SummertimeHigh5

Nobody here even hardly listens to me because they have all heard it before. I am tired! I slipped again. UGH! It is ok. I just wanted to say that. At least I am admitting it to myself too.

Tamerua

Hi summertime. Sometimes it takes what it takes to get sober, you know? What is your game plan?

artsoul

I'm sorry you slipped, but glad you posted. Sometimes a relapse can show us what we've done (or haven't done) that led to picking up a drink and that can help us build a stronger recovery.

Just know that you're not alone - a lot of us have tripped up a time or two. Just don't let it keep you down.

dayover

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

Don't beat yourself up about this. It happens. Dust yourself off. You are strong! You can do this!

Plenny

I just slipped too. Day one today. I'm good. Had a panic attack about being alone and not having control. But then I got through day one. I know I can do it now, and so can you. Hurdles.

theMiz

It happens, just remember a bit more about how you feel each time. Hopefully you will never want to feel like that again. And you might get tired of restarting the calendar. Best of luck! Be smart!

SummertimeHigh5

Restarting the calendar is what I don't like. I got over a year and I was doing so darn well. I know that I cannot continue due to health reasons that I have had in the past. My liver and spleen tests just came back perfect last month too. However, that still does not make it ok at all. A.A... Here we go. I need to go and at least give it a try. That is the least that I can do.

SummertimeHigh5

LOL.. Sorry. Thank you for your comment. Knowing that I am better than that is my game plan.

Lifewillgetbet

Yea I slipped up for a weekend as well. It sucked. I felt like crap, but I also hate counting my sobriety days. It just makes the failure seem so much more astronomical then it really is. In reality EVERY day is day 1. Even if you think of alcohol your at day 1.

artsoul

Well, you're not starting over, really.... you're starting from a higher level with lots of sober days behind you that you should feel good about.

Counting days is just a way to motivate ourselves but it's secondary to doing what it takes to stay sober, one day at a time. I think it's great that you're going to give AA a go.... it might be just the added support you need.

So glad your tests came back OK!

Pamel

I copied this from someone's sign-off line:

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
― Samuel Beckett

...and I always remember this from Maya Angelou: (paraphrased) "I did the best I could at the time, and when I knew better I did better."

From many years in AA (and many relapses) I have seen way too many times people with 30+ years sober from their first "quit" try it again and die. I wish I had stopped the "first" time I knew I had a problem, but I didn't so I have to believe in the learning process.

My "relapses" have been less and less (as I quickly see the benefit in being sober) so I keep coming here for support. Day 4 ends, and hopefully tomorrow will be 5, then 6...

"Fall down 7 times, get up 8." -old Buddhist saying (apologies to you DayOver; I just saw that you had already posted that!)

tootsl1

Summertime, you have managed a year before, so you know you have it within you to do this. I was terrified to get my health results; if they showed damage, I could have been in trouble, ; if they were clear then obviously I had a few more years drinking in me! As it was I was clear, but determined to give up. It can be hard getting back on that horse, but you know it is what you have to do if you are not going to die. And there is always someone here willing and ready to listen, between us we have more day ones than a calendar factory!

babycat

I have often wondered how you were doing summertime! Sorry you slipped, but to have over a year is still something to be incredibly proud of. This slip did not take that year away.
I am about to give AA another try. Quite frankly, I hated it the first while I did it but it has worked for so many people so hopefully it will for both you and I as well. Good luck!

SummertimeHigh5

Well, I cannot picture myself at day one by thinking of alcohol. If this were the case then I would be at day one all of the time. However, just because I think about it does not mean that I want it. It just means that it was such a huge and horrible part of my life for so long that it is difficult to never think about. Did that make sense? LOL.

SummertimeHigh5

I have not been yet but will be going as soon as I can. Perhaps, you can try a few different ones. I heard that one may not feel right and to try others, if that is true. This is just what I have heard anyhow.

SummertimeHigh5

Thank you!

SummertimeHigh5

They went from a 2.1 to a .5 in a year. It took one solid year and I never thought that they would go back to normal after having liver failure and edema. I no longer have edema either. I NEVER thought that would go away. UGH! One year almost to date, it did (the edema in my legs).

Lifewillgetbet

Yes It does make sense. I often think about alcohol. It sucks. Its so depressing. The very thought of alcohol is depressing. We do it to ourselves. We are such liars, criminals, but in reality we are all great people. The term Disease is thrown around a bunch. I dont think I have a disease, or, I also dont think I have a mental disorder. I just choose to be unhappy and depressed. I can turn it around in a heart beat. I just chose not to, and its sad.

Pamel

Summertime,

I didn't make it through the weekend so I am getting up for...hmm...the 60th? time? Fell down on 59...

BTW, I also have to find a new AA sponsor. She called me to tell me that she drank after 15!!! years sober. This is so much a DAILY reprieve. I start to feel good and then the old demon alcohol slaps me down. I just ordered new reading material (I have been through the AA books so many times) on Rational Recovery, and a Buddhist view of the 12 steps... I DO WANT TO STAY SOBER!!

Back to my 7:30 AA meetings tomorrow. They help set the tone for the day.

SummertimeHigh5

Why do you choose not to? Do you like to make yourself miserable on purpose? I do not mean to sound hurtful, please do not take it that way. I am just trying to figure out what you mean here. Hugs!