Starshadow

Well, I lost a dear friend the other day. My dog past....so of course that gave me the excuse to drink again. Its now going on 4/5 days of almost a 5th a night. Sucks. Don't think I can do this much longer. Want to quit, try, then fail. Really down now. Know it'll get better over time, but life really sucks right now.

Threshold

Hugs, on the passing of your dear friend.

Hugs on the experiencing the he77 of relapse.

Funny isn't it how drinking doesn't bring back a lost friend, revive a dead relationship, get us back a job or make our DUI's disappear, yet we keep applying it as if it might fix things THIS TIME. despite all it's failure to do so in the past.

You can do it.

fini

sorry about your dog's death; it's a big loss.

truth is, if you're looking for excuses, you will always have them. there are always some around.
maybe look at why you DON'T want to be sober?

Sudz No More

I know the feeling so I can relate. The first thing you want to do every time you feel anger, pain, depression. Get into an argument with a loved one or screwed around at work the first thing you think of is the bottle.

Hang in there the next time and push past it, I know it's hard but it is the only way you are ever going to get out of the cycle. If you keep allowing yourself to rely on it in a difficult situation it is never going to go away.

Try again and just remind yourself when you feel down to not give in and make it a few weeks. Before long it will get easier to handle.

You're not alone, remember that the next time you feel that way.

EndGameNYC

Hi Starshadow.

I'm very sorry about your dog's passing. People who were never pet owners or who have no particular fondness for animals, can never fully grasp the extent of the loss we experience when one of our furry loved ones dies.

Many years back, while I was working as a bartender in early sobriety, I needed to put down one of my cats. It broke my heart. When I asked for a day off, the owners and managers (none of whom lived with pets) basically told me that they didn't know why I needed to take a day. After all, it was "only a cat." They were very unhappy when I told them I wouldn't be any good at work anyway, and that I was going ahead and taking the day. They responded by treating me like schit for a week or two afterwords, and seemed to forever hold a grudge, even suggesting that I don't adopt any more cats or dogs.

Early sobriety is difficult for everyone, and experiencing the loss of a loved one can make things seem unbearable. If I believed that being critical and judgmental about someone who relapses while under a great deal of stress, or when suffering tremendous heartache would help, then that's the way I'd go.

Your friend stayed alive long enough for you to get sober. You now have an opportunity to carry his/her memory forward as a source of strength in your recovery.

Gottalife

I know how you feel. Back in the day, my dog was about my only friend, and a very good friend too.

I have learned in sobriety that life has low spots that we all have to deal with. If we have our recovery on the right footing, we need not drink over them.

For me, I lost a job, my wife, father, and sponsor died, and just a month ago my best friendd outside AA died. On none of those occasions did drinking occur to me as an option.

In fact I naturally carried out the duties and responsibilities (as a parent, friend or son) expected of me without giving it much thought. Of course I grieved for the loss of my loved ones, but as far as the drink goes I was safe and protected.

I think the fundamental truth for me was that it was untreated alcoholism, now treated, that caused my drinking and not life events.

fini

Starshadow,
this brought back a memory:
when i was still getting drunk, i'd often look at my dog and marvel (in incomprehension, really) at how she was just....sober all the time. and a-okay. i couldn't understand it, really...she just kept going, in her dog-way, no matter what life threw at her. i could see there were people doing that, too, but it was easier for me to think of them as just kinda WEIRD. but my dog....
when she died, i was in my "six-months-trial-sobriety-and-then-i'll-re-evaluate-if-i-could-possibly-really-have-a-problem-with-drinking" place, so luckily i was sober when we had to do the dying-and-grieving-thing.

right now, the dog i adopted after that is lying on her blanket two feet away from me. we're both sober
don't go looking for excuses. and if you stumble across some good-sounding ones, know them for what they are.

getting and staying sober is work. so is grieving. it's work and it's tough.

and it's doable.
staying connected with others here is one good way to increase the chances.

GroundhogDay

I'm so sorry for your loss.

longbeachone

Gosh I'm so sorry. I know just how it feels to be overwhelmed with all of that sadness, that emotion. When I was drinking I felt like I had lost the ability to process emotion. Big, scary feelings like grief and loss were terrifying to me, because they entered my brain and just sat up there, twisting and writhing. Drinking was the only way that I knew to put out the wildfire that feelings sparked in my psyche. I had to learn that it was okay to feel things, sometimes very hard things like death and loss and rejection. After the majority of emotion is burned off, there comes a wonderful peace and clarity, like a clean sky after a drenching rain.

Take care. Be proud that you were able to be clear and strengthening this tough period.

KyrieEleison

I pray you can break free from the grips the power of booze has over you.

I understand what it is like to be unable to break free, but I was given a break.

I am hoping this moment of clarity, you seeing your destruction will be the catalyst for your change.

Claim it. Make a decision. Ask for help. Dump the booze and ride it out the first days...nourish yourself, and soon you could be free.

Recovery starts with one day. I pray you get that one day soon.