Being around booze again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Being around booze again?
Hi Guys, quick question for those with some sobriety time under their belt.
I am approaching six months on Wednesday and thus far have avoided bars and social gatherings where alcohol is involved almost completely. The times that were unavoidable, I generally ducked out of there as quickly as possible.
My question is about how soon you were able to be around alcohol again without feeling either tempted or panicky?
The reason I ask is that for my job I generally am supposed to go to lunches and dinners and fundraisers with clients on a fairly regular basis. I have gotten out of it using a wide variety of excuses thus far (obviously, I am not comfortable admitting my alcoholism to clients) but we are coming up on fundraising season as well as holidays, eventually, etc. No one is ever going to force me to drink, of course, but I am still in avoidance mode as far as being around booze for those three hour wine-laden lunches and martini happy hours. Unfortunately, these are still more the norm in DC and particularly in my field. My boss has subtly asked me if I am "going to be back on my game soon" as I am one of their major fundraisers. She doesn't mean drinking, per se, but attending...so...
Has anyone else dealt with this? I am not troubled by not drinking but the thought of hours and hours around drinkers and booze makes me panic still. I don't have cravings but also am nervous to tempt the beast.
Any input would be most warmly appreciated.
Many thanks as always!!
I am approaching six months on Wednesday and thus far have avoided bars and social gatherings where alcohol is involved almost completely. The times that were unavoidable, I generally ducked out of there as quickly as possible.
My question is about how soon you were able to be around alcohol again without feeling either tempted or panicky?
The reason I ask is that for my job I generally am supposed to go to lunches and dinners and fundraisers with clients on a fairly regular basis. I have gotten out of it using a wide variety of excuses thus far (obviously, I am not comfortable admitting my alcoholism to clients) but we are coming up on fundraising season as well as holidays, eventually, etc. No one is ever going to force me to drink, of course, but I am still in avoidance mode as far as being around booze for those three hour wine-laden lunches and martini happy hours. Unfortunately, these are still more the norm in DC and particularly in my field. My boss has subtly asked me if I am "going to be back on my game soon" as I am one of their major fundraisers. She doesn't mean drinking, per se, but attending...so...
Has anyone else dealt with this? I am not troubled by not drinking but the thought of hours and hours around drinkers and booze makes me panic still. I don't have cravings but also am nervous to tempt the beast.
Any input would be most warmly appreciated.
Many thanks as always!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I waited until I was sure that nothing or noone could sway me from living the way I wanted to live.
That didn't mean I didn't feel nervous or apprehensive that first time...but I knew I would not drink...does that make sense?
D
That didn't mean I didn't feel nervous or apprehensive that first time...but I knew I would not drink...does that make sense?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Dee, thanks, and yes, it does make sense. I am pretty strong in my sobriety, I *think,* but I have never really tested myself by being around a lot of drinking either. Just not sure yet if I want to throw myself into the deep end of the pool with the "big boys" without testing it first in the kiddie end. But then again, I am not terribly keen on testing my sobriety that much either. I really have no desire to be around drinking right now in any form.
And I guess therein lies my answer, doesn't it?
And I guess therein lies my answer, doesn't it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
ptcapote I felt just the same way as you earlier on in sobriety. When work is concerned its actually easier for me because drinking wasn't the main focus as it would have been at a rock concert per say. The drinking bunch will be doing it mostly out of letting loose so keep that in mind, Not getting smashed except for a select few which you'll recognize and then understand all the more why you made the decision to quit. A sort of sympathy can replace the feelings of nervousness I've found. The morning after is absolutely fantastic as you can remember everything that took place also which is gratifying in the business sense. I've been working on getting my bearings straight ever since stopping drinking three and 1/2 years to date. Work has been the toughest to understand
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I just try to listen to my gut..... I still turn down some invitations after several years' sober. The first few times I did go to an event where there would be alcohol, I did have some apprehension, but I found that I actually enjoyed myself much more being sober than I ever did while drinking.
I don't like being around drunks and I think I'd imagined that any drinking occasion would have a "bar atmosphere", but it really wasn't that way......most "normal" people are content with one or two drinks.
I don't like being around drunks and I think I'd imagined that any drinking occasion would have a "bar atmosphere", but it really wasn't that way......most "normal" people are content with one or two drinks.
Ryno032709
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Concord
Posts: 103
It took me a while (1 year) before I was able to be around alcohol without feeling the urge to drink.
I am tgankfully sober today, and I remember prior to sobriety asking someone close to me in AA "when did you first know you were a Alcoholic.?" They told me, among other things, that alcohol was on their mind when they went out or planned to go out.
