AmeiliaRose

She knows I am an alcoholic. Its also only 2pm. And she has brought me to a pub, and has bought me several drinks. If my own mother doesn't understand THIS WILL kill me if I don't abstain, who will? This is really disappointing for me as now I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually okay, and not an slky.. But I know I am and so does she! Advice appreciated. When do people get it!?xx

TKS

I'm starting that those around us simply can't get it. I recall mentioning going clean to my mother last year, and the huge steps it would take, and she is of the mind that 'you just stop'. In all fairness to friends & family of recovering people, there's no way they could understand addiction without either being there themselves, or actively reading and researching.

Thankfully, this forum is chock full of people who know what you're going through. Be strong Together we can do this.

bigsombrero

Have you told her about your problem? Are you drinking the drinks? If the answers are "no" and "yes", respectively, you may have to be a bit stronger in setting your boundaries with others. We cannot control what people will buy for us - but we can control whether or not we accept them, or whether or not we choose to attend bars and pubs in the first place.

My old buddies don't get it - they always suggest "meeting up at a bar after work" to do this & that. They know I'm a recovering alcoholic but I'm always on the e-mail chains...I'm not sure if they don't want to leave me out, or they think I can handle it...but either way it's troubling to me.

I choose not to meet up with them in the pubs when they ask me. Solves a lot of problems. Good luck and thanks for sharing/posting!

doggonecarl

Unless she dragged you into the pub, in restraints and a hood over your head, you should have said "No."

If you don't establish boundaries for what you will or will not tolerate in your recovery, this will continue. People will get it when you start behaving like you get it.

Good luck.

Nevertheless

The only ones that understand are the ones that are hooked and actually made an honest attempt to quit and realized how hard it is.
Like they say,we need to accept the things we cannot change and work on the things that we can.
Staying sober has to come above everything else. Do that and everything else will fall into place. Things won't be perfect,but all of life's decisions will have been made sober. Show your mother by setting a sober example. What are the odds of her going on a "wanna get drunk" forum and saying "my daughter wont drink with me anymore" She might not "get it" right away. But perhaps in time she will.
I wish you the best.....
Fred

Boleo

Spot on. The two most important concepts I had to learn in my early days of recovery were;

1. I had to practice principles.
2. I had to establish boundary's.

fini

And she has brought me to a pub, and has bought me several drinks. If my own mother doesn't understand THIS WILL kill me if I don't abstain, who will?

i hope that YOU will.

you need to understand that you need to abstain. you need to understand that no-one can "bring" you to a pub if you don't agree to go.

yeah, i wish others understood better, but regardless of what others "get" or not, what i do and where i go is up to me.

karate

And indeed there are some of us that just can quit ,As simple as that .

But i seem to be very rare amoung overdrinkers ,In fact i can drink 1-3 beers ,then go to get another and my brain says "Thats enough ,you have had plenty "

Thats why i quit AA ,great program ,with great people ,but the total abstance was more than i wanted to commit to.

My sponsor said ,try some controlled drinking and see if you are an alocholic ,I did and can very easily controll it .

Here is the idea i use ,when the alochol begins to effect me mentally ,I throw the switch and put on the brakes -this happens automatically .

If i drink whiskey ,it overrides the controll factor ,too much too fast .

pinkdog

Hi Amelia, do not go to the pub if it is a problem for you. Noone can make you. You have to be on your own side. Go to positive places. Places that do not tempt you and make you feel badly. You are the only one who can manage yourself. It would be great if she was supportive, but you have to be the one to do it. You must be firm. Don't let anyone or anything get in the way of feeling good and being healthy. Life can be beautiful. Health, hope and happiness to you.

karate

Right ,do what works for U !

karate

AT this point in my life im not concerned what others thoughts are on this matter .

Living for others approval ,always is a disaster .

I will be thoughtful of others as well as respectful ,But someones idea if its a good idea for me to drink -or not ,Thats my business .

fifth

My sobriety is at its first days, 5th day to be exact, one of the main factors that I am realizing is to avoid places, even supermarkets I used to buy booze from (or at least the isle where the booze is).

Good luck AmeiliaRose, tomorrow is a great day to start being sober.

PhaseTwo

You have to tell yourself I'm not drinking under any circumstances. It would be great if she understood that but even if she doesn't you simply have to resist the urge. I know its hard but It's on you

Black Bird

Is your mom drinking with you? My mom is an active alcoholic. We were drinking buds. Unfortunaly that is how we bonded. It can be very difficult to have someone who means so much to you, not get it. My mom doesn't either. She actually got sort of mad and threw me some digs when I told her I quit. I am serious about my sobriety. I have had to tell my mom no I can't go to this place or that. But I also.remember she tells me no when I ask her to do sober things, like simply going to lunch or something. It sucks, I know. But this is YOUR life. You can't live it or end it for anyone else. Take care.

ReadyAtLast

Hi
Assuming you are an adult she cannot force you to go anywhere or make you go in a pub. Leave the pub and don't touch the drinks. I don't know how far on you are in recovery but I wouldn't have gone anywhere near a pub early on.

Most poeple don't get it and no matter what we say it doesn't make any difference. all we can do is accept who we are and do what's best for us or not do something bad for us.

Tamerua

That is tough. You may need to distance yourself until you're better/stronger. Like the airplane oxygen, you have to help yourself first. If you have time and commitment behind you, you can easily explain that you no longer drink and stand your ground.

Ptcapote

Hi Amelia, I totally understand your frustration at the lack of understanding on the part of someone who *should* be concerned about your health and welfare above anything else. I also agree with Doggonecarl about you choosing to go to the pub or not.

My mother also does not "get it." She is also an alcoholic, mind you, but she is one of the lucky ones who seems to be able to drink a set amount each night and rarely go over or under that amount.

So, to her, I am a freak. When I first tried to quit back in December, she did the same thing to me when I was visiting her. Not at a pub but by making a big cocktails for us one night and saying, "Here, now if you really try you will be able to control this and just have one or two instead of a bottle...and you'll get better."

"Better?" Yeah, OK.

Also, like BigS, my friends still include me on drinking emails and the like even though they know (and have seen, in all my glory) that I am an alcoholic who got desperately sick at the end from drinking. This used to annoy me too.

But, ultimately, as everyone else is saying, you've only got control and dominion over you. You cannot make anyone understand or act a certain way no matter how hurtful their behavior is. We alcoholics spend a lot of time trying to control people/circumstances and it's a hard habit to lose in sobriety.

Just take care of you. If your Mum wants to go to a pub, tell her no. There will always, always be inconsiderate people. Your best "revenge" is to stay sober, no matter what.

Best wishes to you!!

GracieLou

My mother knows about alcoholism and she also knows I am an alcoholic and what did she buy me every birthday? A ½ gallon of whiskey. I guess since I had not quit drinking at that point that she gave me what I wanted.

I will have to wait until November to see what she gets me this year…lol

She does not understand and she does not have to. The only people that understand me are other alcoholics and if they are in recovery I am pretty sure that we are not going to a bar/pub any time soon.

Is there is a food you dislike? Would you eat it because your friend bought it and plopped it down in front of you? I bet you would say, no thanks! Same with alcohol. Just say no thanks!