Relapse after 4 months
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Relapse after 4 months
Hello everyone,
I admitted I had a serious problem with alcohol around 4 months ago, and went with my now-spouse to my first AA meeting. At first I really struggled with not drinking - not sure what I'd do with my time, not sure if I'd still relate to my friends, not sure if I'd be able to keep at it given my past failed attempts to stay sober.
Most of those concerns turned out to be non-issues - I still had lots in common with my friends, many of whom did not drink as much as I seemed to think while I was actively drinking. The ones who actually did drink a lot turned out to be quite supportive - opting to go out with me to non-drinking activities, organizing outdoor things instead of bar nights and so on.
My spouse was a huge help, taking me to my first meeting, encouraging me to go, and generally cheerleading my attempt to remain sober. I felt certain that this "was it" - I'd given up the idea that I could somehow return to moderate drinking and was committed to the idea of total sobriety. As time passed I felt more and more confident that I could do it, that my drinking days are behind me, that I had really turned over a new leaf. I let some family members in on my issues and they were also all supportive, and expressed that they had been worried about me and they were happy I was trying to stop.
Well, damn. My spouse went out with friends last night, called me up drunk, asked me to come out, and out I went. I'm now sitting rather hung-over and anxious about the future and feeling like I've generally ****** up.
I'm fairly certain of what I should do - talk to her about it, explain to her how important it is for me to never drink, and explain my fears about backsliding into drinking again. I had "quit" earlier this year - after a month and a half I felt confident that I had things under control, started drinking "moderately" again for a few weeks and then zoomed past moderation straight into emptying entire bottles of hard liquor by myself and going out for more.
Not sure what questions I really have, but I felt the need to talk about it. I haven't been to my regular AA group in over a month and they don't meet on Sundays. There are other groups around here but they don't meet until the evening and I have a family obligation that'll keep me from going.
I feel like I've really benefitted from browsing this site during my attempt at recovery (particularly reading the painfully familiar "You know you're an alcoholic when" thread when I had the urge to drink) and I guess I should stop lurking and introduce myself.
I admitted I had a serious problem with alcohol around 4 months ago, and went with my now-spouse to my first AA meeting. At first I really struggled with not drinking - not sure what I'd do with my time, not sure if I'd still relate to my friends, not sure if I'd be able to keep at it given my past failed attempts to stay sober.
Most of those concerns turned out to be non-issues - I still had lots in common with my friends, many of whom did not drink as much as I seemed to think while I was actively drinking. The ones who actually did drink a lot turned out to be quite supportive - opting to go out with me to non-drinking activities, organizing outdoor things instead of bar nights and so on.
My spouse was a huge help, taking me to my first meeting, encouraging me to go, and generally cheerleading my attempt to remain sober. I felt certain that this "was it" - I'd given up the idea that I could somehow return to moderate drinking and was committed to the idea of total sobriety. As time passed I felt more and more confident that I could do it, that my drinking days are behind me, that I had really turned over a new leaf. I let some family members in on my issues and they were also all supportive, and expressed that they had been worried about me and they were happy I was trying to stop.
Well, damn. My spouse went out with friends last night, called me up drunk, asked me to come out, and out I went. I'm now sitting rather hung-over and anxious about the future and feeling like I've generally ****** up.
I'm fairly certain of what I should do - talk to her about it, explain to her how important it is for me to never drink, and explain my fears about backsliding into drinking again. I had "quit" earlier this year - after a month and a half I felt confident that I had things under control, started drinking "moderately" again for a few weeks and then zoomed past moderation straight into emptying entire bottles of hard liquor by myself and going out for more.
Not sure what questions I really have, but I felt the need to talk about it. I haven't been to my regular AA group in over a month and they don't meet on Sundays. There are other groups around here but they don't meet until the evening and I have a family obligation that'll keep me from going.
I feel like I've really benefitted from browsing this site during my attempt at recovery (particularly reading the painfully familiar "You know you're an alcoholic when" thread when I had the urge to drink) and I guess I should stop lurking and introduce myself.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Welcome...and thanks. I really appreciate your post as I have just only a bit more than 3 months under my belt in this new sober life. There have been moments where my thoughts have certainly turned to "the drink" as an answer for some thing or another. Your post reminds me that no matter how much logic, emotional maturity or clarity I can achieve....one drink can awaken a thirsty beast or flip a switch I simply can't turn off.
You say your spouse called you to come out. Had you decided to drink before you even when out?