I think this these thoughts carry with us into sobriety, on in a different way... As you put it in your posting. Your still thinking about if alcohol will be at events or parties or functions... Only this time in a different way. I would say your are progressing in a good way but it will take time. I truthfully would not go out anywhere where I had thoughts or worries of alcohol being present.
As far as you getting back into the game. Its sounds like cocktail parties maybe common in your line of work. If you cant avoid these then try some of these tips:
- eat before you go so you show up with a full stomache and dont feel need to fill it with booze.
- show up late (but fashionably) then ppl are already "warmed up" if theyve been drinking.)
- bring gum or hard candies to chew or suck on so your mouth will be occupied.
- drink sonething that looks like alcohol (gingeale and cranberry juice, water in a martini glass, club soda, coke, juice, etc.
- leave early if possible, the longer you are there the more opportunity there is to drink.
I suggest looking up a book in AA called "Living Sober" you can get it at most meetings or chapter area offices. It has a entire section in the book on this topic.
Remember just to take ut One Day at A Time... Dont think (or worry) too much about whats next.
I am tgankfully sober today, and I remember prior to sobriety asking someone close to me in AA "when did you first know you were a Alcoholic.?" They told me, among other things, that alcohol was on their mind when they went out or planned to go out.
I think this these thoughts carry with us into sobriety, on in a different way... As you put it in your posting. Your still thinking about if alcohol will be at events or parties or functions... Only this time in a different way. I would say your are progressing in a good way but it will take time. I truthfully would not go out anywhere where I had thoughts or worries of alcohol being present.
As far as you getting back into the game. Its sounds like cocktail parties maybe common in your line of work. If you cant avoid these then try some of these tips:
- eat before you go so you show up with a full stomache and dont feel need to fill it with booze.
- show up late (but fashionably) then ppl are already "warmed up" if theyve been drinking.)
- bring gum or hard candies to chew or suck on so your mouth will be occupied.
- drink sonething that looks like alcohol (gingeale and cranberry juice, water in a martini glass, club soda, coke, juice, etc.
- leave early if possible, the longer you are there the more opportunity there is to drink.
I suggest looking up a book in AA called "Living Sober" you can get it at most meetings or chapter area offices. It has a entire section in the book on this topic.
Remember just to take ut One Day at A Time... Dont think (or worry) too much about whats next.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I left it 6 months or so before I was ready to be around drinkers again. I was nervous too at first, but it was fine.
I found actually that it was far from scary, and in fact just a bit boring. I don't hang around drinkers now (I don't have to as part of my job thankfully), through choice. It just isn't the way I want to spend my time any more x
I found actually that it was far from scary, and in fact just a bit boring. I don't hang around drinkers now (I don't have to as part of my job thankfully), through choice. It just isn't the way I want to spend my time any more x
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
You know, booze doesn't have to be physically around us to be tempted or get panicky about because the desires created for booze is always an internal thing anyways. Embracing this knowledge can really help you successfully manage your way through any kind of external temptation such as business meetings social events having alcohol served etc.
Along with this working knowledge you can also enjoy the sense of purpose and finality you'll feel as you confidently and calmly do your own thing while others do theirs. Nobody will care if your drinking or not if you don't care. If your comfortable they'll see you being you and that settles that. There's always exceptions of course, lol, like for those who really know you, and for them just assert yourself with the knowledge that drinking is simply not on the menu for you anymore, and keep the conversation going elsewhere. Since you're a great fund-raiser, you're also good at directing conversations to a mutually happy conclusion. Use your skill-set with confidence.
I have successfully quit for more than three decades now, and my experiences with temptations and angst was always an inside job for me. A chronic drinker, I didn't care what or who was around me when I drank, and if alcohol was not around, that didn't stop me from figuring out how to get to where the alcohol was aplenty. Since quitting, once I mastered myself, the outside world really just fell into place, and nothing has changed this outcome for all my years of experience with not drinking. I can't imagine what external reality could ever get me to drink is still the way it is for me.
I'm not one for purposely testing per se, because the test is not allowed to have a possibility to conclude in failure, so the testing is really actually of no value is my thinking. Having said that, I do believe if someone has not been able to comfortably and honestly within themselves able to have a superior attitude to readily dismiss and otherwise manage any and all alcoholic desires temptations opportunities etc, then they are best at not putting themselves at risk.
So, if you are comfortable with yourself, then you are ready. If your not, then get comfortable with yourself of course. Its not really about time, speaking for myself, its more about our own experiences with what we do with our time sober. There will always be stories of those with many years who still return to drinking anyways, so time is always a relative and personal thing, is my thinking.
