Anoronha

so my mom pointed out to me today two character defects I had and in the past I would get really defensive and yell at her but today I just took it calmly eventhough it stung to hear it. She was right you know and my sponsor said the same thing and I will be damned she is right too. I got the crazy idea to put strips of paper in a jar with a character defect on it and pick one out for the day and ask god for help in removing it and focus on that one for the week. I don't know maybe this sounds like a stupid idea. I am going to talk to my sponsor on Friday before I do this. I think she knows better than me on what needs to be done.

LadyBlue0527

I think that's a brilliant idea!

Soberpotamus

I don't really understand praying to God to help remove a character defect... does this mean you are somehow meditating on your defect in hopes of it being removed without you doing what it takes to change? Or do you mean that you are meditating on it to figure out ways to change? Because then, that would make sense.

I know that positive affirmations are what help me to counterbalance the "defects"... if I focus on the negative, I am going to remain negative. If I focus on the positive, I will begin to act accordingly. That is my two cents.

Anoronha

I mean meditating and figuring out ways to change it and focusing on it and forming a new habit basically. I am not trying to focus on the negatives only. I just DESPERATELY want to change my behavior. I don't know we will see what my sponsor says.

sugarbear1

being aware of our habits which contribute to us acting out our character defects takes some time....and we can learn to change them over time......

steps 6 & 7 are important to follow step 5 immediately....in my opinion....

Hugs!

Remember you are doing so well!!! Be easy on yourself!!!

DylanS

Hmmm, well, just my .02 but I don't think we can remove our character defects just because we want to. Isn't that what Step 7 is about? And if I've turned my will and my life over to the care of God, I'm hoping that, when I get to Steps 10-12 I'll have that spiritual awakening and get those intuitive hits on what behaviors I can/should/need to work on.

Again, just my .02, though I really relate to wanting to keep cleaning house and getting the remodel done!

Gottalife

It can't do any harm to try and be a better person I suppose but then again, if we could fix ourselves, why would we need a Higher Power?

Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings means what it says. It's a step on the path to a spiritual experience. He does the work in His time.

Of myself I am nothing. I didn't create a better me. How could I? I had no idea where to even make a start. The God of my understanding removed my defects in His own time. Some, like my propensity for dishonest behaviour he fixed by making me so uncomfortable when I tried to engage in that behaviour that I gave it up, and with others I simply began behaving in a different way without any conscious thought, only later recognising the change.

The other tack is some form of moral psychology which helps many to change their ways. But it has its limits and there has always been a small group of problem drinkers who do not respond to this approach.

The objective of both is to bring on a psychic change sufficent to bring about recovery from alcoholism. Same goal, different approaches. Whatever works right?

FeenixxRising

Character defects are mostly bad habits learned and practiced over a long period of time. They can removed, but it takes time and effort. Really a daily effort to work on changing the bad habit and replacing it with a good habit. But just as we've learned the bad habit, we must learn the good habit.

For example, being a gossip is a character defect, and one can teach oneself to not gossip. We have brains, we have will and we have the ability to think rationally. So we can use what has been given to us to improve ourselves. But remember, no one is perfect. We can achieve excellence, but never perfection.

We may "Humbly ask Him to remove our character defects", but we must also do our part.

FeenixxRising

BTW Anoronha, I like your idea very much; I believe I will use it myself.

GracieLou

I don't think we even begin to want to unless we see them. Once we see them, at least for me, they can't be invisible to me anymore. There are many I have that I never saw before because I was 1) drunk and 2) I was to busy trying to run the show.

Running the show masked my character defects. When I explained away my behavior with thinking that is what they should do or this is how they should act it was easy to get defensive when people did not follow my tune.

Just because I am not at step 10 does not mean I cannot start practicing it. There have already been times that I acted harshly and I had to look at my self, take my personal responsibility and apologize for my part.

I think it is a good idea but be careful to not beat yourself over the head with them. They are there and you know it. Knowing they are there and learning to accept them and then change or alter them are two different things and change takes time.

Take it easy and one day at a time. It is not a race but a journey.

Anoronha

I talked to my sponsor she thinks it is a good idea so I start tomorrow or wait today on it. Not using my own willpower but asking god for help and working to change my behavior.

bbthumper

One thing I find helpful is not just praying for a defect to be removed, but identifying the opposite of that defect and consciously trying to practice it through the day. So instead of going out into the world trying to avoid being a certain way (dishonest, impatient, judgmental, selfish etc.) I go out trying to live a certain way( honest, patient, kind, other centered, self sacrificing etc) Seems like God has an easier time removing my defects when I am practicing the opposites of whatever they may be.

UnixBer

That got me thinking too. God cannot remove your character defects, only you can. If God could do that, there would be no free will, no responsibility for self. People act and feel what they feel, hold on to thoughts and emotions out of their own free will. God cannot go against your will, can he/she?

In my opinion in early recovery, according to my own experience as well.. it is not that beneficial to dwell on negative sides or "character defects". First reason for this is paws and that confusion. Thoughts may go round and round wacky and appear totally real only to be balanced after a while and forgotten as "temporary madness". It might be wise to take it easy and if there is a need to focus on character defect-clearing then it might be less risky to go at easy simple things, and most importantly approached with a positive attitude of some kind. Good luck on your sobriety.

tomsteve

it would be awesome if all of my character defects/shortcomings were removed, but that just isn't possible.
I think that may be why there is a 10th step.
but the great thing is that I only have to work on the ones that pop up when they pop up. im surely not gonna work on self pity of its not happening.

soberhawk

That does in reality depend on your world view.

If I did not know better I would be thinking you guys were proselytizing.

Gottalife

An absolute life saver for me. ""vigourously we commenced this way of living (10,11,12) as we cleaned up the past"

Cleaning up any new mistakes as I went along, praying for guidance, trying to help others helped immensely. It prevented me making a whole new mess that could overwhelm me (past behaviours were still operative), simple childlike prayer helped build my faith, and giving someone a lift to a meeting had me feeling usefull for the first time in my life. It kept me safe while I cleaned up the past.