Starshadow

I'm so tired of thinking I'm there, on the verge of ridding myself of this crap....only to fall back into the trap once more.

I dunno what it is I even want to ask exactly, but I guess the thing in my head is how many times did you "quit" before you quit? Does that even make any sense?

I feel so incredibly powerless when it comes to drinking. I can go a week, 3 weeks, even a month without, but then I always seem to fall right back into it again and go 4-6 days of drinking.

I'm not in a position to get to meetings or anything like that, so I'm kinda on my own here....at least it feels that way sometimes. I'm lucky if I can get out of the house once a week, and the times I do, its 50/50 that I buy poison. I just cannot seem to rid myself completely, and it sucks. I WANT to quit and never use again, but I just cant seem to let go entirely.

I've associated so many things with alcohol, that when I don't have any, it just seems.....off, and I cannot enjoy them.

All I know is this kinda life sucks, and I desperately want change. Its just soo damn hard.

I guess the point of this blog is just to basically ask if any of this makes any sense to anyone out there?

Sorry for the length/ramblin

Soberpotamus

It took me nine years from the first time I quit until I was finally ready to give it all up. I started at age 27 and quit nearly six months ago at age 36.

The death of my mom has a lot to do with me being sober today. Also, the love of my husband has been instrumental.

The past nine years were harder than the past six months, but the past six months have been an emotional roller coaster at times. It is worth it though!

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

pinkdog

Hi Star, welcome. Yes, it makes perfect sense. If you are used to drinking, everything is off when you quit. You won't be able to enjoy them for awhile. Until you get well. Until your body has had time to recover. Until you make new healthy habits. Sounds about right to me. With longterm sobriety, you can enjoy life. You get used to life without alcohol. You don't have to make the choice all day long. Very best wishes to you. Quitting is not fun. It will be well worth it in sobertime. Hugs.

Nevertheless

I have no idea how many times I tried to quit,but the number is huge.
When it comes to booze,or rememberers are broken,but our forgetters work like clockwork.
At 5 oclock I could never remember how badly I wanted to quit when I got up that morning. Until the next morning,when it started all over.
I'm still not sure just what happened that I finally made it. Except I DID KEEP TRYING.

Fred

fini

a gazillion times, Starshadow.

over a span of three decades+.
and now i've been sober 6+.

don't give up.

DayTrader

Sure it sounds familiar.

AA's got a solution that's worked for decades.

EndGameNYC

Depends on who you ask and how honest they are when they respond.

If you ask people how many times they relapsed after making sobriety their number one priority, lived an honest and sober life, continued to get the help they needed to stay sober all along the way, and helped others to achieve sobriety, then the rate and number of relapses will be relatively low.

If you ask everyone who suffers from alcoholism, then over 90% will tell you that they've relapsed on multiple occasions.

Neither AA nor treatment are magic. We don't get sober by sitting in a therapist's chair or in a chair in church basements no matter how many times we do it. There are no free passes, no way around withdrawal, and no fast lane to recovery. We typically fall whenever we place our sober thinking and sober behavior on 'pause'.

Alcoholism is a life-and-death struggle. When we don't put ourselves into sobriety completely, then we are bound to fail. If you want to live a better life, then sobriety must come before family and other relationships, before money and work, and before anything else in life. Only then can we stop looking over our shoulders and get on with the business of living a good life.

Johno1967

Mmmmm...sounds like you are stuck in the mud and need a hand to pull you out. Also looks like you just done a Step 1 to me. You got a phone? Call AA and start thinking about Step 2 and Step 3.