Relapses and Ultimatums
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 77
Relapses and Ultimatums
It happens the same way every time. I do something really bad while drunk or just get so black out wasted and sick. He takes care of me each time and is always super pissed off about it and worried about my general well being.
I love him and I'm ashamed and embarrassed and scared I'll lose him...so when he says I can't do this anymore, I readily agree. Of course, I'll stop. I know I went overboard. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll stop.
And I do.
For a while.
Maybe a few months.
And then... A birthday comes up. A big party. A holiday. An event where my friends and/or family will be drinking and having fun. And I think, "we'll, I've gone months. And I hate not drinking when everyone else is. And I'm shy and I need a drink to make me social. And if I've gone months, all by myself, no help, then I obviously don't have a problemso why can't I just have like...two glasses of wine. " <---this is the speech I give the bf too. And he sighs and looks uncomfortable but what can he say? I have gone months, right? It was easy too. Maybe she's right? And when I add, "you know I appreciate your concern but I'm an adult and if I want two glasses of wine at my best friends bday, then I should be able to without it being a big deal."
And I do just have the two glasses. And I make a big deal about drinking lots of water too and eating something. So later, I can turn to him and say, "see? I told you I could just have two glasses of wine. It's fine. You know, that's all I want. To be able to enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of cold beer here and there. I mean, you don't expect me to never drink again ever do you?"
And I know as well as you reading this do, that secretly....that's exactly what he wishes because he's not stupid and knows I can only play this game so long. But he won't say it aloud because he's not well versed on the nature of addiction and the way I word things makes it so he would feel like he was being unreasonable somehow if he did say that. I make him doubt his convictions. And I convince MYSELF that that is not what I'm doing. Because if I admitted to myself that I'm manipulating him so I could keep drinking then I'd have to recognize this as problematic behaviour and if I recognize I have a problem then I have to stop. And I don't want to stop. Therefore, I believe the **** that comes out of my mouth.
The two glasses of wine at the party turns into 3-4 at the next event. Suddenly, it's acceptable to order a drink while we're at a restaurant because "why not? It's one drink, it's not even going to do anything. Quit parenting me! I can have 1 drink while I'm out at a restaurant!"
I start accepting drinks when visiting with friends. "Would u like a beer?"
"Sure!" I say, while he gives me "the look". A mix of annoyance, apprehension and enough feigned amusement so that I don't get upset with him.
Soon, I start a six pack or bottle if wine to bring to friends houses because the 1 or 2 I'm offered aren't enough and I want to cover my bases. My tolerance is going up, so 6 beers or 1 bottle of wine just gets me buzzed.
Then I'm drinking at home. A beer while we watch our shows or a few swallows of some hard liquor when I'm home alone and just want to feel the burn in my chest and numb out in front of the tv.
It spirals. So fast. Until the night I **** up. The night I get too comfortable.
I drink too much. I'm tired of just being buzzed. I want to go past that. But I go too far and black out. I wake up, no memory. And panicked. Oh boy am I ever panicked!!! What did I do? What did I say? Am i in trouble? Did I **** someone off? Did I post on social media? Omg! Omg! Omg!
After going through my phone for clues and to make sure I haven't made any bad posts on Facebook or something, I have to ask him. He'll know because he wasn't drinking and took care of me. But asking is admitting I don't remember. Admitting I don't remember is admitting I lost control of this again and that I couldn't have the two glasses of wine or the six pack of the margarita at the restaurant. It's admitting I was full of **** and he was right all along.
It happened again.
I've been given an ultimatum. Of course, I chose to quit drinking. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. Not over alcohol, and black outs and regrets.
But how do I keep from spiralling again? Advice?
I love him and I'm ashamed and embarrassed and scared I'll lose him...so when he says I can't do this anymore, I readily agree. Of course, I'll stop. I know I went overboard. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll stop.
And I do.
For a while.
Maybe a few months.
And then... A birthday comes up. A big party. A holiday. An event where my friends and/or family will be drinking and having fun. And I think, "we'll, I've gone months. And I hate not drinking when everyone else is. And I'm shy and I need a drink to make me social. And if I've gone months, all by myself, no help, then I obviously don't have a problemso why can't I just have like...two glasses of wine. " <---this is the speech I give the bf too. And he sighs and looks uncomfortable but what can he say? I have gone months, right? It was easy too. Maybe she's right? And when I add, "you know I appreciate your concern but I'm an adult and if I want two glasses of wine at my best friends bday, then I should be able to without it being a big deal."
