Making peace with letting the drinking option go
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
For the longest time, I was absolutely sure if I just tried a little harder, I could drink normally. I have to chuckle a bit now, because so many of the "normal" people I know drink very little, if at all. The latest statistics on alcohol use in the US (from the CDC) back that up:
It goes on to say that 7% of the population drink 45% of the alcohol.
So, bottom line, it's totally normal to be sober - who woulda guessed?!
Percent of adults 18 years of age and over who were current regular drinkers (at least 12 drinks in the past year): 51.5%
Percent of adults 18 years of age and over who were current infrequent drinkers (1-11 drinks in the past year): 13.6%
Percent of adults 18 years of age and over who were current infrequent drinkers (1-11 drinks in the past year): 13.6%
So, bottom line, it's totally normal to be sober - who woulda guessed?!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
For most of my life, I wanted the "affect" of alcohol. I feel blessed to have lost my desire for it....MOST of the time. I have my moments ...indeed I do. Most of the time I really like control and clarity of mind. I like bringing "me" to the table of life nowadays. It's pretty novel.
I don't see any point in one or two drinks...just to be "normal"? I'm working on the self esteem that had me believing that I must drink when others do so I don't stick out like a sore thumb or appear "abnormal" or be one of those people somebody might whisper behind their hand about. Really? Is that why I craved the ability to moderate? Cuz I wanted to be like other people? That's just sad. I just want to be normal without alcohol. I want to sit around with other people who may be able to have a glass of wine or two and be just fine about my decision not to. I don't want to sit there all friggin pouty lipped and self pitying because I can't have a shot of some flammable, volatile liquid that can be set on fire or dissolve paint. I don't want to be the kind of person who just wants to drink because others do when I have decided not to because its bad for me.
I don't see any point in one or two drinks...just to be "normal"? I'm working on the self esteem that had me believing that I must drink when others do so I don't stick out like a sore thumb or appear "abnormal" or be one of those people somebody might whisper behind their hand about. Really? Is that why I craved the ability to moderate? Cuz I wanted to be like other people? That's just sad. I just want to be normal without alcohol. I want to sit around with other people who may be able to have a glass of wine or two and be just fine about my decision not to. I don't want to sit there all friggin pouty lipped and self pitying because I can't have a shot of some flammable, volatile liquid that can be set on fire or dissolve paint. I don't want to be the kind of person who just wants to drink because others do when I have decided not to because its bad for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I know I don't drink normal but I don't feel I think normal either. That is what I have come to accept and embrace.
I feel this is why I can relate to other recovering alcoholics. I understand them and they understand me. I think the same way they do. Now whether my thinking was always abnormal or became that way due to the drinking is another topic/thread and there are a hundred of them out there. Some like to contemplate that, I am not one of these people. My mental committee spins enough without throwing that in the mix and quite frankly, I don't care.
I don't feel the BB or the steps were designed to change us so we can think or act normal. My thinking has changed but I am still not like others. I can see that more and more the longer I am sober and the more I work the steps. I have changed but I am still not thinking like "normal" people. Then again I have no clue what goes on in another person's mind. I don't sit with normal people and have "normal people meetings" five times a week.
The BB has helped me to realize I am an alcoholic and the steps help me to clear my past and then be able to function without alcohol. They help me cope with normal life and normal people. The people around me, and there are a lot of them if you think about it, are not going to change. Why should they, they are normal. I had to change my way of looking at them and the world so I can function as a normal person, even though I am not.
I am okay with not being a normal person. In fact, I kind of feel special. Not superior, just special. I am different and today I feel that is okay. We are all different. I could feel sorry for myself, wallow in it and drink but drinking will not make me normal because I still think different.
Today I use that special difference to help others. I continue to work the steps to make my life better for me and the people around me. I am 44 and I was mentally absent for a good deal of my life. I lived in my head and it spun many scenarios to the point that many choices and decisions I made were based on them. Today I live outside my head.
It not about drinking, it is not about drinking normal. My desire to fit in, be normal, be like everyone else is gone and with it went my desire to drink. I have no clue what that is like and I don't feel I need to chase it to find out. I know what chasing the drunk feels like. I have done it half my life and I surrendered to it. It won. I gave up the chase. Do you think a "normal" person wants to know what it is like to be an alcoholic? I don't think they would chose to do that. I don't think they would fight to be one. I don't feel they would give up half of their life and lose the people they hold dear just to know what it is like so why would I do those very same things to become "normal"?
So maybe your fight to drink normal is not really related to drinking at all. I mean the physical cravings are there. These we cannot deny but maybe it is more of fight to just be normal. When I stopped fighting with that, the option to drink came off the table.
I feel this is why I can relate to other recovering alcoholics. I understand them and they understand me. I think the same way they do. Now whether my thinking was always abnormal or became that way due to the drinking is another topic/thread and there are a hundred of them out there. Some like to contemplate that, I am not one of these people. My mental committee spins enough without throwing that in the mix and quite frankly, I don't care.
I don't feel the BB or the steps were designed to change us so we can think or act normal. My thinking has changed but I am still not like others. I can see that more and more the longer I am sober and the more I work the steps. I have changed but I am still not thinking like "normal" people. Then again I have no clue what goes on in another person's mind. I don't sit with normal people and have "normal people meetings" five times a week.