I'm sitting in my home office as I write this listening to classic rock, looking out my window at the pines and ashes around my circular front gardens and I'm thinking how I used to be the guy who woke up drunk under a tree from a night of drinking. Yeah, I really didn't care what was around me when wanting alcohol back in the day. And now, I really do care what is around me when not wanting alcohol. I've made the difference in my life. It works for me because I do my sobriety from the inside out without compromise or respect to any outside happenings. The outside world has its own concerns, and I have mine.
Along with this working knowledge you can also enjoy the sense of purpose and finality you'll feel as you confidently and calmly do your own thing while others do theirs. Nobody will care if your drinking or not if you don't care. If your comfortable they'll see you being you and that settles that. There's always exceptions of course, lol, like for those who really know you, and for them just assert yourself with the knowledge that drinking is simply not on the menu for you anymore, and keep the conversation going elsewhere. Since you're a great fund-raiser, you're also good at directing conversations to a mutually happy conclusion. Use your skill-set with confidence.
I have successfully quit for more than three decades now, and my experiences with temptations and angst was always an inside job for me. A chronic drinker, I didn't care what or who was around me when I drank, and if alcohol was not around, that didn't stop me from figuring out how to get to where the alcohol was aplenty. Since quitting, once I mastered myself, the outside world really just fell into place, and nothing has changed this outcome for all my years of experience with not drinking. I can't imagine what external reality could ever get me to drink is still the way it is for me.
I'm not one for purposely testing per se, because the test is not allowed to have a possibility to conclude in failure, so the testing is really actually of no value is my thinking. Having said that, I do believe if someone has not been able to comfortably and honestly within themselves able to have a superior attitude to readily dismiss and otherwise manage any and all alcoholic desires temptations opportunities etc, then they are best at not putting themselves at risk.
So, if you are comfortable with yourself, then you are ready. If your not, then get comfortable with yourself of course. Its not really about time, speaking for myself, its more about our own experiences with what we do with our time sober. There will always be stories of those with many years who still return to drinking anyways, so time is always a relative and personal thing, is my thinking.
I'm sitting in my home office as I write this listening to classic rock, looking out my window at the pines and ashes around my circular front gardens and I'm thinking how I used to be the guy who woke up drunk under a tree from a night of drinking. Yeah, I really didn't care what was around me when wanting alcohol back in the day. And now, I really do care what is around me when not wanting alcohol. I've made the difference in my life.
It works for me because I do my sobriety from the inside out without compromise or respect to any outside happenings. The outside world has its own concerns, and I have mine. Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I was in the exact same position Ptcapote, except I was having to entertain clients almost as soon as I got sober. The first time I managed to stay sober through the whole event and then relapsed after. I had only been sober a week by that point though so I considered it a false start rather than a relapse 
I didn't feel tempted early on, just terrified that I would automatically drink. I kept myself busy by making sure that everyone else had a drink. It was horrible really, I basically became the bartender, a role I was always good at but which just had a nasty edge to it now. I was worried what people would say, but some people actually thought wasn't drinking because technically I was working. Some others joked I was pregnant. When I was with my boss he gave me a hard time which was unfortunate and hasn't helped our relationship. I felt okay about it in time though. I did more than my fair share of entertaining and I am glad I managed to get through it intact. It felt like a challenge I coped well with. But to be honest I do less of it now. Part of it is because we entertain people less now, but also we have new staff who can do some of it too. I have taken a step back, knowing I could handle it if I had to, but I'd just rather not.
I think having that sober time before trying to tackle this will have helped you a lot and I am sure you will handle it much better than I did. If it is work then treat it as such. Having a healthy fear of being around alcohol is no bad thing and although it might not be pleasant (work often isn't) I am sure you will cope fine x
I didn't feel tempted early on, just terrified that I would automatically drink. I kept myself busy by making sure that everyone else had a drink. It was horrible really, I basically became the bartender, a role I was always good at but which just had a nasty edge to it now. I was worried what people would say, but some people actually thought wasn't drinking because technically I was working. Some others joked I was pregnant. When I was with my boss he gave me a hard time which was unfortunate and hasn't helped our relationship. I felt okay about it in time though. I did more than my fair share of entertaining and I am glad I managed to get through it intact. It felt like a challenge I coped well with. But to be honest I do less of it now. Part of it is because we entertain people less now, but also we have new staff who can do some of it too. I have taken a step back, knowing I could handle it if I had to, but I'd just rather not.
I think having that sober time before trying to tackle this will have helped you a lot and I am sure you will handle it much better than I did. If it is work then treat it as such. Having a healthy fear of being around alcohol is no bad thing and although it might not be pleasant (work often isn't
) I am sure you will cope fine x
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Ptcapote 
Hi Dee, thanks, and yes, it does make sense. I am pretty strong in my sobriety, I *think,* but I have never really tested myself by being around a lot of drinking either. Just not sure yet if I want to throw myself into the deep end of the pool with the "big boys" without testing it first in the kiddie end. But then again, I am not terribly keen on testing my sobriety that much either. I really have no desire to be around drinking right now in any form.