And I do just have the two glasses. And I make a big deal about drinking lots of water too and eating something. So later, I can turn to him and say, "see? I told you I could just have two glasses of wine. It's fine. You know, that's all I want. To be able to enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of cold beer here and there. I mean, you don't expect me to never drink again ever do you?"
And I know as well as you reading this do, that secretly....that's exactly what he wishes because he's not stupid and knows I can only play this game so long. But he won't say it aloud because he's not well versed on the nature of addiction and the way I word things makes it so he would feel like he was being unreasonable somehow if he did say that. I make him doubt his convictions. And I convince MYSELF that that is not what I'm doing. Because if I admitted to myself that I'm manipulating him so I could keep drinking then I'd have to recognize this as problematic behaviour and if I recognize I have a problem then I have to stop. And I don't want to stop. Therefore, I believe the **** that comes out of my mouth.
The two glasses of wine at the party turns into 3-4 at the next event. Suddenly, it's acceptable to order a drink while we're at a restaurant because "why not? It's one drink, it's not even going to do anything. Quit parenting me! I can have 1 drink while I'm out at a restaurant!"
I start accepting drinks when visiting with friends. "Would u like a beer?"
"Sure!" I say, while he gives me "the look". A mix of annoyance, apprehension and enough feigned amusement so that I don't get upset with him.
Soon, I start a six pack or bottle if wine to bring to friends houses because the 1 or 2 I'm offered aren't enough and I want to cover my bases. My tolerance is going up, so 6 beers or 1 bottle of wine just gets me buzzed.
Then I'm drinking at home. A beer while we watch our shows or a few swallows of some hard liquor when I'm home alone and just want to feel the burn in my chest and numb out in front of the tv.
It spirals. So fast. Until the night I **** up. The night I get too comfortable.
I drink too much. I'm tired of just being buzzed. I want to go past that. But I go too far and black out. I wake up, no memory. And panicked. Oh boy am I ever panicked!!! What did I do? What did I say? Am i in trouble? Did I **** someone off? Did I post on social media? Omg! Omg! Omg!
After going through my phone for clues and to make sure I haven't made any bad posts on Facebook or something, I have to ask him. He'll know because he wasn't drinking and took care of me. But asking is admitting I don't remember. Admitting I don't remember is admitting I lost control of this again and that I couldn't have the two glasses of wine or the six pack of the margarita at the restaurant. It's admitting I was full of **** and he was right all along.
It happened again.
I've been given an ultimatum. Of course, I chose to quit drinking. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. Not over alcohol, and black outs and regrets.
But how do I keep from spiralling again? Advice?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Devushka, firstly I'd like yo say how articulate you are! Your post was the exact song and dance many of us alcoholics do in order to try and get those worried around us to let it be ok for us to drink. Are you really really ready to never drink again? I've been with my husband for 12 years married 8. Long before I finally accepted I couldn't drink again I'd do the same grooming with him. He'd always say babe I really don't think you should EVER DRINK AGAIN. I'd always no how to turn it around on him. Lay low for a while good behavior then bam another out of control drunken mess night.
My last f up was April 8th his final ultimatum is nearly killed myself falling and knocking myself out cold. I had no more room to " talk" my way out of it or justify my drinking. Sounds like your at that place!
I'm not suggesting you quit for him because for this to truely work you have to want it more than he wants it for you. But, having him have a ZERO tolerance as my husband has will actually make it easier. You can't hide behind your altering the truth. He knows and you know. You can do this let this day 1 be your last!
HUGS
My last f up was April 8th his final ultimatum is nearly killed myself falling and knocking myself out cold. I had no more room to " talk" my way out of it or justify my drinking. Sounds like your at that place!
I'm not suggesting you quit for him because for this to truely work you have to want it more than he wants it for you. But, having him have a ZERO tolerance as my husband has will actually make it easier. You can't hide behind your altering the truth. He knows and you know. You can do this let this day 1 be your last!
