rowd44

I am two people! I can flip back and forth like a switch. One side of me is gentle, kind, loving, mild manner, friendly & helpful. My other side is dark. I often said there is a rebel in me. Kind of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde person. The dishonest, manipulative, and crazy side. I liked both sides but it is confusing to others and myself and I really don’t know who I am most of the time. Is this flipping back and forth common out there?

DoubleBarrel

Well, people thought that I was bipolar and a sociopath when I was drinking. Today, not so much.

pinkdog

Hi rowd, I prefer to think of it as an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I believe everyone does feel the struggle of good vs evil. Here's a hug.

Boleo

I don't know about you, but I have two brains in my head.
One is a rational brain.
The other is a delusional brain.
Sometimes the delusional brain pretends to be rational.

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
And so am I"

(Bill Murray - What About Bob)

grtgrandpa

I am an alcoholic therefore my brain is not my friend and causes me to have a number of personalities and mood changes. My coping mechanisms are too numerous to list. I read 24/7. I have a kindle with a library on it, including the latest NIV edition of the bible. When I leave this morning, I will work 2 jigsaw puzzles then breakfast with my 3rd wife of almost 35 years. I go to a mtg. when I need one which is usually 3 per week. Your post is singing to the choir.

blackoutgirl

I can relate to this Row. Alcohol changed my personality completely. Since I've been without it, I can still feel the angry person coming through at times. I can be in a wonderful mood and something can set me off in a matter of seconds. Since alcohol is how I used to deal with situations by saturating myself, I attribute this to learning how to manage true feelings emotions again. Whether the situation is big or small, my brain doesn't seem to recognize the difference yet since it's been suppressed for so long. I feel that to normal situations, I overreact at times. Hopefully the ups and downs will level out over time.

EndGameNYC

Hey rowd.

I've long been fond of Jekyll and Hyde comparisons, both in alcoholism and other conditions.

My problem is that, when I drink, Dr. Jekyll is almost completely erased by Mr. Hyde (just as in the original story), and the road back is very difficult and very painful.

The AA Big Book tells us that we're fortunate to be able to live two lives. In my case, it's been three or four lives. But there is a limit, and pushing that limit usually ends up badly.

jaynie04

Hi Rowd. Have you ever looked into DBT. It is all about mindfulness and the struggle between our rational mind and our emotional mind.

Our old brain is something that is very very deep. If you think about it we even have laws that acknowledge it...crimes of passion versus malice of forethought. You are not alone in your struggle. I think we shift back and forth constantly between the two. Understanding that there is a truly biological aspect to the struggle helps remove judgement.

I am grateful that most people here on SR are deeply introspective and aware of the human struggle. I think the fact that you are even in touch with this push and pull is testament to your self-awareness.

DoubleBarrel

I'm pretty sure that Jekyll and Hyde was an analogy for alcoholism all along.

EndGameNYC

Partially, yes.

Robert Louis Stevenson was experimenting with cocaine at the time he wrote the Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. There was also an over-the-counter liquid popular among the artistic and the well heeled known as Laudunum during the Nineteenth and the early part of the Twentieth Century. The solution had a very high concentration of morphine mixed with alcohol.

Dr. Jekyll made up his own solution to transform him into Mr. Hyde out of pride, ambition and ego. He thought he deserved to be better off financially, and that he should be revered by both colleagues and commoners. Since he was ambivalent about his own dark ambitions, he needed something to quiet his conscience and to allow him to pursue his pride with impunity from within.

As per my previous comment, there was very little of Dr. Jekyll remaining at the end of the story, Mr. Hyde having taken over virtually complete control of his life.

The parallels between this story and the progression of alcoholism are startling.

DayTrader

No scientific source here but I hear about it quite a bit among folks new to sobriety / recovery. I experienced it myself, too. Drinking seemed to let the "bad" me come out and play. I wasn't usually violent or even mean but I finally had the confidence to talk about things I wouldn't ordinarily bring up.


A good part of my early recovery was spent on recognizing the different personalities, when one was in charge and when the others were, and learning how to ignore what should be ignored and learning how to bring out the good qualities of each of them.

Confusing.....you bettcha, for a while anyway. Working with someone in recovery who'd had the same experience AND had gotten through it helped greatly. There are lots of experienced folks out there looking for someone to help. For many of them (us), their sobriety is contingent upon helping others and passing on the lessons they've learned. If you seek them out, you'll have no problem finding them.

Nuudawn

I think we all possess both a light and dark side...I truly do. Being cognizant and accepting of that does much for healing. Duality is represented all over the universe..yin and yang..hot and cold...night and day. In recovery, I feel like I'm currently battling with my "immature" self who is still battling for instant gratification...or maybe between my "self and my ego". I dunno...my rational self is suddenly tired and confused : )

wiscsober

No I don't think the flipping out is common. I think you need to sober up.

rowd44

Thanks Pinkdog

rowd44

I really like your insight on my threads EndGame

EndGameNYC

Thanks.

If you need support, this is the place to be. I can't even begin to tell you how many good things I've learned from people on this site. And much of it helps me stay sane and sober.