Bluebird1927

One of my best mates weddings on Saturday, not going is not an option I'm afraid. I don't want to drink but know this is going to be the hardest test of my massive eight days sober :/ Don't really know what I'm after, maybe some coping mechanisms and miracles :/

DarkDays

Done 2 weddings since being sober, but I was further down the path than you. Enjoyed them both immensely , felt empowered and super cool as the heaving mass around me slurred and collapsed

doggonecarl

Go to the wedding, skip the reception.

Don't know what else to tell you.

Bluebird1927

That's what I'm hoping for Saturday, thank you

Bluebird1927

That's not possible either I'm afraid :/ I'm involved in the wedding til late. Going to be a tough day

Jsober

I've been been to two weddings in sobriety- one being my own. I was very nervous about going to my friends wedding as I was new to sobriety. I also had to go as I was part of the wedding.

One coping tool I used was to always have a drink in my hand- soda, water, anything other than alcohol. That helped me feel comfortable and kept people from asking if I wanted a drink for the most part. If someone asks, say I'm ok I have a drink thanks.

It worked out much better than I thought and I had a great time. Remember you can always leave early after the ceremony if it gets too uncomfortable. Let us know how it goes.

DarkDays

It's fear, when you get there you will be ok in fact after an hour or so you will feel clarity and cool. Towards the latter part of the evening I always find looking at the slurring drunks quite funny it really does re charge my sober batteries .

ReadyAtLast

Could you just go to the wedding and meal then disappear? Does your friend know of your issues? Could you be honest and just say it's too much for you early on in sobriety and leave early? Maybe everyone else will be drunk and not notice if you slip away?

Or if it is in a hotel could you maybe book a room then you have somewhere to disappear to? Perhaps take your laptop/phone and keep SR close to you

Sasha4

I've done 2 weddings sober.

My tips

1. Fake it until you make it. Grin and bear it. Do it for your friends. Go, try and have a good time. I saw the wedding I went to as not somewhere I wanted to be, around people drinking, but it was expected of me. So i put my best smile on, saw it as a job I had to do and got on with it.

2. Give yourself a job/role - unofficial photographer maybe? Take a blank guest book and focus on all guests writing a nice message for the happy couple. Then present them with it later. Entertain the kids that might be there. Chat with the oldies?
Just do not watch everyone having a drink and feel envious. You will only regret it.

3. Keep going for a little wander outside, get some fresh air. If you can check into SR and know we are here for you.

4. Play the tape the whole way through. For me it would not be 4 drinks and lighthearted conversation. It would be 10 drinks, a blackout, regretful behaviour, cursing myself the next morning and hating myself for days after.

I do think the drunker people get, the more it will turn you off having a drink. There is nothing worse than having to sober party with very drunk, repetitive, overly friendly, staggering guests.

If I were you I would just watch and observe and see how most people drink just to get through an event like this because they are all actually quite dull!

Come back and tell us how it went?

Wishing you the best xxxx

fini

Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Go to the wedding, skip the reception.

Don't know what else to tell you.

That's not possible either I'm afraid :/ I'm involved in the wedding til late.

Bluebird, more is possible than we care to acknowledge. even leaving weddings we're involved in

make the decision that you have an "out" any time you need it, and have a place to go for a few minutes or entirely. that means have transportation accessible any time.
if anyone there knows about your new sobriety and is likely not to drink themselves, stick close to that person. have something in your hand, preferably a drink. that way, people are unlikely to offer you anything.

do not talk yourself into believing that leaving a wedding is impossible and that the only other option is drinking.
do not talk yourself into believing that the only other option is drinking.
staying and not drinking is possible.
as is leaving and not drinking.

dwtbd

Just don't allow yourself the excuse of it being difficult. I went to a marina in my first week of recent sobriety, boating is very far down the to do list. Pretty sure they run electricity to the boats just to chill the booze. But I knew that going in, heck it used to be one of my favorite weekends.
I have made a committment to myself that I will not drink, no matter what. Is it fun especially so early on? Hell no. But I could just as easily walk out my front dooor right now and be drinking within minutes. People who drink, usually drink at weddings. I no longer drink, weddings or not. Part of what makes it so hard, I think, is that we put too much emphasis on an 'occasion' or 'event'. And I think sometimes the AV can use this specialness to its advantage, 'sure you can be fine home, but this group of hours is a wedding there aredifferent rules that apply ect'. When really the rules don't change, do not drink. maybe not fun , yet, but certainly doable
But just my thoughts

ReadyAtLast

how did it go bluebird?

Amajorityofone

Amen.

Croissant

Hope you get through it OK, Bluebird.

The past few events I've been to where there was drinking, the first hour was confronting....then after that, the slurring began and I really began to feel good that I chose not to drink.

Going home sober afterwards was bizarre, but felt great...I still had the next day to look forward to.

Bluebird1927

Thank you for all your comments, let's just say it went badly, been a mess all day :/ No events on the horizon, safe to say I'm nowhere near ready to say no just yet. Another lesson learnt on the long road to recovery. Thank you for your concern and advice, feel like I've let you all down. Grrrr

FeenixxRising

I see my original response was too late. Bluebird, no worries, just recommit--we've all been where you're at right now.

Johno1967

Exactly, it's a lesson learned. Pick yourself up and start over. True sobriety most often comes after several false starts. The longer you stay sober the stronger you get mentally and spiritually though no one is ever cured or immune.
On Saturday night I went to a High School reunion at a pub. I got there early and realized I was sitting Alone in a bar and looking at the brass monkeys. Got up and went for a walk to clear my head. Came back and got through the night without a drink though the pangs came. Kept a soft drink in hand and let one or two know that I don't drink when the topic came up. I left when I got tired. It was a Cinderella moment. Everyone was getting drunk and to stay on might lead to one drink. Know when to call it quits.
I would never have been able to do that at 8 days sober. I can claim 11 months of effort and still felt vulnerable. So don't knock yourself, you have the right to stumble and the right to choose whether you get back on the beam.
Best

ReadyAtLast

You've not let us down bluebird. you're back herewhich isgreat. Learn from it and start again. try and get some sleep

bigsombrero

I'm going to jump into the tiger cage at the zoo tomorrow. Should I try and climb up a tree, or just play dead?

Seriously man - you can only move forward now. You didn't let anyone here down. Thing is, you just have to get your head straight here. There was no chance in hell you'd succeed in that situation. You have to start giving yourself a break and give it a real shot.

Good luck. How about making a plan to stay away from alcohol?

Dee74

I kept drinking because I absolutely REFUSED to make changes in my life - and my life was booze sodden, even when I was trying not to be.

Some can do it, but my addiction had me good - I could not be around booze, and my drinking mates, and not be a part of boozing.

Getting sober had to be my number one priority.

If you want change it means making changes Bluebird - there's no shortcuts available that I know of.

thats what you need to think about now I think?

D