Wishful78

That I wish that people around me would tell me I need to quit drinking. Even my wife who says she is at the end of her rope with me doesn't flat out say you need to quit drinking. I am the once a week rip it up kind of person but never know exactly what will happen when I really go for it. Have had many many black outs in my life. Embarrassed myself so many times. I guess I feel more anxiety because I have so many people around who are like you just got to learn when to stop. In 34 and have had many failed attempts at training my brain and as I stated in another post I don't care for moderation I like getting drunk and that's wrong right? I mean once I am in a certain place I just have a real hard time stopping usually someone else has to tell me to. That's bad right? I guess I wish someone would say you definitely have a problem stop. But I guess those that still drink especially those who don't have any issue can't really understand?

Danae

I'm sure others will come along with more information.

My own personal story is that even my doctor thought that I just needed to moderate. I'd been hoping for a "you need to quit, now!" message. I had to decide for myself that alcohol was enough of a problem. I've had a number of medical professionals just not get it. Many of them aren't well-schooled in addiction.

From what I've read at SR, many family members are in denial and want to believe you could just cut back. Even though I quit drinking several years ago, well-meaning friends and family still encourage me to "just have a drink, it's a special occasion," etc etc.

Moderation didn't work for me. I LOVE being sober and not being obsessed with when I can have my one puny glass of white wine!

You're the only one who can decide if you've had enough. Usually if you are reading here, you have a problem. What anyone else thinks doesn't matter. Go for it! You are worth it. Sobriety is great and a gift you can give yourself. We'll cheer you on....

lizw

I relate to the idea that I like other people to run my life then I don't have to take responsibility for myself. My sponsor and I often discuss this attitude. I tend to look to other people to make decisions or suggestions for me instead of deciding for myself and taking action. If it is causing you a problem, then it's a problem.

foolsgold66

Hey man, quit drinking! (How's that?)

Welcome to SR.

MTD

I also never had anyone tell me I need to quit. Now that I have been sober one month I have family members tell me what they really thought. Dad told me he was really scared that I was going down the same path as my mom. She died of alcoholism. My brothers told me that I drank to much. My husband told me that he's had to help carry me out on several occasions because I was to drunk to stand. I know the signs where there but no one wanted to upset me I guess. Now I know the rest of the story....

Wishful78

It's definitely given me more then enough grief through out the years.

fini

wishful,

uh, not strange; just wishful thinking that somehow it will work, coming from someone else.
the "you need to quit!" has to come from yourself.

Dee74

I wanted people to notice my problem, to scoop me up, take care of me, and fix me.

No one did, and really why should they?

We're adults - and we know better than anyone else what drinking is doing to us wishful.

It's our mess to clean up.
We actually need to take that responsibility on in order to get better IMO.

D

Jfanagle

If the wife is at "the end of the rope" and you know, (or so they tell you), that you "blackout" when drinking it may be that some folks are already "hinting" at the fact you should stop. However what other people do or do not tell you about drinking has no bearing at all.

You stated that you like "getting drunk," and it sounds as though you are having very little problem deciding to do that all on your own. Based on my assumption that NO ONE tells you to get drunk or even drink, then your quitting problem may already be solved.

Don't drink again or in fact get so drunk that you black out UNTIL someone else tells you to do that. I suspect there is a very good chance that no one is going to tell you to get drunk or even drink.

If they don't, you will be stopped without any further instructions necessary.

Obviously the above is all in fun, in fact problems with alcohol aren't solved by others, they are solved by those of us who have the problem. In short, if you want to stop then do so. If you don't then keep drinking. Talking and writing about it is just something we alcoholics do between drinks.

Best of luck whatever YOU decide.

Jon

DylanS

Hey Wishful,

I had a similar thing going for a while. I think for me I was unclear about my own experience and what it meant and was hoping others had a clearer perspective. I can't tell you how many alcoholic questionnaires I've done, trying to really get it (but then, as a kid, I 'got saved' about 20 times, so maybe this indeterminism is just me, heh heh).

