graceful

UGH! Yes I relapsed after 10 months. I went on a free for all. I lost my job and received a severance and since I live at home still I had no responsibilities. Wait let me back up. About two weeks before I was laid off (not related to my drug or alcohol usuage) I started to talk to and see an old friend that uses. He bought me a plane ticket to come see him and I did. After that trip I managed to stay sober. He flew me up again and this time it was different. My sponsor was not really that great so I was not accountable and we had just gotten into a fight. So I went up and yes I ended up doing Ketamine. Well then I went up more and more and partied harder and harder. Started drinking which is the root of my evil. I ended up sleeping with about 8 guys total over this span of 4 months. I traveled to several different places and continued to get plastered and go deep into my old lifestyle with several of my old friends. I also messed around with a guy interviewing me (at a bar!) for a medical sales job, yea needless to say I didn't take that job. All along I knew in my heart that I shouldn't move back to my old stomping ground and that alcohol was a problem...AGAIN! I am currently looking for work and working out like crazy. I am one week and one day sober and no smoking and two weeks and a day from drugs and sex. My lord! Picking up another white chip on Wednesday! Glad to be back but it is HAAARRRDD! I keep wanting to get dressed up, go to the club and not feel or just tear it up maybe its the same thing. Anyway thanks for letting me share.

bigsombrero

And thanks for sharing. Good on you for not giving up. Sounds like you're at least able to step back and view your situation in a realistic light. Very positive, you sound like a sharp cookie. Or a smart cookie, whatever the saying is. Good to see you are back and giving this another try. You have the mind, now make sure you arm yourself with all the tools you can. Good luck.

Dee74

welcome back graceful

whats your plan for staying sober?

D

Tamerua

Welcome back? Are you getting a new sponsor? At the end of the day, you are only accountable to you, the sponsor is just the guide.

artsoul

Welcome back, graceful and congrats on 1+ weeks sober! As you said, it's hard in the beginning, because we're still dealing with the mental obsession, but it will get easier........ so hang in there (one day at a time) and get lots of support. Good luck on the job search, too!

Nuudawn

Graceful....I just really, really want you to stick around here. Please. There are no answers where you've been.

oak

Welcome back! I know it is hard now. It does get easier. Hang in there.

IOAA2

Welcome back. Your “I keep wanting to get dressed up, go to the club and not feel or just tear it up maybe its the same thing.” Reminds me of a speaker some years ago who spoke of getting dressed up to get messed up. Good luck on your recovery.

andbreatheme6

Wow, I really relate to what you said. I have a little over five months of sobriety this time and have stayed abstinent through it. Which is tougher for me than not drinking/ drugging. Before I had longer sobriety and I relapsed on some beer. Not long before I was taking drugs again, living life attatched to a bong, and basically slept around again a lot lol Soon as I got sober again I was like whyy did I do that.. The places my disease brings me are sooo not pretty but thats why I got a really good sponsor this time and its making a world of difference. My experience is that I went to NA and could never find a good sponsor. I went through 3. I gave AA a try this time and found the most amazing sponsor I could ever ask for. And working the steps out of the big book has really been changing my life. Just stick in there and it will get easier. that's what gets me through the bad times and I always come out the other end feeling better!

Gottalife

Just a thought about sponsors. They are only human. They don't have anymore power to get you sober than anyone else, and that's zero. A good sponsor is really a spiritual mentor who can show you, because they have done it themselves, how to work the steps and become connected to the God of your understanding who will solve all your problems. But you need to be willing.

Just an observation, but I have seen many posts critical of sponsors from sponsees who have slipped. I would bet that in the vast majority of cases, though, that the sponsor is still sober. Perhaps there is a little message here. If one gets involved and helps others (sponsors) one has a much better chance of staying sober.