MaxxPower

Hi everyone,

Just thought i might as well register and give my story cause you're posts have helped me out allot in the last few days-so thx in advance.

Im a 32m. I started out drinking around 14 yrs old and continued through till high school graduation. Parties only, Weekends only, and never even came across my mind(or any of my friends minds) to drink during the weekday.

Post-grad came around and two of my friends decided we should take a 1-year working visa in Australia to relax and drink on their amazing beaches(women too). And so we did..allot.

I came back from this gong show holiday with a drinking problem. I think id like to be classified then as... a average alky. Cant actually put a number on the amount of drinks per week- cause I was spontaneous and all over the place. But my countless blackouts and "do you remember when you..." was becoming way more common to me. Didnt really care though..it was fun at the time.

This sort of behavior carried on for about 5 years. Going from job to job and always getting fired for being late or for simply not showing up cause of being hung over. Once again, didnt care at all cause I would just get another one.

I moved in with my girlfriend(ex). She was a heavy drinker also but she was always nagging at me bout how much I was drinking. Its was now weekdays.. 6-8 beers every night after work. The weekends on the other hand were a different story...hard alcohol(lots and lots of blackouts)...will never know. This unhealthy relationship and behavior carried on for around 4 years till we broke up.

Forgot to mention during the last two years of this relationship-to the now present. I had required a really good paying job that I enjoy.(no hard labour).

About 2 years also I was diagnosed with a hernia in my groin. I was put on a waiting list for surgery(around a year). This took a major blow to my physical activities..Hockey, golf, biking, working out..etc. Found myself drinking way way more. Fireball was now my drink of choice. Mickey of Fireball and cooling off with 8-12 beers everynight. Could still work cause my job is so soft...and I work late afternoons so I didnt reek like booze when I arrived.

Nov of last year my surgury was complete. Just hadto wait 2 weeks till I could walk again and was would be a free man. Kept myself with a nice buzz from morning till night to make the time pass faster.

Everything was back to "normal" till that fateful night on Jan 17. Woke up in the middle of the night with what I now know as the most painful thing Ive ever experienced. It pain was coming from my upper abdomen. Battled the pain till the morning hoping it would **** off.

Went to the Hospital cause the pain was just unbearable...After allot of annoying exams the doctors diagnosed me with..you guessed it..Pancreatitis.
Was hospitalized for a few days. Docs told me cut out the booze all together.

Nine days alcohol free. I found a doc at a walk in clinic(1-10) to say that I could at least drink in moderation...that all i needed. I was now drinking MORE than I did before my pancreas meltdown! Dunno if it was cause my brain thought it missed out on drinking or whatever.

This is where my withdraws(DT's) and insomnia started to really come into play. Was drinking around 6-8 more drinks onto of what I was already drinking before. Now found myself drinking in the morning getting out of bed..to avoid DT's..I dont needto describe them cause you all know. But they were the all above except for a seizures or hallucinations.

That progressed to drinking morning, afternoon and night. So yeah, I was drinking while I was at work. Work allot solo so this is the only way I can pull it off. That and allot of gum and cologne.

By this time around I had been in and out of the hospital around 5 times since my pancreas attack. Was now backed into the corner maintenance drinking around the clock just to function normally.

At work one day I was trying to maintenance drink but it seemed that I couldnt get enough alcohol in me to calm my nerves and to slow my heart rate. I called nurse and she said to seek medical attention immediately. This landed me in the hospital overnight.

My sister hadto come and grab me in the morning and I told her everything. She had no idea and was supportive. I then knew what was next. Take some time off work(so I dont get busted for drinking) and get myself into detox.


So..took time off work and got my dumbass into detox after 2 weeks. Stayed there for 4 days. They wanted to keep me for the full 10 but there was no way. It was just way to boring for me.

Right after I got out I walked across the street(no joke it was across the street) and bought a 8 pack. Proceeded to drink for 3 days till I got my prescriptions filled out from detox. Ive been sober now for 7 days...only cause of the pills and my family.(i finally told my parents everything).

Thats were my drinking has got me right now...and it sucks. This will be the hardest thing ive ever done..is to quit. Constantly thinking about drinking still!
Dont want that lifestyle anymore..buy my brain is trying to trick me to make excuses up....constantly.

Sorry bout the insanely long post but i cant sleep...Anyways, thx for reading if you got this far...im going to my first AA tomorrow afternoon. Any tips to help out with my situation would be great...

GracieLou

Hi MaxxPower and welcome to SR.

It is good you have a plan for recovery. Take one day at a time. There is a lot of information and support here.

Jaded1999

Sounds like my story bro, I am 1 year sober thanks to AA. Early days are tough but just stick it out, life is sooo much better.
Goodluck.

EndGameNYC

Maybe, but it will also be the most fulfilling thing you've ever done. No doubt.

