Wishful78

Told the wife I would stick to beer and just hang have a few. Told myself I would too and I did I had too many but wast all loaded up but was on probation with myself and her for getting blacked out only 5 days ago. I am a touring musician and there was a party on the tour I was on and I let loose and then when I was back on band bus had more beer and at like 3 am my wife called because the alarm was going off at our house and she was freaked out. I missed her call 3 times because it was on vibrate on table next to me but immediately called when I realized missed calls. She heard I was drunk and just completely lost it and hung up won't talk to me now. She was supposed to come visit me out on tour in a day but now is saying she wont and I am sick and need help. We have a baby on the way. I am sorry I need to vent I know a post like this isn't helpful to anyone I am just lost and needed to get this out there somewhere. A year ago I was on here with my wife threatening divorce because of drinking then we work it out and I quit for 3 months but when I am back in the game I always run the risk of screwing up. She has no faith in me. I am obviously going to get on the wagon now but feel so overwhelmed again with taking in this whole thing but will do what ever is needed to make things better. It's as scary as ever with a baby on the way

Wishful78

The misspelling of the thread is a great example of where my mind is at

Raider

Ahhh Wishful, everyone on here gets it. It's scary! I'm on my third day one! Your post is very useful. You've taken your first step. Stay on SR, these people really care. Keep posting. Keep in touch. Keep checking in! Praying for you!!!

Wishful78

Thank you Raider. Congrats on your progress

Sudz No More

Wishful, I have been right where you are and there is no easy answer. The touring road is loaded and I know you know that. I'm not sure I could go by myself back on tour unless the majority of the touring group was sober. It goes so hand in hand with the job. I would bring it on stage and drink it between songs I was so hooked. On a few occasions I actually drank during songs where I could play with one hand.

The best thing you can do is try to find at least one sober member of the touring group and just hang with them wherever they are. Even if it around all the others drinking try to just hang near the sober ones and focus on not drinking.

I feel for you, that is tough. Do the best you can to stay around the sober ones.

Dee74

This is great example of trying to bargain with out addiction wishful. Sadly for us both beer is alcohol too, and it takes us to the same place every other kind of alcohol does.

I'm glad you're embracing abstinence now. It was the only way forward for me.

I was a musician too - I took some time off the tour bus until I got myself together.
Whats your plan?

D

Wishful78

Can't take time off tour is booked job to do. Just got to be strong I've stayed sober out here before

Hevyn

I'm so sorry Wishful. I've fallen back on it too many times, not meaning to get carried away. That's why I had to stop all together and stay stopped. Every time I picked up it led to an unpredictable outcome. I hope you can stay off it and rebuild your health and your pride. We know you can do it.

sunrise1

I am a musician on tour probably 6 months out of the year- the only corner of the US I have yet to hit is the northwest. Everywhere else? No trouble finding AA meetings. They have been my saving grace too many times to count.

davaidavai

Maybe bring her something new than the same old? Is there anything new to be tried? New things make us new people worthy of new faith.

Enough100

Don't be too hard on yourself, most all of us have been there at one point or another. My wife never threatened to divorce me, but she did threaten to leave me. I make a point of looking at my kids when I am tempted and I seem to make the right choice. I missed so many birthdays, holidays, etc., because I was too drunk or passed out. That will not happen to me....ever again!

Wishful78

Spoke to the wife she is coming out. Suc h a relief. In out conversation she said she just doesn't understand why I don't moderate like she knows I can. She has seen me do it. In a recent post I did on here I said i know I can moderate but when I do it's not second nature like it seems to be for most people. I have to try. I have to consciously say well I can only have this much and its a struggle. If I have the choice to go nuts when drinking I do it. It's like when I am moderating I am not really enjoying it jut waiting till the next time I can get blasted.

Raider

78, I understand. I can't moderate.

Hevyn

I can't do it either - and almost died trying.

Glad your wife is coming out Wishful.

soberclover

I switched to beer too...didn't work. Still got blinded drunk and wrecked myself pretty bad. It didn't help when my BF would "support" me in my plan to moderate. My alcoholic mind interpreted this as permission to drink...a green light so to speak. I wish you much luck and I'm glad that you will be talking to your wife.