You say your spouse called you to come out. Had you decided to drink before you even when out?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Absolutely, I was heading out with the specific intention to drink - not to excess, but "a few", which of course turned into my usual massive intake. I had originally intended to drive as an attempt to force myself to not drink, but I ultimately took transit and the rest was entirely predictable.
I guess the real problem here is complacency - I've stopped going to meetings, stopped focussing on sobriety, and have just started working on other areas of my life now that things are "under control" (ha!). This is a similar pattern that I followed before - I think I need to get back to my regular meetings and remind myself of what I'm trying to move beyond.
I guess the real problem here is complacency - I've stopped going to meetings, stopped focussing on sobriety, and have just started working on other areas of my life now that things are "under control" (ha!). This is a similar pattern that I followed before - I think I need to get back to my regular meetings and remind myself of what I'm trying to move beyond.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Sounds like you drank last night but woke up with your head on straight. Moderation doesn't work for most of us, it's just an invitation to return to the nightmare.
Get back at it. Glad you're here.
Get back at it. Glad you're here.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
The 4 month mark seems to be difficult for some of us. You realized it was a mistake and are moving past it. Not getting complacent is a good lesson for all of us. I love that active alcohol thread too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
The first thing I was going to ask after I read your post was "Were you still going to meetings?", then I read that you had stopped. I'm going on five years (and even I don't think that's all that long) and I still go to Celebrate Recovery every week. It's easy to get complacent. So get back up on your horse and change your strategy to include meetings. Don't beat yourself up too much. Make the experience count by learning your lesson.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by newwestdork 
Absolutely, I was heading out with the specific intention to drink - not to excess, but "a few", which of course turned into my usual massive intake. I had originally intended to drive as an attempt to force myself to not drink, but I ultimately took transit and the rest was entirely predictable.
I guess the real problem here is complacency - I've stopped going to meetings, stopped focussing on sobriety, and have just started working on other areas of my life now that things are "under control" (ha!). This is a similar pattern that I followed before - I think I need to get back to my regular meetings and remind myself of what I'm trying to move beyond.
I guess the real problem here is complacency - I've stopped going to meetings, stopped focussing on sobriety, and have just started working on other areas of my life now that things are "under control" (ha!). This is a similar pattern that I followed before - I think I need to get back to my regular meetings and remind myself of what I'm trying to move beyond.
Good to hear you got back on the horse and headed off to a meeting.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Looking back, each relapse was a stepping stone to recovery. My last was more or less a test to see if I have the phenomenon of craving. Went out for a few, planned to be home by 6.00. Got hme at 6.00, just 4 days later. That proved one final thing for me,
That I can never take a drink without triggering the phenomenon of craving. It's there for life.
So the problem is how to stay stopped. You tried a few AA meetings like a lot of people do, sat in on meetings, got a bit of support from AAs and your friends, (sounds like you have really good friends btw), kinda using AA like a therapy group, and you got some dry time. But from your post, it doesn't sound you you really "got" what AA is all about. No mention of God or the steps, just a story of how far you got with human aid.
I hope you have reached a point that I did, where I realised I could never drink safely, and was ready to quit for good. I then looked really hard at the AA solution and began actually following the suggestions. I haven't needed to drink since, by the grace of the God of my undeerstanding, whom I found through the 12 steps.
That I can never take a drink without triggering the phenomenon of craving. It's there for life.
So the problem is how to stay stopped. You tried a few AA meetings like a lot of people do, sat in on meetings, got a bit of support from AAs and your friends, (sounds like you have really good friends btw), kinda using AA like a therapy group, and you got some dry time. But from your post, it doesn't sound you you really "got" what AA is all about. No mention of God or the steps, just a story of how far you got with human aid.
I hope you have reached a point that I did, where I realised I could never drink safely, and was ready to quit for good. I then looked really hard at the AA solution and began actually following the suggestions. I haven't needed to drink since, by the grace of the God of my undeerstanding, whom I found through the 12 steps.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Sounds like you understand the issues. Four months is good time. We never stop learning, so get the most out of this experience. talking to others at AA would help if that has been good for you in the past.
I know i weave in and out f being what i have come to call "centred" in my recovery. Being centred is the safest place, but for various reasons we find our selves in a different place. It helps to know what can get us more centred.
I know i weave in and out f being what i have come to call "centred" in my recovery. Being centred is the safest place, but for various reasons we find our selves in a different place. It helps to know what can get us more centred.
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