Wishful78

Truth is I can drink moderately I just don't. And the vicious cycle continues. Theres the night I have one or two and stop. But i look at the empty glass and say well that was stupid. Why stupid? Because I drank and didn't get drunk. Then theres a night like last night where I throw up all over the place and black out the same way I did at 17. Then I tell my wife that it happened and she doesn't want to talk to me. Yup I moderation can happen but to those who want it maybe. if I am drinking moderately its just a way for me to say here I can do this I have proven it so next time I am going all out. All lies to the self. I am a binge drinker and nothing can stand in my way of a drink when I decide to go for it till I can't stand myself. Here I am again quit for 3 months last year time to try again. Because I don't care about moderation I like getting drunk and when I get drunk I am a blast to everyone until I **** everyone off especially myself. Ahhhh the vicious cycle it's in my blood its in my soul passed down from father, uncle, and cousins its all over the family time to try sobriety again. Glad to be back here.

PhaseTwo

I can relate to this. I could moderate some days too but it was a matter of time before I got completely out of hand. Seemed to me if I had takin it easy for awhile eventually a day would hit where I would make up for all that lost time

Boleo

When I controlled my drinking - I could not enjoy it.

When I enjoyed my drinking - I could not control it.

ersatzmatriarch

yeah, i was great at moderation on occasion... when i'd have the one glass of wine with my cast and crew after closing a play. it was easy... because i'd skip out of there as quickly as possible to go home and drink myself into a blackout on my couch.

i really believe that non-alcoholics don't even have to question moderation. and i know, at least for the alcoholic typing this message right now, clinging desperately to the pipe dream of moderation was painful, futile, and ultimately kept me at the bottom of several wine bottles a night for way too long.

i'm so glad to have freedom from that now...

Sudz No More

The problem with moderating even though many of us could do it is the mental torture. I was great at just having "a few" beers but a few for me was still at least 4 which by most standards is twice the healthy limit. Then I would start to mentally obsess thinking about getting that beer time in when I got home. Of course this always led up to the "party" days when I would say to myself how great I have been at moderating and I am going to treat myself. I go out and buy an expensive case of some really good stuff and drink a huge amount of it.

Wake up thinking about the other half of that case and how I will "treat" myself again that night with the rest of it. Then of course all bets are off what I buy the next day and the next.

Come to think of it, maybe I was never very good at moderating. Come to think of it, the majority of people posting here are no good at it either.

Carlotta

I never had an interest in moderate drinking and it always puzzles me that some alcoholics have it as a goal of sorts. What's the point? I don't even like the taste of alcohol.
I drank to obliterate myself...pathetic but true. The other day, the daily reflections was talking on how alcoholics first look for fellowship while drinking then end up with the bottle...it is pathetic that I was never interested in social drinking or drinking as a way to bond with others. I just went straight to the bottle and would isolate myself completely on purpose.

Gottalife

Could you clarify a point for me when you say you can drink moderately if you so desire.

Does that mean that every time you take a drink you can absolutely guarantee how much you will have, That you never drink more than you intended to?

Threshold

I'm not sure if I understand what is being meant by "moderate".

If you mean go back to the relationship that I once had with alcohol, where i could take it or leave it, have a drink once a month or so and not even think about it in between...sure.

If you mean take me, with the brain I have now, and it somehow through rigorous exercise develop the "muscle" to stop at three, inspite of cravings, and sweating...nope, not interested.

Sobriety allows booze to be a non issue, the way it was 20 yrs ago. I like it being a non issue.

JustODAAT

Moderation was torture for me. It was a constant project I was never any good at. I thought about it all the time, whether I was being "good" or "bad," was I having too much, was I losing control or was I on top of it. The constant battle took up so much space in my brain. And I agree with the comment that I didn't enjoy drinking, I enjoyed being drunk, so the whole thing was a constant exercise in frustration and anxiety, even when I was "succeeding" at moderation.

It is such a relief not to have to try to do that anymore.