A pretty simple determination is:
1. Can I, when I really want to, stop and stay stopped? (and no fudging like, "Well I had decided to quit, but then I changed my mind.") That 'mind changing' thing? That's the alcoholic thinking at work.
2. If, after I have 1-2 drinks, do I have little or no control over the amount I drink? Again, no fudging. I can't say, "Well, I decided I wanted to party after all." Uh uh - if you made the decision beforehand that you were only going to have 1-2 and your mind changed, it wasn't you doing the changing, pardner. It's the alcoholic craving - the physical component of alcoholism, at work.

I dunno if you've thought to try it, but the first of the twelve steps of AA helps me examine my experience and determine for myself what that means. A lot of folks get into recovery (of whatever form) by external pressure, be it wives, the courts or the job.

realizingtruth

My brother pulled me aside one day after he had carried me to my house when I was too drunk to walk and said, "I think you should think about your drinking," yet offered me alcohol at a family gathering the next weekend. Mom has mentioned it, but also still offered me booze at family functions. I'm sure people suspect it even if they never say anything; it isn't a comfortable conversation.

gigi0310

wishful...I don't like people to tell me what to do but I was an alcoholic..for years, months, days hours; Your are in the right place.

So ****** up I am pissed at myself.

JustODAAT

I think it's quite likely that you don't truly get it unless you are an alcoholic yourself. I was a pretty "functional alcoholic" (meaning I was awesome at hiding it), and so most people in my life think I've gone pretty extreme by quitting entirely. My husband even would say, I think, I didn't need to quit, I just needed to stop getting drunk every night. People who are not alcoholics, in my experience, often do not get that people like me only have two choices: a constant pursuit of drunkenness or a constant pursuit of sobriety.

So relying on someone else to tell you, unless you spend regular time with a recovering alcoholic, is unrealistic. Or convenient, if you're still choosing a constant pursuit of drunkenness.

I came to SR and read my life a thousand times over in other people's stories, and then I told myself to quit.

Like2Hike

Most of the friends close enough to tell me to stop drinking were also alcoholics and addicts so the advice to quit booze never came. Sadly, 3 of them died within a 28 month period. Cirhossis and overdoses. It hurts everyday when I think of them but their message to me is crystal clear.

Soberpotamus

My experience is that people closest to me DID keep telling me I needed to quit... but I didn't quit until I was ready to quit.

sugarbear1

you need to stop drinking now.

sugarbear1

Did that help?

GracieLou

I did too. It is not really a matter of wrong or right. It is what alcohol did to me and what I did to those around me. My children and my mother were so used to me being that way I think they accepted it. It was like having that loud Uncle at the BBQ. You may not like them but after awhile you learn to live and accept the way they are.

My mother has known for years I was an alcoholic but she still bought me booze for my birthday and often times asked me to make her a drink.

I not only could not stop I did not want to.

Of all my family and friends I have had over the last 26 years only one person said anything about my drinking. I did try to stop, for them, needless to say that did not work and I drank for nine more years.

I did go to AA then and you would think that the person pushing me to stop would have been thrilled. They were not. It took me away and I spent more time there trying to stay sober then I spent with them. Their theory was AA was a crock and all I had to do was stop or moderate. They did not understand. The only people that understand is another alcoholic.

Your post make perfect sense to me. To an outside, non-drinker, not so much. If you did have one person or one hundred telling to you to stop or moderate, would you? If anything I think, at least for me, I would have gotten defensive, then I would have felt guilt when I did drink, then I would have started hiding it and then I would have.... I would have still found a way to drink.

It has to come from you. You have to want to stop and stop for YOU.

Wishful78

I guess that's just what it is. It has to be something you decide yourself that you want and need to abstain completely. If it isn't a decision you make yourself and you are fully on board with then it doesn't last.