Bluebird1927

My mind tricked me into thinking a few cans agree a hard week at work was the way forward. Four cans and two bottles of wine later I wake up feeling shite. Back again, again, again and again :/

Pamel

It's not fun starting over again and again (I am the poster child for that). But there is no choice but to get, and stay, sober. I am trying again to do that (Day4). Join me Bluebird...

Bluebird1927

I'm with you, well done on day four :-)

IOAA2

Hi. I always found it interesting how easy it is at times that we beat ourselves up by picking up knowing what the result will be. I did it to myself for several years and refused to believe it’s part of my insanity of repeating the same things over and over expecting different results. Finally some friends in AA pointed out that I needed to get honest with myself. With that in view instead of my insane thinking I started to get better and years later say thank you for getting off the alcohol hazy path.

Bluebird1927

It's pure insanity isn't it. I'm 33 but when it comes to alcohol I act like a five year old. Thank you

TorontoGuy28

Get yourself to a meeting during what you consider "high risk times"........ We can't do it alone.

zjw

I used to try and ration them. count out just a few for the evening etc.. That wouldnt work i'd always end up passed out drunk. Sometimes I wouldnt have very many for the night say 4 or 5 beers. I'd think ya know I'm not going to go get more I'm just gonna leave it like that and have a nice easy light night of drinking. I'd either A panic and go get a case of beer before i consumed those or B consume those then drive have drunk to get a case of beer in panic that I didnt have enough. Or C I'd find something else around the house to give me that fix i needed.

I tried to trick myself into thinking I had it under control so many times. The only time I ever had it under control was when I stopped all together.

JustODAAT

This is me 100 times over. Thanks for putting it so well.

Bluebird1927

Great post and the last paragraph sums it up

miko67

Some of these posts resonate with me. A poor lapse in judgement, the big book calls it a mental blank spot and bang you are right in it again. I don't know how many times I slipped into just having a couple to asking up to a house covered in cans and me still drunk going straight out for more to deal with it. It's an illness and the cans were only a symptom of it. I am sober 6 months tomorow , I couldn't do it without help, I go to aa and ca and work the steps I've joined a group and surrendered to this horrible addiction. My life's difficult right now I just got told my mums got cancer. I don't know where I'd be without being sober right now. I know now I can be there got her. I can pray and do my best and she can be happy and proud of me( well I hope) but at least I'm not behaving as I was and that's the least I can do. For me I need to be sober. Hope u r well my friend. Don't beat yourself up.
Peace

Bluebird1927

Thanks mate. Hope your mum makes a full recovery. You are right though, things are much more manageable sober however hard things get

LadyBlue0527

Bluebird, I feel for you because I know that I've had some pretty trying incidents namely the first Friday after I quit and then again on that Saturday. Ive had other times but none that touch those. It was freaking unbearable and really tough to get through. However, I had my mind made up that I didn't care what reason my brain gave I was not giving in.

I think the reason that those were the worst were because I had no idea how long I was going to feel the way I did. I roughed it out though and the most incredible feeling was when I came to the realization that it can be done. If you give in and do it you're never going to get there.

What hits your mind when you open that beer can? Or pour the wine? At that very moment?

freshstart57

I interested in the answer to this too, because I think the answer holds the key to this sobriety thing. Is the answer, 'Oh boy, I am going to get drunk, even though I don't want to', or 'Dang, I am about to get tricked into doing this again', or is it just... nothing?

How do we 'trick ourselves' into doing this? What is happening?

Hevyn

(My answer to the question would be 'nothing' - I'm sorry to say.)

Bluebird - I did the same thing so many times. I'm hoping you'll come to realize it's never, ever going to make you feel good again. Nothing in it for you but misery and regret. It took me decades to get that. Glad you are here to talk it over.

zjw

What helped too was when I realized I was not going to win. I new if i drank i was screwed. I new if i didnt drink i was screwed. I started to realized I was pretty screwed if i drank or not. All my problems and nonsense in life where there if i drank or not so what difference was the booze making anyway? in a sense I walked away from the booze defeated it won the game I was done playing. As time went on I realized that actually life was better without it and perhaps I won the game not the booze.

doggonecarl

I think if you can be "tricked" into drinking, you are already standing on the ledge of a relapse. The trick just nudges you over the side.

There is a saying, you can't con an honest person. You could apply that to recovery. You can't trick someone with a solid foundation of recovery (or Big Plan) into drinking. You can only trick someone who wants to be tricked.

Bluebird, that means you need to getting your footing strong on this stint of sobriety. Good luck.

EndGameNYC

Never felt tricked. With me, it was more of a misguided conviction.

IOAA2

I heard years ago that our emotional and mental development almost slows to a stop the more we drink and for many of us it was arrested much younger than we care to admit. Because it frightened me for quite awhile I wouldn’t believe it. Now I’m a believer after many years being around alcoholics.

tomsteve

I had to stop letting my thoughts control my actions. the best way to do that was to not forget my past and get it from my head to my heart that a drink wasn't gonna make anything better.