IMHomerSimpson

Im not sure what happened to my "confident" attitude.All my mind is thinking is getting some beer and weed.Ive been fighting it all day long and now that Im home its getting worse.Im making myself so anxious about this Im feeling like shaky,my face is beet-red and burning,and I dont want to do anything.I tried relaxing by lying in bed reading some aa book but I just cant focus on anything,Im reading and thinking about other things at the same time.I had a killer headache again this morning which made me feel weak in the knees even up til now.I do have soooo many things I could be doing but honestly cant get myself to do them.I feel like going to sleep but have to stay up until my son gets home from school.Its been 6 days today so it probably is not any withdrawal thing(had really no withdrawal since I stopped).Im on a lowfat diet(and starving) and smoking more cigarettes than I ever smoked before.WTF!!!! I know this will pass and I will not drink or smoke weed today but why did it take 6 days for this feeling to come? Im gonna take a shower and hope maybe that will help relax me.Like I said I wont drink today,but I am obsessing about it and it sucks.Ill be back later

Anna

Hi Homer,

I'm sorry it's a bad day for you. For me, I was still having some withdrawl symptoms after 6 days, like headaches. But, since you haven't had any withdrawl symptoms, maybe this is something different. I suspect though, your body is just adjusting itself as it realizes there is not anymore alcohol coming alone. One thing I might wonder about is dieting at this point. I just listened to my body at that time and ate exactly what I felt like, which was lots of good food. But, that's just a suggestion, of course. And, if lying in bed and reading doesn't work, why don't you try something more active. Go for a walk or bike-ride, something like that, anything to occupy your mind for a little while. And, I think the obsessing at this point is absolutely normal. I know I sure did the first few weeks. But, that goes away before long. I hope you feel better soon.

Love, Anna

IMHomerSimpson

hi anna,I think Im gonna have to scratch the healthy eating part of my lifestyle change for now and eat foods I enjoy like you suggested.I must remind you guys Im still on klonopin for anxiety and resorted to taking half a extra dose a lil while ago(its already helping).I stopped antidepressant zoloft over a month ago after being on it for a couple of years.I am in a very slow taper from klonopin because I know its not good for addictive people but Ive been on it over a year now so I am pretty sure Im addicted/dependant on it so I have to go slow on stopping.As for doing an activity,I may take a walk with my boy when he comes home.Im not enjoying being alone today at all.

shyQcodep

Hey Homer, way to go in the six days!

I've never posted on your threads before, but is my memory correct that you're more or less a weekend binge guy? If that's the case, 6 days makes perfect sense - it is Friday, after all.

For me, I had wound down so far that my last drunks / highs almost felt like relapses - so it made perfect sense that it didn't really get hard for me until 60 days. The good news is that the really really hard part hasn't lasted forever for me - the rollercoaster slowed down a bit after a month, and I was actually off of the d****ed thing for the past 2 weeks (until Tuesday night / Wednesday morning - sob/sigh/argh).

As I told myself all day Wednesday - don't drink / pick up no matter what!

One other thing - you might want to consider taking it easy on the diet - you're squeezing the toothpaste tube really hard right now and the stuff has to get out somewhere. When I hit the rollercoaster I had been on a low-carb diet for about 6 months, and ending that diet may have helped end the rollercoaster.

Hang in there Homer.

James

In memory of miracle

Hang in there!I know its not easy and I can well remember my first days bein clean and sober.The good news is if you do this you never haveto do it again.Prayers to you I am pullin for ya ! trish

mackat

yeh homer
diet? LOL!!!! if you got this disease like i got this disease, then battling one bear at a time is plenty....
i do AA, so natch i would suggest a meeting, but i agree w/ the other posts- git yer a$$ in gear and find something pro active to do
hang in there
mackat

shyQcodep

Ditto Mac on the meeting thing. Without meetings (AA) and my sponsors (my original temporary remote-control sponsor Annette and my current f2f sponsor Wendy) I would have been back out 2 months ago.

I owe my clean time to my program - and I'm beginning to feel the urge to put that gratitude into action.

The Jay Walker

Hang in there Homer,
I know how hard it was for me,
I can't imagine how hard it must be to do it all alone.

vinnietoo

Homer,


Ah....I believe you said it all..."Im not enjoying being alone today at all."
Hang in there and remember when you get thru it you will be saying WTF
was I thinking???!!!! Just keep posting and you will not be alone.

