rowd44

I found in my life I loved to compare to poor examples which always made me feel better about myself. The problem, when we compare ourselves to the “Hitler’s” of the world for a lack of better example, we always seems to look pretty good. We can have a messy side of the street and say, well compared to that person I am doing pretty well. When it comes to drinking we can always find others that are worse off; but when we are honest with ourselves we are just living a lie. Understanding my life is a mess…granted not as big of a mess when compared to others, but still a mess. I also consider myself lucky. How many times did I drive when I shouldn’t have. Maybe I was able to get away with it and not lose my license or worse hurt someone…so can I really say I am not as bad as the person who lost their license or killed someone in an accident. Recovery starts with honesty…honesty about who we are…Alcoholics!

seahorse661

Comparing myself with others who I thought were "worse" than me was the only way I could justify to myself what I was doing to me, my family and my life.

Of course it was all lies...

GracieLou

It does start with admitting we are alcoholics, that is the first step, then comes acceptance. I knew I was an alcoholic for years but that also in some ways became my excuse.

It is like someone that was born with brown hair but they dye it blonde* and have done so for 25 years. They laugh at the blonde jokes, they act ditzy and blame it on being blonde, they appear to have more fun, because well, blondes have more fun. Underneath they know they are a brunette but they use the blonde hair to explain away their actions. I am sure many looked the other way thinking "Typical Blonde".

I also compared myself to others. Then as time went on I was doing the exact same things that I had complained they were doing. Many of these I did not see until I got a little sober time. The BB states that more will be revealed and it is the truth. I now see how bad I was. I am sure there is a person or two that looked in my direction and said "I am not that bad".

I carried this into AA. I did not compare that I was not that bad as much as why are these other people doing their recovery different. Some that had less sober time then me were already chairing meetings. Some had completed the 12 steps at three months sober while I was only on step four. Then there were others that were still on step three after two or three years sober.

My sponsor had to remind me, more than once, that I am exactly were I need to be. While I may be an alcoholic and we have many of the same characteristics and similar stories, my recovery is my own.



*Disclaimer: I in no way think any different about blonde people then brunettes. I was just using this as an example.

bi11fish

Once I started to relate to others and not compare, I became teachable.

blackoutgirl

I tried to compare myself against others for a long, long time. It's an easy way to justify drinking and getting out of control, especially when we'd have parties a couple of years ago and someone would do something more embarrassing than me. Secretly, I was happy on the inside and knew that that person had taken the attention off of me for a moment. Or, I used to watch the show, Intervention, to feel better about myself. Sad, but true.

Probably in the last year is when I stopped comparing myself to other drinkers. I knew I had a significant problem and had to wise up to that fact. I found no justification in comparing and realized that I was still hurting myself and it didn't matter what other people were doing, and that's when the depression seemed to kick in high gear.

jazzfish

I compared myself to bad examples (at least I'm not that bad), good examples (they drink a ton and they seem normal and happy), and normal examples (normal people drink normally. I'm going to will myself to be normal too!). I was looking everywhere, but at me and the evidence. The evidence is that I have never drank normally and the reality is that it had made me miserable and my life unmanageable.

Threshold

Thanks for this, great thread!

Comparison got me nowhere, total navel gazing. An interesting distraction.

For awhile my aim was actually to be worse than a lot of people around me, I wanted to be all bad ass. Then I got scared, because I was no longer able to control the level of bad ass I was. Oops!

Luckily, I was scared enough that I stopped looking at anyone else, I just knew I was careening toward a bad end and had to jump ship. Treading water now. Learning how to swim. Sharks are circling but I'm away from the whirl pool.

gaffo

After I quit I noticed a change in others' perception of me, especially other drinkers. I went from being the guy who drank too much every day all day to the guy who could just give up drinking for good. Up became down and black became white. Talk about a paradigm shift! The fact that I just keep on not drinking and improving my body and soul keeps reinforcing this. Good riddance to the people who need to feel superior to a raging alcoholic. Go buy your own beer!

karate

The bottom line is whats best for you .

I really don't concern myself with what other people do ,not my business .

I will help anyone if they ask , but they have to ask ,otherwise I mind my own business .

pinkdog

Hi rowd, I think honesty is key. I believe you can only compare yourself to yourself. Because you are a unique individual. I measure my progress by comparing where I have been and where I am now. Very best wishes. Sobriety is a journey. It is well worth it.

neferkamichael

Rowd44, at 3 years sober, I just beginning to work on my behavior and that is turning out to be a challenge. Gettin over the comparisons with others and focusing on me. I'm not even comparing myself to good examples. It's my life and I'm gonna live it. Rootin for ya.

rowd44

Thanks Gracielou! Very helpful

newwestdork

I really liked a booklet I was given at my first AA meeting - "So you think you're different?"- which addressed various reasons that people dredge up to avoid facing their addiction. Like you say, there's always somebody who is worse off - the booklet discussed this as somebody who had a relatively high "bottom. I was mostly in this category, as I had not at the time lost a job, although I would shortly thereafter.

It also spoke to people who had hit "low bottoms" (sleeping on the street), atheists, agnostics, various faiths, LGBT, various races, etc.

These are just all excuses not to address our problems - "I'm too far gone", "I'm not far gone enough", "AA won't work because I'm an atheist", whatever. Like you say, comparison is not helpful - if you know you have a problem, you need to be honest.