HUGS
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. We have a disease of denial and it will ruin all we care about then will try to convince us that we don't care about anything after awhile. For that reason we need to be honest with our self about our drinking if it's possible. Next we have to get sober only for ourselves, not the job, wife, husband, children and the other reasons we think of. Mostly those things will fall into place when we plug the jug for a period of time. BE WELL
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi Devushka
I think most of us have been in a relationship where we were given ultimatiums - and most of us went on hoping to have our cake and eat it too.
Some of these ultimatums were from people I cared for very very deeply.
It wasn't that I didn't take the ultimatum seriously, or I didn't love the person, or didn't mean what I said...I just wanted to drink 'just like everyone else'.
Deep down, I couldn't accept that I had to stop drinking.
I had to reach that acceptance before I or anything else changed.
do you think you've accepted it now Devushka?
D
I think most of us have been in a relationship where we were given ultimatiums - and most of us went on hoping to have our cake and eat it too.
Some of these ultimatums were from people I cared for very very deeply.
It wasn't that I didn't take the ultimatum seriously, or I didn't love the person, or didn't mean what I said...I just wanted to drink 'just like everyone else'.
Deep down, I couldn't accept that I had to stop drinking.
I had to reach that acceptance before I or anything else changed.
do you think you've accepted it now Devushka?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 16
How to keep from spiraling again?...It has been offered as sage advice to me that, if I am tempted to drink again, to "replay the tape".
Your story is beautifully written - why not re-read your post when you feel weak or tempted.
Thank you for posting this today. It reminds me that I don't want to go back and you have helped me stay sober today!
Your story is beautifully written - why not re-read your post when you feel weak or tempted.
Thank you for posting this today. It reminds me that I don't want to go back and you have helped me stay sober today!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hi Devushka - your story sounds nearly identical to mine. The attempts at moderation - sometimes successful in the short run, but always resulting in the increase and accidental (which I would sometimes claim was purposeful) drunkenness. The convincing lies - just before the beginning of the end, I had my wife completely convinced that I didn't have a drinking problem.
You sound really clear that you can't moderate, that you know you aren't a normal drinker. I'd ask the same question Dee asked.
I got lucky: I started to get serious about getting clean/sober just before the ultimatum came - I know, because after I came clean that I was going to AA, she said she had already prepared her 'ultimatum statement', which was to be given within the week.
I'm not sure what you're thinking of for support to quit drinking but, though I had a basic idea that I wasn't a normal drinker and needed to quit, when I got more information from other folks with drinking problems, heard the similarities of abnormal drinking and the baffling inability to control it, it really helped me get closer to the truth of my own experience. Not to mention support, understanding, compassion and acceptance from other abnormal drinkers (aka: alcoholics).
HTH - for non-constant drinkers, the denial can be insidious and deadly. I sometimes think this type of drinking is more difficult to address because we can fool others and ourselves for so much longer...
You sound really clear that you can't moderate, that you know you aren't a normal drinker. I'd ask the same question Dee asked.
I got lucky: I started to get serious about getting clean/sober just before the ultimatum came - I know, because after I came clean that I was going to AA, she said she had already prepared her 'ultimatum statement', which was to be given within the week.
I'm not sure what you're thinking of for support to quit drinking but, though I had a basic idea that I wasn't a normal drinker and needed to quit, when I got more information from other folks with drinking problems, heard the similarities of abnormal drinking and the baffling inability to control it, it really helped me get closer to the truth of my own experience. Not to mention support, understanding, compassion and acceptance from other abnormal drinkers (aka: alcoholics).
HTH - for non-constant drinkers, the denial can be insidious and deadly. I sometimes think this type of drinking is more difficult to address because we can fool others and ourselves for so much longer...
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Your boyfriend is telling you repeatedly that you can drink or you can have him, but not both. This will not go well for you when he leaves you for ever just to cut his losses, because your addiction will say, Finally, now I can drink whenever the heck I please.
If you keep drinking, Devushka.... Just a glass or wine. Or a couple of beer, or a six pack. It doesn't matter how much. Drinking any amount for people like us is a death sentence. Do a google image search for 'noose watering can' to understand what you are doing with each alcoholic drink you consume.
Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
If you keep drinking, Devushka.... Just a glass or wine. Or a couple of beer, or a six pack. It doesn't matter how much. Drinking any amount for people like us is a death sentence. Do a google image search for 'noose watering can' to understand what you are doing with each alcoholic drink you consume.
Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 24
I think the key here is to accept that you are an alcoholic: whatever, wherever, the line was crossed, you have crossed it and there is no going back, ever.
I do the same thing, go for months without a drink and then think that I have somehow proved myself. A couple of drinks at dinner....a couple of weeks later, you can guess where I'm at. I'm still working it out.
I do the same thing, go for months without a drink and then think that I have somehow proved myself. A couple of drinks at dinner....a couple of weeks later, you can guess where I'm at. I'm still working it out.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Hi Devushka - my story is identical to yours, unfortunately my hubby had heard me say 'I will never drink again' one too many times and so the last time I blacked out at home and it all got crazy (I lost the plot until 3am and only remember to about 11pm) I promised myself that I would attempt to quit seriously - I finished my Alan Carr book (that I had been kind of reading on and off for years) I found this site and I took myself seriously and that was 3 months ago. He is so proud of me and I am shocked at myself (I never would have thought I would get this far) - I didn't make any grand gestures this time round and took each day as it came - I look back over the last 3 months and see a different person to when I started this journey and I still have so much further to go.
It sounds like you have a great boyfriend who will support you through this so take it with both hands and don't look back - you can do this
xxxxxxxxx
It sounds like you have a great boyfriend who will support you through this so take it with both hands and don't look back - you can do this
xxxxxxxxx
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Your post describes my past actions and thinking about drinking perfectly. I too have a SO that had prepared ultimatums after continual failures on my part to stop drinking.
I do not want to sound preachy , but in all honesty the part you have wrong is the identification of the night you eff up, you do Know which night that is , it is not the night you progress 'back' to blackout drinking, its the night of one or two. I misidentified that night, too, for years.
I do not want to sound preachy , but in all honesty the part you have wrong is the identification of the night you eff up, you do Know which night that is , it is not the night you progress 'back' to blackout drinking, its the night of one or two. I misidentified that night, too, for years.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by Devushka25 
It happens the same way every time. I do something really bad while drunk or just get so black out wasted and sick. He takes care of me each time and is always super pissed off about it and worried about my general well being.
I love him and I'm ashamed and embarrassed and scared I'll lose him...so when he says I can't do this anymore, I readily agree. Of course, I'll stop. I know I went overboard. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll stop.
And I do.
For a while.
Maybe a few months.
And then... A birthday comes up. A big party. A holiday. An event where my friends and/or family will be drinking and having fun. And I think, "we'll, I've gone months. And I hate not drinking when everyone else is. And I'm shy and I need a drink to make me social. And if I've gone months, all by myself, no help, then I obviously don't have a problemso why can't I just have like...two glasses of wine. " <---this is the speech I give the bf too. And he sighs and looks uncomfortable but what can he say? I have gone months, right? It was easy too. Maybe she's right? And when I add, "you know I appreciate your concern but I'm an adult and if I want two glasses of wine at my best friends bday, then I should be able to without it being a big deal."
And I do just have the two glasses. And I make a big deal about drinking lots of water too and eating something. So later, I can turn to him and say, "see? I told you I could just have two glasses of wine. It's fine. You know, that's all I want. To be able to enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of cold beer here and there. I mean, you don't expect me to never drink again ever do you?"
And I know as well as you reading this do, that secretly....that's exactly what he wishes because he's not stupid and knows I can only play this game so long. But he won't say it aloud because he's not well versed on the nature of addiction and the way I word things makes it so he would feel like he was being unreasonable somehow if he did say that. I make him doubt his convictions. And I convince MYSELF that that is not what I'm doing. Because if I admitted to myself that I'm manipulating him so I could keep drinking then I'd have to recognize this as problematic behaviour and if I recognize I have a problem then I have to stop. And I don't want to stop. Therefore, I believe the **** that comes out of my mouth.
The two glasses of wine at the party turns into 3-4 at the next event. Suddenly, it's acceptable to order a drink while we're at a restaurant because "why not? It's one drink, it's not even going to do anything. Quit parenting me! I can have 1 drink while I'm out at a restaurant!"
I start accepting drinks when visiting with friends. "Would u like a beer?"
"Sure!" I say, while he gives me "the look". A mix of annoyance, apprehension and enough feigned amusement so that I don't get upset with him.
