i am astonishingly angry most the time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
i am astonishingly angry most the time.
it's been almost 6 weeks since i've put down the cancer sticks and booze. still in that "let's not get too excited" phase, but it's also obvious that i'm serious. my question for you guys is did most of you deal with feelings of agitation, frustration and anger on a daily basis when you lifted the toxic shroud? and if so, could you share with me your methods, ideas and experiences regarding said feelings of anger/frustration/agitation and overall negativity with me? ways to combat these feelings, perhaps? i am seeing a cognitive therapist to help me with these issues. i am aware that part of it is the depression, but i can't help but to lash out family and friends for no good reason or have an overwhelming desire to hit co-workers or customers at work for politely asking me a question, which is, in fact, my job. so clearly there is no longer a release present for what was normally subdued by chemical relief...so share with me what you got. funny stories and/or experiences regarding early sobriety aggravations are always also appreciated!
thank you for your time!
looking for a friend,
Constantine
thank you for your time!
looking for a friend,
Constantine
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Anger in search of a target. That has been my M O at times in the past.
It’s good you recognize that the anger originates from within. Good also that you are getting some help with the depression that is likely fueling this anger. There is some truth in the saying that depression is anger turned inward. Getting angry is one way to combat the depression, albeit one with significant downsides. It briefly relieves the feelings of chronic frustration but has significant costs.
The depression that fed my anger was in part biologically based and required some biological help. I found that help in regular exercise, and with both herbal and prescription remedies (at different points in time).
For the psychological component of the depression I found therapy very useful. Gratitude is also quite helpful (there is a forum here on SR called The Gratitude List). Being aware of the part my expectations play in my anger was also key.
Finally, aa helped in ways that would take too long for me to adequately express here now.
I know how you feel. Been there, done that. Feel free to PM me if you wish.
It’s good you recognize that the anger originates from within. Good also that you are getting some help with the depression that is likely fueling this anger. There is some truth in the saying that depression is anger turned inward. Getting angry is one way to combat the depression, albeit one with significant downsides. It briefly relieves the feelings of chronic frustration but has significant costs.
The depression that fed my anger was in part biologically based and required some biological help. I found that help in regular exercise, and with both herbal and prescription remedies (at different points in time).
For the psychological component of the depression I found therapy very useful. Gratitude is also quite helpful (there is a forum here on SR called The Gratitude List). Being aware of the part my expectations play in my anger was also key.
Finally, aa helped in ways that would take too long for me to adequately express here now.
I know how you feel. Been there, done that. Feel free to PM me if you wish.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
During recovery we all need to learn how to deal with lots off different emotions again. Emotions that have been drowned out over the years by the alcohol. Learning to deal with all of these emotions is all part of recovery. On the bright side some of the emotions are positive ones such as love, happiness, pride etc. Try and absorb the positive ones and learn to enjoy your recovery. Sending Happy Vibes your way 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
My biggest aggravation today was a minute ago when I was reading your post and my 10 yr old daughter was noisily crunching and slurping on her ice cream in my ear. It's a "pet hate" of mine and one I have to be very mindful about saying something hurtful over such a trivial issue. The good news is, there has been plenty more things that have happened today that a year ago would have sent my blood boiling but today I can deal with on their own merits without "twisting off". I used to consider people as a big problem in my life. Man, I wanted to smack some!
Quitting tobacco and alcohol cold turkey like that with a bit of therapy is hard core. I find it hard and I put a lot of time and effort into mindfulness exercises, reading, exercise, alone time and take herbal remedy for anxiety. In other words a few spiritual and medical tools and a lot of focussed effort.
Funny though, even the AA literature warns that the daily aggravations and small frustrations are just as likely to trigger a relapse than something major. When having a HALT (hungry, angry, lonely or tired) moment it's time to get centered, meditate for a moment or call a sponsor. Learn how to respond moment to moment as things arise on their own merits. As Mark Twain once said, "some catastrophes that I had in my life actually happened". When you start getting mindful of your thoughts and feelings you will be able to step back and choose how to respond and remain calm as calamity and chaos reins around you.
Good effort Mate, keep it up and if you need to hit someone get a kick bag or take up MMA!
Quitting tobacco and alcohol cold turkey like that with a bit of therapy is hard core. I find it hard and I put a lot of time and effort into mindfulness exercises, reading, exercise, alone time and take herbal remedy for anxiety. In other words a few spiritual and medical tools and a lot of focussed effort.
Funny though, even the AA literature warns that the daily aggravations and small frustrations are just as likely to trigger a relapse than something major. When having a HALT (hungry, angry, lonely or tired) moment it's time to get centered, meditate for a moment or call a sponsor. Learn how to respond moment to moment as things arise on their own merits. As Mark Twain once said, "some catastrophes that I had in my life actually happened". When you start getting mindful of your thoughts and feelings you will be able to step back and choose how to respond and remain calm as calamity and chaos reins around you.
Good effort Mate, keep it up and if you need to hit someone get a kick bag or take up MMA!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
My drinking was an attempt to deal with anger and frustration, not the cause of it. I've never had a problem with depression. I tried meditation, yoga, and acupuncture, but it didn't really help. The source of my problem was my job. I just couldn't accept being forced into being someone I am not by corporate culture. So I quit the job and drinking, in that order, and now I'm fine.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. Hope you stick around.
I had a lot of rage in early sobriety. Whenever I had an episode, my thoughts almost immediately turned to drink. Why? I figured my addiction was using anger to get me to drink. Once I recognized the technique my "mind" was playing on me, I was able to take a few deep breaths and shrug off the incident that was making me mad.
