Brian316

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself but I feel like I've hit another bottom. I had 17 days last month and still went back. I really want and hope for this to be my last time. I just have to accept and live around the fact that when it comes to drink, I am not a normal person.

Kayla50

Day 1 for me too. I'm so discouraged and am having withdrawl symptoms.

Brian316

Me too. No appetite, shakiness, nervousness and depression. Hopefully I will get back to AA soon.

EndGameNYC

Everyone has a Day 1. Often several. Better than Day -1.

Welcome back.

Kayla50

I hope my shakes go away by tomorrow or I'm screwed at my job.

GoodbyeJose

I don't want to downplay what you are feeling on day 1. I've been there a few times and it's the pits...

I will say though, that the only way I've made it this far (this time) is to view each and every day as day 1. I don't pretend I won't drink for the rest of my life any more. That's too much pressure and anxiety. I can, however, promise to not drink TODAY. So today is all I care about.

Just worry about today. if the withdrawals are too much ,talk to your doctor. Alcohol withdrawals are no joking matter.

Thinking of you.

Kayla50

Will I feel a seizure coming on?

KyrieEleison

It really helped me on day one to get my big book out and start reading from the title page.

Go get your book. Start reading. Concede.

Faced with alcoholic destruction, we are beaten into a state of reasonableness.

We can either keep destroying ourselves, or be willing to follow a new way of living.

Choose life.

Nourish yourself.

Try to get some rest.

Prayer might help.

They don't call alcohol the great persuader for nothing.

Sometimes we have to drink to get the full realization that we are going to die if we keep this up.

It takes what it takes.

Kayla50

I look awful. My face is bright red. And I picked all over it from anxiety. This is torture.

Brian316

Thank you Kyrie. I will take the big book suggestion, I do actually own one. I've been saying a lot of prayers today and just ate my first real food. I guess I have no choice about being an alcoholic but I am making a choice not to be a drunk.

DylanS

Welcome back, Brain and Kayla. Don't give up. Like others have said: it's not at all uncommon to have more than one "Day 1". It often takes more than the first try to get and stay clean/sober.

Really related to the "no choice about being an alcoholic, but I am making a choice not to be a drunk".

Kayla - I don't know about seizures at all. You might do a search - it's been discussed here on SR quite a bit. It's usually pretty heavy, almost daily or daily drinkers that need to worry about it I think, but I just don't know. Don't wait if you think you might be at risk. Do a search here on SR, read up on it, call your doc!

fini

[QUOTE=Brian316;4131682]I don't know why I keep doing this to myself .....QUOTE]

Brian,
for a long time, i convinced myself i needed to know why i kept going back there...but you know what? i didn't have to know why i kept doing that to myself in order to stop. what i needed was to know why i wanted to stop. THAT is the "why" that hyelped.

you can do this. never give up.

KyrieEleison

Kyrie is Lord...Eleison is Have Mercy...

I am just a member of AA

It's all good...you actually said Thank you Lord.

Happy to hear you will take the suggestion to read the book. Prayers help I am sure.

Happy to hear you were able to eat, as that is important also.

Yes, we have no choice about that we are alcoholic; but we have the choice to go on to the bitter end drinking ourselves to death or to accept spiritual help.

I'm glad recovery makes sense to me today.

Never forget day one.

I pray I never forget day one.

To anyone feeling badly, and mustering up the strength to make this your day one...or two or three...

May you be encouraged today.

Dee74

Welcome back Brian

Have you given any though to what you might do differently this time?

D

Dee74

I'm not a Dr, but most likely not - things can really move fast when there's something wrong Kayla.

I hope you took the advice you got in your other thread and saw a Dr

D

artsoul

Glad you're back, but sorry you're going through this, Brian (you, too, Kayla). It's pure misery, I know, but you have it in you to get sober and reclaim your life. You're worth it!

Brian316

Thank you all for the kind posts. I've been here off and on for about 2 and 1/2 years and every time I've relapsed, it's hard for me to come back remembering how good I felt and how proud I was of sobriety days I'd built up only to lose them again. It's happened several times. But, it really helps to read posts and know there's others that have done the same or similar. I actually live in a rural area and have no car or job at the moment, so that makes getting to an AA meeting difficult. So I can't express how much these forums have been helpful to me. Dee, as far as what I might do different this time I am just thinking basic to start. Don't go into a bar, tell friends before any meeting I am not drinking that day (don't think I'd be pressured much by my true friends, I've hurt and dissappointed alot of people with my alcoholism), and remember booze for me is a problem, not a solution. Hoping as I get further along I develop more tools and a better plan. Until then I am just taking it one day at a time. Day 2 here!

jaynie04

Kayla, I called a doctor. It helped in 2 ways. Someone else took over and I did not have to do it alone. By enlisting the help of others I flipped a switch....it felt so good to be honest.

Dee74

have you thought about getting more support Brian? I think that may help.

That, and making changes to your life - if your life is anything like mine was, it's pretty alcoholically focused?

D

Brian316

More support as far as like an IOP or more AA? I am going to be able to make it to a meeting tomorrow, I don't really have money for a rehab. I do need to make some life changes I know. What did you mean by alcoholically focused?