyle, I began to go running (at first I looked like an exhausted asthmatic St Bernard about to have a heart attack bouncing about my local park) but it gradually became fun. I learned to cook and more importantly enjoy healthy food.

I had it licked. The only thing I didnt plan for, and which was my downfall, was the fact I eventually forgot why i gave up. I "reasoned" that because I was getting my life together, I was more confident, healthier, wiser, that I could have "just one". I didnt want one, but it was easier to say yes when it was offered to me.

So I had one, and this pretty much in the space of a few days led to constant drinking at levels that surpassed my previous intake.

So I guess you can learn from relapse, I hope so, I dont want to make the same mistake, but I am now aware that I dont know everything, and that there may be more unforeseen problems I cant anticipate. I hate not being prepared, and thats been my excuse for not quitting in the last year or two.

In conclusion, Im confident I can quit, but im worried I havent covered all the bases before I start.

does that make sense?

Dee74

I think we can overcomplicate sometimes Leon - as long as you don't drink, and you can learn to be happy about that I think you've got the bases covered....

it's just filling it all in with the work to make it happen from there, y'know?

D

lorelei

Hey LG

You need to change your evening routine, route you come home, whatever it was you did when you got in, do something different, break the cycle, the familiarity with the drink. If all you take away is the drink and nothing else changes, you'll drink again.

Well done on day 3 LG xx

Leongecko

You are right Lorelei,
I am a creature of habit, out with the old in with the new etc.

Anyway, day 3 feels good, im finding SR an amazing resource.

Thanks all.

lommey

Hope your day went well leon

freshstart57

There is proof against this train(wreck) of thought, leon, and that is losing the lie that alcohol is a reward. For me it leads to inactivity, depression, anxiety and just a rotten rotten life. There is no reward in that. Yes, I have convinced myself over the years that beer, wine and liquor tasted good, but that appeal goes phhhhhht when I roll the whole thing together. I accept who I am, in the sense that those days of wine and roses are gone, replaced with endless hangovers and soul sickness. Since I accept that, it becomes a simple choice. I can choose alcohol, or I can be well and happy and free, but I cannot have both.

So, when driving past a bar, or my old liquor store, if I need to I make that association in my mind. Alcohol is a thief and a murderer. Do I want some?

Not on my life.