DoubleBarrel

I'm frustrated and lonely.

Seems that I have very few friends left. The good ones are too busy living healthy productive lives. I have run down the list, and only one understands.

My wife is off on a resentment tangent. Ive apologized for my part in it, but she wont do anything about her own co dependent issues. I have to let her deal with her own stuff. I cant control her reactions to things. She wont talk to me.

Ive taken to going to AA meetings, just to be around others who understand, and no one has reached out there either. At least there is an hour of peace.

I cant even get my old therapist to return my calls. Really? Yep. WTF.

I feel like I should be happy that I'm finally at a year of sobriety.
I am grateful to be sober, grateful for my kids, that I have no desire to drink, but I could really use a human connection.

I know, maybe just feeling sorry for myself, but I cant shake this lonely feeling.

Rant off.

doggonecarl

I'm 57 and it's sad to see friends drift away because it is so hard for me, at this age, to make new friends. It's not like we can knock on the neighbor's door and ask if they can come out and play, like we did when we were kids....

Or is it?

I also know that I used to wrap myself up in a cloak of unsociability and then complain that I was lonely.

I was the cause and the cure. No one else. To make a friend, be a friend.

Hope you feel better soon.

visch1

I found that discussion meetings are very helpful especially if we share how things are going in our life. My problem is that I may not like the suggestions given but needed.

I don't know if this fits but years ago it was pointed out at a meeting that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. The thing that helped me was to get involved, active in the program. BE WELL

Pamel

I just have to second the idea that AA meetings are an "hour of peace". At least I find them so. I guess I feel safe there and can relax.

I also like what doggonecarl said: To make a friend, be a friend. I forget that at an "advanced" age, it is not so easy. My therapist told me today to watch out for "Who needs a friend, and help them." Good advice and easily forgotten (by my self-centered person).

zjw

I know where your coming from DoubleBarrel. I've lost pretty much all my friends for one reason or another. Towards the end of my drinking career I got scared i'd run out of ears (friends) who would listen to me because i was a mess rambling on about the same problems day in and day out. And lots of these folks oddly didnt grow tired of me at least they said they where not. Fast forward I sober up and for one reason or another there all gone. I have no friends anymore. Oh sure I have the random aquentances i can talk to the neighbor about the weather but I dont have any friends i can count on in a jam etc..

I think all you can do is be patient. I think people come through our lives at different times for different reasons etc.. I miss some of the companionship I had with some of my old friends but I dont miss the headaches and there definatly where some. In some ways its good I lost these friends in other ways tho its lonely. I try and focus on the bright side and make due.

I did make one friend on this board oddly and we talk all the time it helps But we live too far apart to hang out etc.. But its something and we get along well etc..

alphaomega

I heard this once "Sometimes God permits us to hit rock bottom to discover that He is the rock at the bottom.

BLessings.

SoberCouch

I've been going through some very similar feelings lately. This has just been a recent thing though.

As a result, I've been hitting more meetings. For example, I hit two yesterday. My home group is today, along with a group conscience. I have one lined up for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I've been through this before. I have a little over 2 and half years of sobriety. For whatever reason, more meetings always work for me. I'm also doing another 5th step on Monday.

I guess what I'm saying is, whenever I get in these type of jack pots, I have to get into action so my mind doesn't wander as much.

Carlotta

Have you tried meetup.com? People post activities and clubs in your area and it's a great way to meet new people with similar interests and make new friends. I have noticed that a lot of alcoholics are shy too, maybe you should take in a deep breath and reach out to people
Also a good way to get to know people in AA is to take a little commitment Making coffee is excellent because you get to come in early also volunteering to be the greeter...you have to get out of yourself to be welcoming to people who are even shyer and newer.

Johno1967

Been going through the same thing so these responses are pretty good.
Pretty much same story here DoubleBarrel. Dealing with it one day at a time.
Read step 11 again. In my experience loneliness disappears with conscious contact.

davaidavai

I can relate. I'm lonely too with a year and a half. I've got to add something sociable. Sometimes though I'm just laying there on my bed in the middle of my room, basically the same living situation I had in my 20s, and everything feels OK. And behind that feeling is this feeling of freedom.

Nuudawn

Hey DB...Loneliness is a hard one. I have my bouts of it and that's when I tend to start getting depressed about the choices of my past that led me to the fresh hell I'm writhing in at the time. I don't have any great solutions. I know that sometimes when I have tried to reach out when lonely...I just get more miserable when my efforts fail (people are busy or aren't answering). All I can say is ..I hear ya friend...I hear ya.

EternalQ

A big hug to you Double Barrel!

There is a point where sobriety had my eyes propped open but yet i wasn't quite ready to take action about the things i was seeing.

That's a tough but necessaary spot I suspect.

May I suggest something? Take a breath, look around, and firmly accept where you are. Change cannot happen without accepting where we are. This has been a tough lesson for me but I've found it to be very true.

Thank you for posting.

caboblanco

I had to find the strength to be alone a lot for a while. I have support in my immediate family but they are not always available and I can't bother them too much. If you can be comfortable being alone for a while I think that says a lot. I figured out that these negative feelings that I have were actually created from expectations other people put on me. Finding my peace in my solitude has been very rewarding for me

GracieLou

When I was drinking I wanted nothing more than to be alone. I drank myself away from most of my friends and my family and when I raised my head above water none of them were there waiting for me.

I got very lonely. I went to meetings but that did not seem to fit the bill. I liked going and seeing people and I liked getting out of my head for awhile but after I still went home lonely.

What helped was to admit to another that I was lonely and grieving. Just admitting it helped a great deal. I think it is something we all go through. I know being alone with my thoughts is not a good place it be.

Maybe it is time for you to reach out. At some point my attitude changed from going to AA to get something to going to AA to give something. When I reached out, became more open, talked to the newcomer and shared in the meetings the people there saw a difference in me. The more I reached out to others, the more they reached out to me.

Pamel

I thought I wasn't lonely while I was drinking, but those "friends" were there just like I was: for the social part.

It has taken writing a lot on another thread, talking to my sponsor and my therapist Thursday to realize I need to make "real" sober friends-people who care about me, and I, them, without a glass in my hand. Good luck buddie.