MattyBoy

I am a compulsive liar and I need to stop. It's getting ridiculous. I dont lie about big things or important things like I'm completely open about my alcoholism, but I can't stop compulsively lying about the most stupid things. Someone will ask me what I had for breakfast and ill say I had a full English, knowing full well that I only had a bowl of cereal. Someone will ask me if I've seen a film and il feel too awkward to say no for fear that the conversation will die so I lie and say I have. The most ridiculous one was the other day I was in Manchester seeing my grandma and my friend called to see if I wanted to meet up and I said I would!

I think it's a matter of wanting to please people but also to make me sound like my day has been more interesting than it has, maybe to cover low self esteem. I'm finding this habit harder to break than I found compulsive drinking was. I'm making a rule to myself starting tomorrow that I'm not gonna tell one lie. Even if its one that could potentially get me out of trouble. I don't care. It has to stop.

Sorry if this is an irrelevant topic for the alcoholism forum or if none of you can relate but I just needed to vent somewhere because this is gonna get me in trouble one day. Potentially just as much trouble as drinking would've got me in to if I'd carried on.

Peace x

zjw

I think its awesome you realize its an issue. I've often wondered if people such as yourself even realize what your doing. I dont bother hanging around people that do such things because they generally can only fool me for so long if at all. Point is you might only be fooling yourself and further alienating yourself.

Your life might be dull and boring who cares most peoples lives are! I get it tho lots of folks tend to be in competition ya know who makes the most who has the nicest care who had the funnest weekend who ate at the greatest resturant recently who eats out more then the next guy. Who can drink the most drinks. etc.. who cares ! March to the beat of your own drum! you got no one else to please and satisfy and impress but yourself. Probably why they say to thine own self be true.

If you want to impress doing all the things everyone else is doing your syaing you wanna be like everyone else rather then the unique cool individual that you are all by yourself. No need to try and be anything other then who you are. I am who i am accept me for that or move the heck on!

zjw

if your concerned about your wierd different breakfast that doesnt measure up well try this on for size. Today I've only eaten 14 bananas and 11 peaches imagine what someone would think fi they asked what I ate for breakfast haha and I'm not lieing. I think its comical too. I can be in the grocery store cashier asks "do you have a pet monkey or something?" I reply "Yup sure do dont you?" Or "Nope I eat them cause they make you fat" (i'm skinny as a rail) haha

pinktee18

I'm with you there being so messed up on drugs and alcohol fact got mixed with fiction and I look like a terrible person. I'm working on redeeming myself though to be and to show others that's not who I am anymore. Everything comes in time and while I won't get respect and trust back overnight it slowly happens over time.

zjw

I'll be honest there was a time where I wanted to have the new car i had to keep up with the jones per say. Honestly its just too much effort and has no point at all. I'll walk into a nice place filthy dirty with worn out clothes etc.. and I dont care what people will think. it doesnt matter. I find my method works well too because it helps chase away those who do find the keeping up with the jones an important quality etc.. Leaving behind the rest who will just accept me for who i am.

MattyBoy

I think I've made my problem sound worse than it is , I only lie like this once or twice a week and have only become aware of it recently! But when the realisation hit me I knew I'd been like this for a long time and sobering up hasn't reversed this. Btw I'm sure you would like to hang out with me, I'm a nice guy really!

Pamel

This is a profound topic Mattyboy, and I am glad you had the courage to speak about it. I do the same stuff (even though my life has been pretty interesting) but compared to a few other old friends, I am a footnote. (Of course it is easy to not look the other way at all the people I knew who are dead from drugs or drinking, or have not lived up to their dreams.)

I guess this is my way of saying thank you.

GracieLou

I agree that this is a very good topic!

I never thought I lied or that I ever did anything with an ulterior motive in mind. I honestly did not. I thought hard about it too and thought, nope, I don't do that.

The longer I am sober the more I saw that I did do that and fairly often. I did add things to an incident or worked things different to make them sound more interesting or to create jealousy.

I try very hard now to make sure I am being honest. I have to catch myself to make sure I am not saying something for the wrong reasons. I make sure I am not embellishing.

I admit it takes some work to do it but it has gotten easier. Being honest feels really good. I don't have to fret over anyone finding out that I told a lie or spun a tale for my own motives.

pinkdog

Hi Mattyboy, I can relate. I was sneaking around and hiding my alcohol for so long. I guess I got used to it. I still call myself on it sometimes when I'm about to say something I'll tell myself "the truth is fine". Don't embellish. It gets better. Self-awareness is a journey. Best wishes.

DayTrader

cool post. Not sure if you're in AA or not but this sort of stuff is precisely what steps 4-7 deal with. And you're right - the pain from some of our techniques for living can be more painful than drinking was. The danger there, is of course, that if living sober is more painful than living drunk......guess what I'll go back to sooner or later?

I've yet to meet an alkie who wasn't a big-time liar. It part of all of our tool kits for sure. I read AND talk a lot about our drinking being just an outward manifestation of an internal condition. The AA book even has a line that reads something like "we think a man unthinking to say sobriety is enough." In other words, putting down the bottle is a helluva step but it's only the first of many towards a truly happy, joyous and free life.

zjw

I know for me I'll also see people who not exactly embelish but give a story more color if you will make it seem more grandiouse then it was not stretching the truth not lieing and not exactly embelishing but how the words come out they have it dressed up pretty good.

I've had the opposite problem too sometimes where I might be rather excited about what it is i'm talking about it comes out with excitement and passion and then I feel like garbage when the other side doesnt have the same level of passion about said topic or issue and I feel like I just wasted my breath. That can be a real downer and happens a lot to me. Causes me to retreat and then I get people complaining I'm anti-social. Its not that i'm anti social tho its that most people dont wanna hear about the run i went on today and how great it was etc..

I also find all to often people will as how i'm doing ya know how was your weekend. hows your kids. hows your house etc... But i rarely ask the same questions in return and honestly when i make the effort to ask the same questions in return people dont want to give answers its like there more interested in me and my story they really dont want to talk about theres.

strang how people interact.

foodie1

Great topic for discussion. I struggle with this badly, and I've already made --and broken-- a promise to myself to not lie for 30 days. I had no idea just how pervasive my dishonesty was! It's everywhere. I guess being aware of it and (hopefully) stopping it in the moment will help?

Boleo

I was not much of a liar (to other people that is). I lacked the skill set that makes a good a con-artist.

However, I lied to myself - about a gazillion times a day...

Pamel

It's hard, isn't it, to get out of that habit. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I just keep trying day by day not to ADD to the problem.

Tamerua

This came up in a meeting once and is very common amongst adult children of alcoholics. I used to be a bad compulsive liar. Just stop and think before you speak, that helped me a lot.

Dmarie83

Can def relate to you friend. The issue for me began just with me lying about drinking, which carried over into nearly every aspect of my life, and when your life is drinking, and the drinking must stay quiet, everything else begins to follow suit, however unnecessary, at the time No Big Deal, but looking back, wow. Just wow. made me feel like I became someone else. And in a very real sense, I did. You recognize it, and that is a very courageous first step! Hang in there, and be true to who you are