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Boyfriend...

Old 09-03-2013, 12:04 PM
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Boyfriend...

Hi --
I'm on day 24... So far so good. I've had a few times that I wanted to cave but survived those.

I had been thinking I was needing to stop since probably February. In fact, I "tested" a week then. My boyfriend of over 5 years was my ultimate drinking buddy. We don't live together, but when we got together to hang out, it was the express route to the bar. BFFs. The past couple of months, we were contemplating our future and living together. I was torn...on one hand I didn't want to plan a future with my drinking buddy, but at the same time, I didn't want to not be with him. We would beat it to death every time, and my drunken nonsense started getting worse. I would wake up and regret the babble I'd thrown at him, or worse yet regret that i had no clue why he was mad, or worst of all regret leaving and driving home. I didn't want to tell him his drinking was my concern about our future, because the one finger I was pointing at him would have 3 fingers pointing right back at me...

I quietly planned my quit date, while still planning to live it up for my birthday weekend one last time. However, on my quit date, he told me he needed a break before I could even tell him I was quitting. He said it was obvious we both had a drinking problem. I left in tears. I wrote him a letter letting him know what I had wanted to discuss, that I was quitting, that I'd been so surprised he felt he had a drinking problem too (I thought he was happy with himself), and that my hope was that we could change together since I now knew he saw it as a problem too. He texted that he'd read it and said agree totally. I assume that was to the drinking part, although other things were said.

I saw him for the first time Friday, and we were happy to be together. However, he was drinking -- a lot -- and I wasn't. He had family in town, and we took them out. I sat and watched the 3 of them pour beer down their throats for 9 hours. I was soooooo bored...yet still somehow happy he wanted me back around... I thought maybe he was keeping status quo while they were here, but he drank all yesterday afternoon too.

So now what? I know we need to actually talk. I still don't know conclusively that reason for the break was drinking. But more so, he obviously is still drinking and I'm not. How can we have anything in common that way...? Yet I'm so sad and afraid to not have him. And I love him. But I want a full-time partner too. This isn't easy.
TexasAngel8 is offline  
Old 09-03-2013, 10:25 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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You've gotta preserve yourself.

Talk to him.

No matter how much you love him, if he won't quit with you, he will only (even if inadvertently) drag down your efforts.....

As much as it hurts......I think you know deep down what needs to be done....
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:24 PM
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Hi TexasAngel (and welcome to SR!)

Congrats on 24 days sober! I agree with HereIAm about taking care of yourself first. I think it's going to be difficult (and very frustrating) for you if you're committed to sobriety and he's still drinking.

It sounds like he is at least able to admit he has a problem, which is a good thing. I know this has to be difficult for you.... it would probably help to stay close to some kind of support during this time.
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:37 PM
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Hi, I'm sorry for the pain you're in. I don't think anyone in active addiction can be a good partner in a relationship; they just aren't emotionally available and their priority is not the relationship.

Well done on your 24 days and I hope when you make your decision that you keep your sobriety your priority
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:40 AM
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Start convincing him to also quit drinking as that is bad in the long run. Maybe you can talk about the bad effects in the future.
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