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Playing the Tape

Old 09-05-2013, 10:07 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FeenixxRising View Post
Yes, I agree with Jennie.

Endgame, I winced when I read your post. I thought I went through some rough times, but I see how fortunate I really am. Thanks for sharing. Hearing stories such as yours reminds me that I never want to let my alcoholism take me that far into an alcoholic Hell (and believe me, that is exactly where I was headed).

And you have my respect for pulling yourself out of that Hell. I can only imagine how tough it was.
Thanks FR and Jennie.

I've heard stories that are much worse. At least I took no one with me. At least not all the way. If you're familiar with Dee's story, then you're also familiar with herculean struggle and redemption.

Although I comment on many things here, my message is always the same. Just as anyone can find themselves in the Ninth Circle of Hell and, very quickly, as was the case for me, making the ascent back to life is also available to anyone who wants it.
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:34 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Awesome Post EndGame! thanks
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Old 04-11-2014, 06:14 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I too think that remembering the nightmarish scenarios of the past is essential when debating whether to take a drink. Especially the scenes that followed after I said to myself, "I'll just have 1 or 2," which somehow always seemed to be end up even worse then the times I set out to get drunk. The quote below really stood out to me because I had a similar experience.

Originally Posted by MattyBoy View Post
Whenever the first drink calls out to me I 'play the tape', as it were, of my withdrawal experience. I can't truly remember what it felt like mentally or physically but I do remember saying to myself 'this is the worst thing I've ever felt in my entire life' and I sure as hell meant it. I also remember the humiliation of the doctors and nurses in the hospital as they saw me, a young man with the world at his feet, in so much pain, and I watched them as I could tell by their facial expressions that they were trying to work out what it was that got me there in the first place. Was I troubled, abused as a child, unloved? They must have thought these questions but the truth was i didn't know why I went so deep with booze. Maybe a bizarre physical reaction whereby any amount of alcohol would induce anxiety attacks the next day which I would attempt to quash with more booze.

Playing the tape has kept me sober for the last four months and I'm hoping it will continue to do so for many years to come....
I had my 4th and final humiliating detox almost exactly 2 years ago. I'm also young, and remember the faces on the nurses and doctors and my parents. For some it was pity, some clear disgust, some confusion. How could a kid like me, with loving parents and a good education, end up needing a 4 day hospital stay to get off the last bender?

The scariest part of that last binge was not the hospital stay, which was scary enough(detox is no party) but the fact that I didn't set out to get drunk. I was just celebrating moving out of my parents' place by resuming to drink, in moderation of course, now that they weren't cramping my style (I had had 3 detoxes the year before). Within a few weeks I ended up going on a weeklong blackout binge, not showing up to work, ending with me desperately emailing my parents to save me from my urine and puke covered bedroom as I lay paralyzed in bed, slugging down can after can of beer at 8am to try to gain even a hint of calmness in my ravaged, panicked nervous system.

No thanks, just water for me, thanks.
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Old 04-11-2014, 08:13 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Playing the tape through is not a guaruntee, the only guaruntee is a connection and a conversation with a higher power of your own understanding.

If you understand and/or have expirienced, the strange mental blank spot that happens, then it totally makes sense.
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Old 04-11-2014, 02:28 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Actually Matt playing the tape has worked well for me, in conjunction with other things like UrgeSurfing, service work, a little counseling and never ever picking up that first drink.

Different strokes for different folks, yeah?

D
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:09 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Playing the tape through never worked for me. I often found myself drinking without conscious thought, having sworn off just that morning. The reason I had sworn off was because of what had happened in the previous few days. It couldn't have been fresher in my memory, yet when it was most needed, that memory wasn't there.

This seems to be a common charcteristic of the type of alcoholic described in the Big Book, not necessarily all problem drinkers.

I must admit, though, it doesn't sound a very attractive way to stay sober. Isn't the idea fear based? We consider all the consequences and are then too frightened to drink?

Staying sober out of fear doesn't have much appeal. In fact, as I recall, doctors warnings about the state of my health near the end were scary all right, but they just lead to more drinking. Again such warnings are often effective with other problem drinkers.

One of the baffling characteristics of my type of alcoholism was the total inability to follow suggestions such as play the tape through or don't pick up the first drink. It caused great despair to me that I could not do what others seemed able to do. It wasn't till I found out the truth from others like me that I began to get some hope.
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:37 PM
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I must admit, though, it doesn't sound a very attractive way to stay sober. Isn't the idea fear based? We consider all the consequences and are then too frightened to drink?
The way I used it wasn't fear, simply reaffirming the reality of my drinking over the candy floss nostalgia that seems to grip most of us when we think of that mythical one drink.

If I wasn't scared off then, when I was drinking, I'm unlikely to be scared off now

The technique worked for me tho because in another way I wasn't the same person I was when I was actively drinking. A little recovery changes you.

I'm a great believer in whatever works.
I have a lot of respect for other peoples methods of recovery too

D
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Old 04-11-2014, 06:05 PM
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I can play the tape by asking how certain friends are doing.
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Old 04-11-2014, 09:00 PM
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It works most of the time. I have done it in the past myself.

That strange mental blank spot is where it doesnt work, when we arent thinking, going on habitual instincts. Happens to the best of 'em. The only remedy has been a dependance upon something other then myself.
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