The BB has helped me to realize I am an alcoholic and the steps help me to clear my past and then be able to function without alcohol. They help me cope with normal life and normal people. The people around me, and there are a lot of them if you think about it, are not going to change. Why should they, they are normal. I had to change my way of looking at them and the world so I can function as a normal person, even though I am not.
I am okay with not being a normal person. In fact, I kind of feel special. Not superior, just special. I am different and today I feel that is okay. We are all different. I could feel sorry for myself, wallow in it and drink but drinking will not make me normal because I still think different.
Today I use that special difference to help others. I continue to work the steps to make my life better for me and the people around me. I am 44 and I was mentally absent for a good deal of my life. I lived in my head and it spun many scenarios to the point that many choices and decisions I made were based on them. Today I live outside my head.
It not about drinking, it is not about drinking normal. My desire to fit in, be normal, be like everyone else is gone and with it went my desire to drink. I have no clue what that is like and I don't feel I need to chase it to find out. I know what chasing the drunk feels like. I have done it half my life and I surrendered to it. It won. I gave up the chase. Do you think a "normal" person wants to know what it is like to be an alcoholic? I don't think they would chose to do that. I don't think they would fight to be one. I don't feel they would give up half of their life and lose the people they hold dear just to know what it is like so why would I do those very same things to become "normal"?
So maybe your fight to drink normal is not really related to drinking at all. I mean the physical cravings are there. These we cannot deny but maybe it is more of fight to just be normal. When I stopped fighting with that, the option to drink came off the table.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Drinking me could never make piece with it.
The me who wanted to be normal (ie drink), and to fit in could never make peace with it.
but the me who had no choice but to give recovery a go found I liked who I was becoming and I liked the way my new life was panning out...
rather than trying to fit in with others, my new life suited me, the real me.
I guess the point I'm making is...rather than accepting the idea and then not drinking, why not turn it on its head...
stop drinking and grow into the acceptance?
it's that leap of faith I often go on about...
D
The me who wanted to be normal (ie drink), and to fit in could never make peace with it.
but the me who had no choice but to give recovery a go found I liked who I was becoming and I liked the way my new life was panning out...
rather than trying to fit in with others, my new life suited me, the real me.
I guess the point I'm making is...rather than accepting the idea and then not drinking, why not turn it on its head...
stop drinking and grow into the acceptance?
it's that leap of faith I often go on about...
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Lots of normal people don't drink. They just choose not to. That's perfectly normal.
What is abnormal is knowing what drinking me is like and choosing to do it anyway. It's normal for me to say "no thanks" and get on with life.
When I put down that struggle and hand wringing, it helped me a lot.
New habits can be formed. I got used to other huge changes in my life.
What is abnormal is knowing what drinking me is like and choosing to do it anyway. It's normal for me to say "no thanks" and get on with life.
When I put down that struggle and hand wringing, it helped me a lot.
New habits can be formed. I got used to other huge changes in my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Having stayed sober, and not having a desire to drink made me feel that these subtle but important changes were okay.
When I picked up the drink, I wasn't experiencing cravings, but I very much wanted to feel the effects of alcohol.
thank you, EndGame, for your response. yes, i'm not surprised you get asked a lot about this. it's the scary story for me , and others, no doubt. the one where you don't think you'll ever do this, or that it will "happen to me", and then you do it, way down the road. do exactly what's unimaginable right now.
and you'll be in the hospital with your surgery, but if you ever get back to this thread and wouldn't mind, maybe you could speak a bit about the above that i highlighted. thinking about me, of course
. no desire to drink, but what would be your suggestions to ward off any future wanting of the effect?
and how, really, is wanting the effect different from a desire to drink? and...but i'll stop. oops, not quite: are you saying, ultimately, that fear is the ticket??
When I picked up the drink, I wasn't experiencing cravings, but I very much wanted to feel the effects of alcohol.
thank you, EndGame, for your response. yes, i'm not surprised you get asked a lot about this. it's the scary story for me , and others, no doubt. the one where you don't think you'll ever do this, or that it will "happen to me", and then you do it, way down the road. do exactly what's unimaginable right now.
and you'll be in the hospital with your surgery, but if you ever get back to this thread and wouldn't mind, maybe you could speak a bit about the above that i highlighted. thinking about me, of course
. no desire to drink, but what would be your suggestions to ward off any future wanting of the effect?and how, really, is wanting the effect different from a desire to drink? and...but i'll stop. oops, not quite: are you saying, ultimately, that fear is the ticket??
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: The Big Easy
Posts: 115
For me, being a "normal drinker" is a one way road back to where I was. For years I grappled with how can I do this normally & tried to drink like "normal drinkers", studying them intently, scientifically matching each sip. In the end their sips would lead to my gulps & so on. Im at peace with knowing that I will never be that.
Currently, I'm trying to get myself to the funeral of my future travel tastes. As a traveler, I love tasting the foods & drink of different countries. I keep going neck to- "countries have tons of non alcoholic beverages to experience". Just reprogramming I suppose.
Glad I found this thread
Currently, I'm trying to get myself to the funeral of my future travel tastes. As a traveler, I love tasting the foods & drink of different countries. I keep going neck to- "countries have tons of non alcoholic beverages to experience". Just reprogramming I suppose.
Glad I found this thread
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