Soon, I start a six pack or bottle if wine to bring to friends houses because the 1 or 2 I'm offered aren't enough and I want to cover my bases. My tolerance is going up, so 6 beers or 1 bottle of wine just gets me buzzed.
Then I'm drinking at home. A beer while we watch our shows or a few swallows of some hard liquor when I'm home alone and just want to feel the burn in my chest and numb out in front of the tv.
It spirals. So fast. Until the night I **** up. The night I get too comfortable.
I drink too much. I'm tired of just being buzzed. I want to go past that. But I go too far and black out. I wake up, no memory. And panicked. Oh boy am I ever panicked!!! What did I do? What did I say? Am i in trouble? Did I **** someone off? Did I post on social media? Omg! Omg! Omg!
After going through my phone for clues and to make sure I haven't made any bad posts on Facebook or something, I have to ask him. He'll know because he wasn't drinking and took care of me. But asking is admitting I don't remember. Admitting I don't remember is admitting I lost control of this again and that I couldn't have the two glasses of wine or the six pack of the margarita at the restaurant. It's admitting I was full of **** and he was right all along.
It happened again.
I've been given an ultimatum. Of course, I chose to quit drinking. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. Not over alcohol, and black outs and regrets.
But how do I keep from spiralling again? Advice?
I love him and I'm ashamed and embarrassed and scared I'll lose him...so when he says I can't do this anymore, I readily agree. Of course, I'll stop. I know I went overboard. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll stop.
And I do.
For a while.
Maybe a few months.
And then... A birthday comes up. A big party. A holiday. An event where my friends and/or family will be drinking and having fun. And I think, "we'll, I've gone months. And I hate not drinking when everyone else is. And I'm shy and I need a drink to make me social. And if I've gone months, all by myself, no help, then I obviously don't have a problemso why can't I just have like...two glasses of wine. " <---this is the speech I give the bf too. And he sighs and looks uncomfortable but what can he say? I have gone months, right? It was easy too. Maybe she's right? And when I add, "you know I appreciate your concern but I'm an adult and if I want two glasses of wine at my best friends bday, then I should be able to without it being a big deal."
And I do just have the two glasses. And I make a big deal about drinking lots of water too and eating something. So later, I can turn to him and say, "see? I told you I could just have two glasses of wine. It's fine. You know, that's all I want. To be able to enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of cold beer here and there. I mean, you don't expect me to never drink again ever do you?"
And I know as well as you reading this do, that secretly....that's exactly what he wishes because he's not stupid and knows I can only play this game so long. But he won't say it aloud because he's not well versed on the nature of addiction and the way I word things makes it so he would feel like he was being unreasonable somehow if he did say that. I make him doubt his convictions. And I convince MYSELF that that is not what I'm doing. Because if I admitted to myself that I'm manipulating him so I could keep drinking then I'd have to recognize this as problematic behaviour and if I recognize I have a problem then I have to stop. And I don't want to stop. Therefore, I believe the **** that comes out of my mouth.
The two glasses of wine at the party turns into 3-4 at the next event. Suddenly, it's acceptable to order a drink while we're at a restaurant because "why not? It's one drink, it's not even going to do anything. Quit parenting me! I can have 1 drink while I'm out at a restaurant!"
I start accepting drinks when visiting with friends. "Would u like a beer?"
"Sure!" I say, while he gives me "the look". A mix of annoyance, apprehension and enough feigned amusement so that I don't get upset with him.
Soon, I start a six pack or bottle if wine to bring to friends houses because the 1 or 2 I'm offered aren't enough and I want to cover my bases. My tolerance is going up, so 6 beers or 1 bottle of wine just gets me buzzed.
Then I'm drinking at home. A beer while we watch our shows or a few swallows of some hard liquor when I'm home alone and just want to feel the burn in my chest and numb out in front of the tv.
It spirals. So fast. Until the night I **** up. The night I get too comfortable.
I drink too much. I'm tired of just being buzzed. I want to go past that. But I go too far and black out. I wake up, no memory. And panicked. Oh boy am I ever panicked!!! What did I do? What did I say? Am i in trouble? Did I **** someone off? Did I post on social media? Omg! Omg! Omg!