Blessings,
Vince

IMHomerSimpson

I feel much better now after eating wings and pizza(lost the diet for now).It was not one of my better sober days today but I remained sober.Being alone when I have ambition is no problem,but alone when Im feeling sorry for myself turns out to be a testing experience.By the time my wife got home I was ok after spending some time with my son so again she doesnt get to see my "recovery" attempt making me miserable.Gonna do some good reading tonite when I will comprehend what I read.Looked back at my previous posts today and noticed a very similar pattern of relapse.Tomorrow should not be a problem like today as I will be doing home repairs with my wife.Thanks for the encouragement today,I did need it even though its on this computer screen.Going to shoot some basketball with my younger son now(I may even enjoy it).

Imgettingbetter

Hey way to go Homer!
I've been kind of reading from the sidelines, but I thought I'd say hello and GREAT JOB!. You were really struggling this morning and tonight you sound much better. I know those wings helped! I love wings too! Keep up the good work.
RD

NoMoBeer

You definitely did alot better than I did. Pizza and wings are only harmful with the beer... Sometimes you have to feed the diet demons, especially in the early days. Email me back, maybe you and I can make a pact!

Great job, and way to be strong -- I'm very inspired!!!

Ken

MootPoint

WTG Homer! Keep it up What day are you on now?

Hiya Ken........ howareya doing?

IMHomerSimpson

Woke up to day number 7,(1) whole week with no beer,no weed. Yesterday did suk,but,I was warned about them kind of days and did not give in to my cravings.I crave sex with beautiful women too but dont actually do it so I am following the same rule with my addiction. Im gonna stop counting days now and just count the weeks.Im expecting many more days like yesterday but Ill learn to deal with them much easier,I hope.NoMoBeer,I guess you never got my email the other day,I spent like 20 minutes typing that thing .I will email you again soon,and are you staying sober lately? Gotta go to sons baseball game now,not that I want to today,but,its my fatherly duty. One question I have though,people keep asking me if I got sunburn on face,which I dont,my face is kinda red since I stopped,can it be from quitting or stress or something that goes with stopping alcohol? Not that I have a great complexion but it just different.

NoMoBeer

...sent you an email last night -- hope it made sense! I like that WTF smiley...

Chy

Congratulations on your first week sober and clean!! Let that be your priority. I found taking mult-vitamins helped with those food cravings. Lot's of protein will help to and help you sleep and eliviate any muscle spasms or twitching you may experiance.

I'm rooting you on my friend, stay determined, keep it up! whoooooo hoooooo!!!

The Jay Walker

Way to go Homer keep it up.

IMHomerSimpson

saturday was a relapse kind of day.Im back on track but cant seem to shake the guilt from those 8 beers.My attitude changes when I drink in the last month or two.Im obnoxious,pissed,ignore people right in their face,way too outspoken about what I think of people in my presence(never good) and if Im out somewhere Im ready to "throw down" at the drop of a dime.Nobody had the balls to accept my fight challenges yet,thank god.I could still get out of this thing with no arrests,no divorce,no liver damage and not have EVERYBODY hate me.I miss smoking weed,associate it with everything I do,like mow the lawn,cook on the grill,just walking in my garage gives me the feeling.Its a little different with the beer,I forget Im a drinker most of the day with only a few triggers to make me want to drink.Im gonna keep fighting cravings when they come,I like being sober,but sometimes beer just gets me off guard I guess you can say and I buy it and drink it.Dumping the 2 beers that are in my fridge right now.Ill be sober today but already feel the no ambition feeling coming on and its only 8AM.More coffee I guess.

mackat

mornin' homer
i hear ya mister
was hard to face the fact that without booze/weed i would be face to face with me!
and then what was i gonna do?

well- turned out that i came to really enjoy who i was without the buzz. and then i got off my a$$ and man , the stuff i have done....

but the only way for me was one day at a time
and to hurt bad enough i could get me out of the way of me
took AA for this drunk
and today my only real question
is why did i wait so long?
mackat

We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.
Alice Bloch

Chy

Mack said it all for me too! Hang tough, you had a good start, and can do it again.