zjw

I didnt want to tell my kids I sort of hoped they'd just no longer recall just how much I drank or put 2 and 2 together etc.. well the other day they where watching a tv show the topic was alcoholism and one of the characters was an alcohlic. after the show they both went on to raise the issue that dad must be an alcoholic because he drank an aweful lot etc.. My son went on to remind me just how many empty beers there would be each morning in the trash and how i'd fill that trash night after night with empty beers I must be an alcolic etc.. I told him thats lies I never drank any near the amount he stated I drank far more then that actually!

*Sigh*

I didnt divulge too too much but then later my daughter wanted to discuss it further I went into more detail and explained not to broadcast this information as its not exactly something I'm proud of.

I'm glad the cats out of the bag. I'll be honest tho part of me likes keeping it in the bag partly because I really dont want it out I really dont wanna discuss it with the entire family I'm worried there gonna mention this to other family members now etc.. And you know in a sick way the Alcoholic in me is says dont tell them you have a problem this way if you decide to drink again they will leave you alone about it and you can drink happily etc..

scary over 2 years sober and part of me will stay no no no keep it quiet just in case you wanna start up again. that way no one will try and hold you accountable etc..

sunrise1

Those are some of my most frightening addictive voices... and my best tool for that is to immediately tell on myself. It was not easy and still isn't sometimes... but I use the 1% of me that is clinging to sobriety to tell on the other 99%. It strengthens my resolve and puts a barrier to drinking in front of me. Sometimes you have to work against your own will but it will be the best thing you continue to do... best to you.

zjw

Thats just it part of me even plots next time i pickup again i'll hide it and i'll drink this kind and here is where i'll hide it and no one will know I just take a sip now and then to keep the edge off etc.. it'll be fine no big deal.

Part of me says your not a slimed down healthy athletic type who runs daily. Your really a fat happy drunk guy thats who you really are. Part of me even says come one you know you where happier the other way why are you fighting it so much etc.. just relax kick back unwind have a beer you've earned it etc..

its maddening sometimes. I tune it out and shut it off look at the sober date tattooed on me and keep on going.

but yeah its like fighting you will sometimes. In a battle with myself. Every day I get to fight this battle too. I've just gotten better about winning.

DG0409

Sounds to me like the kids already knew and you were only pretending that the cat was in the bag.

Or maybe, when the bag is meowing, and moving... everybody knows there is a cat in there anyway.

zjw

yeah DG it was easier to just keep it under wraps. elephant in the room no one talk about that! I kind of prefered to keep it as I drank a lot not that there was a problem or anything. Its like one by one i've had to sort of divulge to those under my roof that yeah i guess there was a problem *sigh* The Alcoholic in me doesnt like this because it means if i pickup again there all going to wine and complain to me about it. The other part of me says who cares you dont intend to pickup again anyway so whats the big deal? but its still a battle between these 2!.

soberclover

It get's worse every time we try to get sober again. This "round" of sobriety I learned a lot about the "kindling effect". That was totally me. I really hope you don't set yourself up for a relapse. What you are mentioning is scary because it is so what we alcoholics do. Those reservations that we have "just in case" we might use again. Scary stuff. Not everyone makes it back from a relapse. I've lost many acquaintences that way. Be proud of your sobriety!!! Don't fall for the stigma so many people have put on recovering people. We worked hard for this....darn hard. It's ok to let your kids know you make awesome right decisions.....maybe it will help them down the road...or maybe they can help someone else...you never know

zjw

soberclover your right. you know the alcoholic in me also says who cares if they know F them you can drink again if you want too there opinion doesnt matter its your life its your body its your choices who cares.

As of now I dont think i'll relapse oh yeah I drive by the liquor store and think about it i go buy the beer store and remember things someitmes if there close I'll even think welp least there closed if i even wanted to go get some I coudlnt cause there closed! I'm not itchen for a drink Its just spooky that there is still that other side of me that is itchen just waiting in the corner poken at me wanting to come on out for a good time etc..

JustODAAT

I am recovering but also the child of an alcoholic. I just wanted to say that I wish my mother made a similar choice. I grew up being made to think I was the one who was crazy for thinking something wasn't normal...I'm middle aged and my mother is elderly and it's STILL a topic that's forbidden. (Even though she developed a cancer highly associated with heavy drinkers, everyone talks about how they have no idea how she could have developed it. Yeah right.)

Giving my kids a different kind of childhood is a big motivation for my sobriety. I just wanted to share that I think what you did was great for your kids. I know having the opportunity to talk about it would have made a big difference for me.

PhaseTwo

Yeah I realized that part of me was waiting in the shadows for some rainy day to pick up again too so I just went ahead and told all of my immediate family. If I ever relapse they will be on my ass like that which I'm sure would be annoying but it's a good thing

ZoeM

when the bag is meowing, and moving... everybody knows there is a cat in there anyway.

DG0 - I am SOOOOOOO pinching that phrase

Zebra1275

My kids, now 22 and 20 didn't realize I had a drinking problem until I crashed and burned about 4 years ago. I was pretty good at keeping it hidden, fooled a lot of people, including myself.

Four years ago I had to spend 3 days in the hospital for a medical detox after a week long binge. It was difficult discussing it with them, but that's my problem, not theirs. They needed to know, especially as they headed off to college that dad has a drinking problem and they likely have a genetic predisposition.

To withhold that information from them, and then have them develop an alcohol problem during their college years (as I did) would be unforgivable.

zjw

thanks JustODAAT I had a simlier situation growing up my stepfather was an alcoholic tho I had no idea really till after I realized i was. To me drinking like that was normal. I new his phsycotic behavior wasnt but I never put 2 and 2 together till much later in life. I dont want that for my kids tho i was always good to them in my drinking days at least not abusive etc.. I probably could have been better tho.