After going through my phone for clues and to make sure I haven't made any bad posts on Facebook or something, I have to ask him. He'll know because he wasn't drinking and took care of me. But asking is admitting I don't remember. Admitting I don't remember is admitting I lost control of this again and that I couldn't have the two glasses of wine or the six pack of the margarita at the restaurant. It's admitting I was full of **** and he was right all along.
It happened again.
I've been given an ultimatum. Of course, I chose to quit drinking. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. Not over alcohol, and black outs and regrets.
But how do I keep from spiralling again? Advice?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi Devushka,
The addiction cycle of quitting and relapsing can be stopped, so let that idea resonate with you. Going through your addiction ambivalence is a reality you're going to have to embrace in your own fashion to be successful in the quit process. Wanting to quit and wanting to drink all at the same time is the angst of addiction ambivalence. The only way through the ambivalence is to ride out the storm of conflict while not drinking. Drinking again only starts you back at zero and worse. 
The conflict has its own upside for you to take advantage of while in play. You'll become aware of your most intimate struggles with yourself and how alcohol prevents you from becoming the real YOU. Without alcohol the needed answers for your challenges will become transparent and doable.
Quitting isn't without its own troubles, we all know about that. Quitting though gives any and all of us the powerful opportunities to make real and lasting differences in our lives. Its not just that life got better when I quit drinking, I also had more of a worthwhile life to live, if you get my meaning, so quitting is like the gift that just always keeps giving.
How awesome is that?!!
The addiction cycle of quitting and relapsing can be stopped, so let that idea resonate with you.
Going through your addiction ambivalence is a reality you're going to have to embrace in your own fashion to be successful in the quit process. Wanting to quit and wanting to drink all at the same time is the angst of addiction ambivalence. The only way through the ambivalence is to ride out the storm of conflict while not drinking. Drinking again only starts you back at zero and worse. 
The conflict has its own upside for you to take advantage of while in play. You'll become aware of your most intimate struggles with yourself and how alcohol prevents you from becoming the real YOU. Without alcohol the needed answers for your challenges will become transparent and doable.
Quitting isn't without its own troubles, we all know about that. Quitting though gives any and all of us the powerful opportunities to make real and lasting differences in our lives. Its not just that life got better when I quit drinking, I also had more of a worthwhile life to live, if you get my meaning, so quitting is like the gift that just always keeps giving.
How awesome is that?!!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi Devushka. Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story.
You ask for advice on how to stop yourself from spiralling. The short answer is to simply stop drinking....then there are no more bad consequences from drinking.
The long answer is...it can only be up to you....deep down. I can give you a glimpse into your potential future if you would like. Feel free to keep reading, if you like, consider, or disregard...
I have no doubt you love your partner...he may be amazing...everything you've dreamed of. People tell you how wonderful he is...and what a lovely couple you are together. Your families may get on spectacularly....but there is this thing, sometimes the drinking goes too far. You want to drink when he doesn't. Parties, you look forward to the drinking, not necessarily the event. You forget a lot of the event due to drinking, you argue...events and occasions become potential for guilt.
I lied to my partner too, told him he was being too restrictive. Long story short, I ended up having to break the relationship up, in order to continue drinking unrestrained. Those breaks from drinking you describe, became more and more difficult to achieve, and I chose drinking over a beautiful relationship.
I then proceeded to spend the next several years fully immersing myself in my new love. Alcohol.
So, what scares you more....to never drink that next drink? Or to lose everything to alcohol? It WILL progress, your grip WILL get looser and you WILL find more excuses to throw at your partner. Sounds like he doesn't want to hear any more anyway.
To stop yourself spiralling, you have to choose the future you want. It's hard, and the decision is yours alone. I just would wish none of the pain or regret that may come if you let someone you love pass you by for a heartless wench called alcohol who only has your destruction in mind.
You ask for advice on how to stop yourself from spiralling. The short answer is to simply stop drinking....then there are no more bad consequences from drinking.
The long answer is...it can only be up to you....deep down. I can give you a glimpse into your potential future if you would like. Feel free to keep reading, if you like, consider, or disregard...
I have no doubt you love your partner...he may be amazing...everything you've dreamed of. People tell you how wonderful he is...and what a lovely couple you are together. Your families may get on spectacularly....but there is this thing, sometimes the drinking goes too far. You want to drink when he doesn't. Parties, you look forward to the drinking, not necessarily the event. You forget a lot of the event due to drinking, you argue...events and occasions become potential for guilt.