I had a lot of rage in early sobriety. Whenever I had an episode, my thoughts almost immediately turned to drink. Why? I figured my addiction was using anger to get me to drink. Once I recognized the technique my "mind" was playing on me, I was able to take a few deep breaths and shrug off the incident that was making me mad.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
There is a reason they say it's an emotional roller coaster when you quit. It's because thats exactly what it is.
I blew up at people several times when I quit. I can't give any advice,because while it was happening I just knew I was in the right (actually in most cases I was). But there was no need to handle those cases the way I did. But while it was happening it sure felt like the right thing to do at the time.
It usually took me a few days to look back and ask myself and realize"what was I thinking". All I can say is the roller coaster for me like all roller coaster rides slowly leveled out. I think it just takes time.
Fred
I blew up at people several times when I quit. I can't give any advice,because while it was happening I just knew I was in the right (actually in most cases I was). But there was no need to handle those cases the way I did. But while it was happening it sure felt like the right thing to do at the time.
It usually took me a few days to look back and ask myself and realize"what was I thinking". All I can say is the roller coaster for me like all roller coaster rides slowly leveled out. I think it just takes time.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: mentor ohio
Posts: 35
me angry???
i have a anger problem also,ive been angry all my life,,ive been in a rage many times the real bad thing is that most of my anger has been toward my family,anger that they never deseverd.im on medication that seem to work some.my main thing i do is pray ,pray to jesus and st therese,the little flower.i pray to jesus to help me with my anger ,when im feeling angry i go off by my self get on my knees and ask jesus to help me get over this anger.i talk to him about it,i ask for help and he answers me,after a while my anger is gone,i do this all the time ,i cant do this by my self.prayer works,it does if you dont pray start.if you dont believe in jesus pray anyway it cant hurt,jesus loves you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
This is an interesting subject. I recently passed through an angry stretch. I think it came from a lack of self assertion and a lack of clarity. Maybe your anger is speaking toward a deeper truth about your life that you try to avoid? For example, I live in NYC. I work in a money grubbing field. I am single and lonely. I try to eck out an existence through extracting money from others in real estate transactions. It's a damned grey, numbers game of a life! I often wish it were otherwise. I try to live otherwise, but the only way is straight on through, seeing it for what it is, playing its perameters and being myself. I don't know if that applies, but maybe it's helpful. There's the old addage, "Keep what is within you and it will destroy you; let it out and it will save you."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Lately I've been grappling with the idea that my dreams and goals as a drunk person were different than they are sober. It explains some of my frustration and anger I guess. Deep truths are a b*tch!
I grew up with a grumpy dad and I center myself by remembering that I don't want to be that guy. Sometimes I get frustrated with other people in my life lashing out when it does nothing but create unnecessary drama. It is a self indulgent waste of time. For example, what does screaming rage do for any traffic situation? Nothing good, that's for sure.
I remember treating anger with drinking. What a disaster that was!
I grew up with a grumpy dad and I center myself by remembering that I don't want to be that guy. Sometimes I get frustrated with other people in my life lashing out when it does nothing but create unnecessary drama. It is a self indulgent waste of time. For example, what does screaming rage do for any traffic situation? Nothing good, that's for sure.
I remember treating anger with drinking. What a disaster that was!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
One of the best tools in the arsenal for me has been moderate to heavy exercise routine. It is good for tempering anger, for calming down and feeling elated (and the feeling of getting at least something done okay).
A general mindset that I've used in recovery is thinking that anything unpleasant, as symptoms or such are necessary parts of recovery.
Green tea has been really helpful as an aid to relax. In the mornings and often in the evening too. Then there is raw garlic, not taken everyday and every other or so. It seems to give a little "energetic boost" of its own. So may work for fatigue. A multivitamin I take everyday with omega-3 fatty acid. Protein that contains L-Tryptophan may improve mood (since it's been documented to have an effect on depression).
Browsing SR has been really helpful to stay on track with the attitude towards drinking.
The anger may be partly related to the nerves. In the beginning a bit before 2 weeks I had excruciating physical pain around my face and skull. It came in waves. It bothered me then, but hasn't shown up after those initial times.
Maybe letting the anger out somehow might work. Maybe in a way that doesn't deal damage to other people.
Well. There's a few ideas. Anger is also a natural emotion and could be a healthy sign too.
A general mindset that I've used in recovery is thinking that anything unpleasant, as symptoms or such are necessary parts of recovery.
Green tea has been really helpful as an aid to relax. In the mornings and often in the evening too. Then there is raw garlic, not taken everyday and every other or so. It seems to give a little "energetic boost" of its own. So may work for fatigue. A multivitamin I take everyday with omega-3 fatty acid. Protein that contains L-Tryptophan may improve mood (since it's been documented to have an effect on depression).
Browsing SR has been really helpful to stay on track with the attitude towards drinking.
The anger may be partly related to the nerves. In the beginning a bit before 2 weeks I had excruciating physical pain around my face and skull. It came in waves. It bothered me then, but hasn't shown up after those initial times.
Maybe letting the anger out somehow might work. Maybe in a way that doesn't deal damage to other people.
Well. There's a few ideas. Anger is also a natural emotion and could be a healthy sign too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
If I feel anger I feel anger. Feelings just are. I TRY not to act on my anger and am making strides but I'm a work in progress. I do try to notice the anger... To try to calmly observe it without judgement. It helps some.
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