Leongecko

I cant seem to satiate myself today, got bad cravings for booze, have gone bonkers for gelatine based sweets and as a result feel sick. Having a hard time switching my brain off the last 2 days. I hope im not some super criminal genius mastermind out to destroy the world because if I am I am holding you lot responsible.
goddam crazy booze head!

lorelei

if you are, can you crack open a big safe and get me a few million, pwetty please

Leongecko

Its day 11 today and ive been swinging between depression, manic activity where I am talking to myself, and reliving a specific period in my life when I was about 20. I hope this settles down. I was on anti-depressants for 2 years about 8 years ago, Ive never been the same since, I never want to go on them again. I think my alcoholic brain is churning up excuses to get me to drink. Self medication etc. Hate being depressed.

Leongecko

It's day 12 and i just ****** up and had a drink.

Sanantoniosober

Then tomorrow is day 1. You can do it. I still have times where I think I just need a drink, but I make myself remember that means starting over, and even at almost 7 months (3 more days!) I am doing better to the point where I never want to go back to the way I was.

Slips happen. It took me 2 years of trying to stop, making it about a month, then thinking I deserve/have earned the right to "prove I can still drink."

It may seem like its going to take forever to get past this (and I'm still not past the affects of what I've done to myself), but it does get better. And hopefully you can get to the point where when you want a drink, your first thought is the misery you'll avoid by passing on it.

Good luck.

lorelei

Pmmed you x

silentrun

That was how I felt during my PAWS. It didn't come until month 4 and it subsided. While it was going on it sucked so bad and had I thought drinking would have stopped it I might have. Have you seen a doctor? Is it possible that there is something else going on? Sorry you ended up reaching for the alcohol. Glad you are back posting.

Leongecko

Thanks all, well its back to day one, Ive just got up (got to be at work at 6am, groan) and have the familiar hungover feeling, just want to go back to bed. unfortunately i have too much to do.
Better get back on it.

Dee74

I think it's good you have this thread leon - I think re-reading could really help you identify issues and problems that you might want to approach differently this time?

D

Leongecko

Thanks Dee, i just wish I knew how. I think I make great progress and then when I slip like yesterday I realise I don't have a handle on this at all.

rAAt

Fellowship
^*^*^*^*^
"Today, I'm counting my blessings instead of my troubles.
When I walked into the friendly atmosphere
of my first AA meeting, I knew I was where I belonged.
Here were people who had thought and felt as I had.
Here was the understanding I'd been searching for all my life.
These people were my friends,
and I felt their sincere interest in me.
With these new and enlightening doors opening up to me,
I was able to make the eventual decision to stop drinking,
a day at a time -- because I, too, was an alcoholic.
And with this came the only real freedom,
the freedom of truth."

c. 1976AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 355