I lied to my partner too, told him he was being too restrictive. Long story short, I ended up having to break the relationship up, in order to continue drinking unrestrained. Those breaks from drinking you describe, became more and more difficult to achieve, and I chose drinking over a beautiful relationship.
I then proceeded to spend the next several years fully immersing myself in my new love. Alcohol.
So, what scares you more....to never drink that next drink? Or to lose everything to alcohol? It WILL progress, your grip WILL get looser and you WILL find more excuses to throw at your partner. Sounds like he doesn't want to hear any more anyway.
To stop yourself spiralling, you have to choose the future you want. It's hard, and the decision is yours alone. I just would wish none of the pain or regret that may come if you let someone you love pass you by for a heartless wench called alcohol who only has your destruction in mind.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
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Thanks Croissant, for these words: "I chose drinking over a beautiful relationship.
I then proceeded to spend the next several years fully immersing myself in my new love. Alcohol"
So true, and thank you for putting it so eloquently. Just threw out all the booze in the house..
I then proceeded to spend the next several years fully immersing myself in my new love. Alcohol"
So true, and thank you for putting it so eloquently. Just threw out all the booze in the house..
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 77
Thanks all. You've given me a lot of food for thought.
I've known but been unwilling to admit, for a long time, that yes I have a problem and need to stop. And yes, it makes me sad because I do take a certain element of joy from a cold beer on a hot day or glass of champagne. I mean that in the sense that I can enjoy those small experiences like a normal person and will miss them. But thems the brakes, right? Because unlike normal people, I can't have a small moment of innocent pleasure with alcohol like that without it igniting something far more insidious.
So yes. I want to stop. Not even just for the bf but for me. I've begged him not to tell me what I've done while drink before because it is so humiliating and panic inducing. I take Ativan for panic attacks because stress hits me hard and I have trouble facing things head on with no blinders. If I'm forced to confront myself, I end up a shaky mess. I don't want to live like that anymore. I'm only 26, my life has hardly just begun and I want to turn all my lofty goals for myself into reality. I want to finish college, I want a career, I want to see the world. And I can't do things when I'm hiding in bed till 2 pm scared to confront last nights drunken shenanigans.
But I need a plan. My bf wants me to go to my family doc and talk to my friends and family honestly about what's going on. And that's fairly reasonable. But I don't feel quite ready to tell everyone yet. That's really scary, has a lot of implications and will be overwhelmingly stressful for me cause I have a bit of dysfunction in my family (surprise, surprise lol). I want to go to meetings. Get support from ppl I can relate with, and bolster my courage for the next part of the process (telling everyone) first. Does that seem fair? I don't want him to think I'm copping out. I just want to be ready to expose myself.
I've known but been unwilling to admit, for a long time, that yes I have a problem and need to stop. And yes, it makes me sad because I do take a certain element of joy from a cold beer on a hot day or glass of champagne. I mean that in the sense that I can enjoy those small experiences like a normal person and will miss them. But thems the brakes, right? Because unlike normal people, I can't have a small moment of innocent pleasure with alcohol like that without it igniting something far more insidious.
So yes. I want to stop. Not even just for the bf but for me. I've begged him not to tell me what I've done while drink before because it is so humiliating and panic inducing. I take Ativan for panic attacks because stress hits me hard and I have trouble facing things head on with no blinders. If I'm forced to confront myself, I end up a shaky mess. I don't want to live like that anymore. I'm only 26, my life has hardly just begun and I want to turn all my lofty goals for myself into reality. I want to finish college, I want a career, I want to see the world. And I can't do things when I'm hiding in bed till 2 pm scared to confront last nights drunken shenanigans.
But I need a plan. My bf wants me to go to my family doc and talk to my friends and family honestly about what's going on. And that's fairly reasonable. But I don't feel quite ready to tell everyone yet. That's really scary, has a lot of implications and will be overwhelmingly stressful for me cause I have a bit of dysfunction in my family (surprise, surprise lol). I want to go to meetings. Get support from ppl I can relate with, and bolster my courage for the next part of the process (telling everyone) first. Does that seem fair? I don't want him to think I'm copping out. I just want to be ready to expose myself.
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