MaxxPower

Thank guys,

Of course i'm trying to sober up for my own health but more so for my family(parents). Seeing my mom and dad start to cry when I told them tore me up inside. They knew I drank but didnt know the severity of it. When they looked up acute pancreatitis they freaked out.
Anyways, havent got the antibuse filled out yet from detox...just the following. taking 6 25mg Quetiapine tabs and 40 mg of Citalopram everyday.
Is antibuse worth taking?
Dont want to take anything thats not necessary...

Serenity1972

You need to sober up for you. I know it hurts to see your family upset. I still have my dirty little secret with all of my family besides my OH. I am not sure if the antibuse is worth taking. It takes 2 weeks to build up in your system and two weeks to get out of your system from what I was told. Yes, I have taken them before on a court order due to refusing to have a breathalyzer installed in my truck. You will also have to have your liver monitored as the antibuse also does damage to your liver..go figure! I took them for 6 months and went back out after I stopped. I am not saying they are not for everyone, I am just telling you my own personal experience. Best of luck to you and try to stay strong.

artsoul

Welcome MaxxPower!

Congratulations on making the decision to get sober. The first days can be a real challenge because we still have that mental obsession... It's like our addiction doesn't want to give up and will find any excuse for another drink.

It really does get better, though....and the cravings/obsession will fade over time. Get LOTS of support and/or maybe check out some recovery resources (AA, AVRT and this forum have all helped me a lot).

Glad you're here!

karate

My digestive problems reduced a bunch ,when i quit drinking a gallon of poison a day .


It will get to the point where your urge to drink a beer will be less than 1% of your time .

MaxxPower

Thx for the reply's everyone,

I didn't make it to a AA meeting yesterday..went fishing instead. Didnt drink a single drop though..was tough coming back past the beer store. Brain was trying to tell me that I deserve it. Was a battle.

This is NOT an excuse to drink....Just to keep me in check.

Does anyone have any experience drinking with Pancreatitis or know of anyone that does/has drank with it?

karate

Fellow i was in AA with ,had it chronic ,said he woul die if he kept drinking .

He was about 35 at the time

gaffo

Quitting drinking is a journey that I have found to be worth taking.

MaxxPower

Went for a extremely long bike ride yesterday to keep my mind occupied.

Nice sunny weather is definitely a major "trigger" for me.

Brain was screaming at me to stop at the many stores I passed for a COLD crisp beer.

Pulled though it but holy crap was yesterday a constant battle. Only on day 9 now!

This is borderline insane how hard this is..

GracieLou

Congrats on day nine!

One day at time, that is how it works. Have you made it to an AA meeting yet?

bryangt

Keep going Maxx...one day at a time & try to hit some AA meetings. The meetings have kept me sober through some very (and still) trying times. Almost 2 & 1/2 years sober now--one day at time of course...Good Luck

EndGameNYC

There's no borderline about it. As is true with cycling and other forms of exercise, we start out with some pain, and then build up our sober muscles. At some point, sobriety becomes a natural part of who we are, and the struggle to stay sober is replaced by the challenge of living a better life.

TDInstall

I got back into cycling during the early days of my recovery this year.

I am now racing, and getting KOMs on Strava on every ride, utterly crushing the opposition.

You can do this too.

Or you can drink.

You can not do both.

I went from 81kg of flab, to 67kg of road racing powerhouse in 5 months, and you can too. It is easy if you don't drink.

Johno1967

I would advice against it. You are a lucky man. The last thing you want is Alcoholic Hepatitis and or Korsakoff Syndrome.
Booze is unsafe for you in any amounts IMHO. Don't do it to yourself or your family.
Give AA a go. Read the Big Book. There are other recovery modalities to choose from and this forum covers most.
You sound like you are just having a break and mean to drink again. Alcoholism is a progressive illness and you may decide to try moderating but trust me its unlikely to succeed. Abstinence in your case sounds like the only way. I was about halfway down that road to where you got and could see where it led as my father went there after he decided he could drink again and died as a result. I decided to take no chances and chose life.

Fallow

Hi Maxx,

Thank you for sharing your story here and welcome. I hope you keep sharing it as you go along.

One thing that I have learned a lot about on this journey is acceptance. There's lots of stuff I didn't want to accept but found a way over time. One of them is not drinking that ice cold beer on a hot day. I built that one up to heaven-like status. Its not the temperature of the drink that I want though its the effect alcohol has on me. I choose to drink ice cold lemonade instead but usually I stop at 1 glass. That never happened with the beers.

I think going to AA is a great idea. I went a lot the first few months and I don't think I would have made it through without. I went to a meeting every chance I got for a solid 2 months. It was worth it because I don't think I could fully see that my life was on the line. Having a safe place to go with folks who understood was what I needed. I found out that yes I can stay sober, but only if it is my number one priority.

And I love being clean and sober now!

MaxxPower

Got one lined up for Tuesday.

Should be very interesting..

MaxxPower

5 months!? that sounds like fun.

Yah biking is helping quite abit. 2 hours a day minimum.

Beat my old long distance record(drinking fireball whiskey...that stuff gives me allot of fake energy) and thought I would never beat it. My new sober record destroyed it.

guess thats saying something..