AnotherPaul

I am not capable of drinking moderately. It's not a matter of will power for me. I have literally never in my life had "a couple" of beers or hard drinks. I'm just not wired that way. I've proved it too many times to have any illusions of ever drinking moderately. But even if I could, I wouldn't. Life is too damned good sober to waste another minute.

bigsombrero

Having one beer would be like trekking through the desert for a drop of water when I'm dying of thirst. I'm done torturing myself searching high and low for ways around my alcoholism. I've found that setting up camp at the Sober Oasis is much more efficient and effective.

pinkdog

Hi wishful, i agree with you. Why would I want to drink if I didn't get drunk. Well said. I go for the total abstinenance. That is best for me. I'm glad you came back. Hugs.

SixStringZen

I really have no doubt that I could control my drinking...I also have no doubt that it would involve mental gymnastics and more energy than I'm willing to expend for something "relaxing"...couple that with the fact that I really have no desire to only drink one or two, and the answer is clear and simple...

I guess I'm blessed that I have no desire to be a "normal" drinker...I want to drink it all, or I'd rather just not drink...so, I don't drink...

Brian316

I've said before, I can moderate as well but it's only temporary. As the post suggested, it's really pointless to me to try unless I eventually want to be run over by the drunk wagon again. Ill give you all a story I heard in AA a while ago. Guy said a group of guys he works with got together, had 4-6 beers and all drove 30 or so miles home without a problem. Guy said he couldn't believe it. I said what that they didn't get hurt or go to jail? He said no, he couldn't believe at least one of them didn't stop somewhere for more on the way home.

sunset01

moderation is like a delusion for me, much like a gambling addict that believes they can beat the odds. Putting in their rent money because it HAS to be their turn for the big pay off. It's never going to happen....when the odds are stacked against you it's definitely time to quit.

Nuudawn

I don't know if I ever truly tried to "moderate". I believe the only moderating I guess I did were the nights I just didn't feel like having any more than one or two. That isn't moderating really. I dunno..I suppose on those night it wasn't convenient to drink more than that or I was busy with something else.

Thank you Gottalife. What you said there was what I FINALLY came to. I had no certainty as to what MIGHT happen after I ingested alcohol. None. Nada. Zippo. My best intentions had led straight to hell time and time again. I just couldn't handle that uncertainty anymore. My life or the life of another was in jeopardy everytime I drank. Drinking and driving happened frequently enough...or sometimes I drank myself to despondence and suicidal thoughts.

I have struggled with cravings in this sobriety and when I do ...what stops me is the realization that I FINALLY came to...I just don't know what will happen after it hits my lips. It could be one or two...it could be me or someone else dead.

Zazzzzz

This is me, too. I did go out from time to time and drink but I'd always want to go home and get annihilated by myself. There's no "moderate buzz" that's going to satisfy, so why moderate? I could probably have two beers at dinner with friends and go home and force myself through gritted teeth not to drink the rest of the night. And that sounds absolutely pointless and horrible. I can imagine no reason to do other than to fit in around friends who drink, but what's the point of that? Better to just not go out or tell them I'm not drinking.

Moderation is torturous no matter how you slice it.

AdanteFornax

I never tried to moderate. I drank to get "out of my head" and that involved getting as much down my neck to do the job and normally a lot more.

Much easier to not drink at all. The steps and program of AA have helped me to get "out of my head" in much healthier ways ...

coraltint

I don't know for sure (because I'm not one), but I think that normals don't think about moderation. Moderation is something that is suggested for people who do something too much. For me: I drank, it worked for about 10 yrs, it stopped working & I still did it for another 15 yrs., then enough people suggested that I "moderate" that it was clear I had a problem so I went to rehab.

lizw

My life reached a point where all it was about was getting wasted. I only noticed this when I went to a treatment centre. That wasn't part of my plan but that was where I ended up. I am sure there were times when I was still 'controlling my drinking" but while I was doing that my life was certainly unravelling at a very fast rate of knots.