And I guess therein lies my answer, doesn't it?
And I guess therein lies my answer, doesn't it?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bronxville, NY
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
You know, booze doesn't have to be physically around us to be tempted or get panicky about because the desires created for booze is always an internal thing anyways. Embracing this knowledge can really help you successfully manage your way through any kind of external temptation such as business meetings social events having alcohol served etc.
Along with this working knowledge you can also enjoy the sense of purpose and finality you'll feel as you confidently and calmly do your own thing while others do theirs. Nobody will care if your drinking or not if you don't care. If your comfortable they'll see you being you and that settles that. There's always exceptions of course, lol, like for those who really know you, and for them just assert yourself with the knowledge that drinking is simply not on the menu for you anymore, and keep the conversation going elsewhere. Since you're a great fund-raiser, you're also good at directing conversations to a mutually happy conclusion. Use your skill-set with confidence.
I have successfully quit for more than three decades now, and my experiences with temptations and angst was always an inside job for me. A chronic drinker, I didn't care what or who was around me when I drank, and if alcohol was not around, that didn't stop me from figuring out how to get to where the alcohol was aplenty. Since quitting, once I mastered myself, the outside world really just fell into place, and nothing has changed this outcome for all my years of experience with not drinking. I can't imagine what external reality could ever get me to drink is still the way it is for me.
I'm not one for purposely testing per se, because the test is not allowed to have a possibility to conclude in failure, so the testing is really actually of no value is my thinking. Having said that, I do believe if someone has not been able to comfortably and honestly within themselves able to have a superior attitude to readily dismiss and otherwise manage any and all alcoholic desires temptations opportunities etc, then they are best at not putting themselves at risk.
So, if you are comfortable with yourself, then you are ready. If your not, then get comfortable with yourself of course. Its not really about time, speaking for myself, its more about our own experiences with what we do with our time sober. There will always be stories of those with many years who still return to drinking anyways, so time is always a relative and personal thing, is my thinking.
I'm sitting in my home office as I write this listening to classic rock, looking out my window at the pines and ashes around my circular front gardens and I'm thinking how I used to be the guy who woke up drunk under a tree from a night of drinking. Yeah, I really didn't care what was around me when wanting alcohol back in the day. And now, I really do care what is around me when not wanting alcohol. I've made the difference in my life. It works for me because I do my sobriety from the inside out without compromise or respect to any outside happenings. The outside world has its own concerns, and I have mine.
Along with this working knowledge you can also enjoy the sense of purpose and finality you'll feel as you confidently and calmly do your own thing while others do theirs. Nobody will care if your drinking or not if you don't care. If your comfortable they'll see you being you and that settles that. There's always exceptions of course, lol, like for those who really know you, and for them just assert yourself with the knowledge that drinking is simply not on the menu for you anymore, and keep the conversation going elsewhere. Since you're a great fund-raiser, you're also good at directing conversations to a mutually happy conclusion. Use your skill-set with confidence.
I have successfully quit for more than three decades now, and my experiences with temptations and angst was always an inside job for me. A chronic drinker, I didn't care what or who was around me when I drank, and if alcohol was not around, that didn't stop me from figuring out how to get to where the alcohol was aplenty. Since quitting, once I mastered myself, the outside world really just fell into place, and nothing has changed this outcome for all my years of experience with not drinking. I can't imagine what external reality could ever get me to drink is still the way it is for me.
I'm not one for purposely testing per se, because the test is not allowed to have a possibility to conclude in failure, so the testing is really actually of no value is my thinking. Having said that, I do believe if someone has not been able to comfortably and honestly within themselves able to have a superior attitude to readily dismiss and otherwise manage any and all alcoholic desires temptations opportunities etc, then they are best at not putting themselves at risk.
So, if you are comfortable with yourself, then you are ready. If your not, then get comfortable with yourself of course. Its not really about time, speaking for myself, its more about our own experiences with what we do with our time sober. There will always be stories of those with many years who still return to drinking anyways, so time is always a relative and personal thing, is my thinking.
I'm sitting in my home office as I write this listening to classic rock, looking out my window at the pines and ashes around my circular front gardens and I'm thinking how I used to be the guy who woke up drunk under a tree from a night of drinking. Yeah, I really didn't care what was around me when wanting alcohol back in the day. And now, I really do care what is around me when not wanting alcohol. I've made the difference in my life.
It works for me because I do my sobriety from the inside out without compromise or respect to any outside happenings. The outside world has its own concerns, and I have mine.
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