jgray1978

Today marks 2 years sober...But I feel like I have given up much more then alcohol. I feel almost emotionless most of the time now. I don't have any real desires or passions in life. I work on my computers (I have a server room in my house that I host a myriad of services out of) and work on my little farm but I don't feel like I have any fire in me for anything anymore. I almost feel dead to the world. I don't know that I would call it depression as I'm not really sad...Just blah...All of the time.

Anyone experience this or have any thoughts?

pinkdog

Hi j, sounds like you need a hobby. Drinking was my main hobby. I had to find new ones. Maybe look around and find something that appeals to you. Maybe something you used to do before you started drinking. Maybe something you always wanted to do. Go get em.

JaylaaKent

I have the same problem jgray - when I don't drink I become this emotional zombie. I don't have an answer other than I have struggled with sobriety off/on for two years - and I cherish sobriety much more. Wish I had more answers other than you are not alone.

Johno1967

Do you feel it is a hole that drinking would fill? For my part, I know what you mean. It's the depression, the blues, whatever you want to call it "Churchill's black dog". I have some spiritual tools I use to deal with it as well as meditation. That elusive sense of purpose is still to come. Everything else aside, I know that going backward is not an option. The answers will come and the dark clouds will part.

shil2587

It sounds very similar to people I know who have suffered depression. With me, it took three years to get used to not being on an emotional roller-coaster. For the whole time, I thought there was something wrong with me because I felt 'cold' to the world - no real emotions. It got better and suddenly everything clicked all within a month or two where contentedness really set in and emotions started coming back. I think it's like 'brain armour'. Can take a while for the head to take it off and let things through sometimes.

erics

Google " dysthymia" and see what you think. I can relate. I think I'm still grieving the loss of the fun things that came with alcohol. Of course I have to then miss ALL of the things that with it, not just what I choose to remember. I'm 41 and just now trying to figure out what interests me. Before that it all related to using.

hypochondriac

That sounds very depression like to me. Did you make other changes in your life other than just giving up alcohol?

jgray1978

No. I really have no desire to go back. I am an analytical thinker and have a sense of appreciation for my ability to think things through now. I also appreciate being able to complete projects. The wife also appreciates me being able to finish projects...LOL

DarkDays

Congrats on 2 years sober.

silentrun

Congrats on the 2 years. Is that feeling worse today than usual? There is a 2 year paws for some people.

jgray1978

Thanks.

No, not really worse. This feeling of dullness is about the same as it has been over much of the last 2 years.

PAWS was a real bitch! Especially running up on the first six months or sobriety. My mind would just blank. I would forget what I was talking about. Sometimes hard to compose a sentence. There's a big reason why I have no interest in returning to my drinking career.

Adillac

I very much know what you describe. Before it got really bad, about 6 years ago, I was writing poetry, playing guitar, goin to school, working. Now, I just don't care about anything most of the time. I take anti-depressants but they do not work, at least not really. If I feel anything, it is usually anger/frustration. I think some people just have this thing, whatever it is.

Gottalife

Maybe you could try a little spritual exercise. Do someone else a good turn and don't get found out. See how that makes you feel.

longbeachone

Depression comes in many forms, not just sadness. Years of alcohol abuse can disrupt the serotonin delivery in your brain, leading to chemical depression. You should discuss this with your Doctor. If you are dealing with depression, it's practically impossible to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Ask for help. Life is too short to waste so much time feeling down.

soberclover

I know I have clinical depression and I do take medication as I know my years of drug/alcohol use did a number on my natural ability to create my "happy" neuro-abilities. At times I build up an immunity of sorts to my antidepressant and need to try another. I am in therapy which occurs in yearly cycles. I'm still trying to figure out who my sober self is. I don't always know what to do with myself either.

Dee74

Hi jgray

I'm sorry you';re feeling low...I certainly felt that way for a good long while...not two years tho - maybe it's worth checking with your Dr to make sure there's nothing physically wrong...or that it's not depression?

D

Kathleen41

Sorry your feeling this way. May I suggest cardiovascular exercise, if you health allows, for at least 40 minutes most days of the weeks. It will naturally increase your "feel good" neurotransmitters!!

Also, definitely think you should see your doctor. Do routine bloodwork and ask him/her to check your vitamin D level, 60% of adults are deficient.

FeenixxRising

Sounds like anhedonia which is an inability to take pleasure in activities you usually found enjoyable.

My go to "cure" for an emotional imbalance is exercise and a change in diet. Do you exercise at all? Eat properly? Even something as simple as walking 30 minutes each day can really help with one's moods.

EndGameNYC

Sounds like it could be depression to me, jg, particularly given the length of time you've dealing with what you describe.

In none of your comments did I see any mention of treatment or any kind of program or other supports that you've been accessing in your sobriety. Most of us need something more than just putting down the drink.

Having an analytical mind is fine, but we cannot think ourselves out of every problem that life brings.

Sally3127

I am in the same boat. I am7 months sober and have no motivation for anything but eating which is why I m gaining weight and now I really am depressed. I get up, go to work, come home, go to a meeting, come home and go to bed. Weekends can be a bitch. I take anti-depressants but obviously they aren't working. But I'm not drinking.