"good for you!"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
"good for you!"
Friend: Hey, did you quit smoking?"
Me: Yep!
Friend: Good for you!
Me: I quit drinking too!
Friend: Good for you!
Everyone congratulates me for no longer drinking or smoking, all while they continue to do the same. Is it just lip service, or do they secretly want to not drink/smoke too, but don't know how?
I feel it's the same as "oh, you ran a marathon! I'm so jealous, I want to do that!" The person who wants to run a marathon usually expresses their desire to do so while sitting on a couch instead of putting on their running shoes and going.
Me: Yep!
Friend: Good for you!
Me: I quit drinking too!
Friend: Good for you!
Everyone congratulates me for no longer drinking or smoking, all while they continue to do the same. Is it just lip service, or do they secretly want to not drink/smoke too, but don't know how?
I feel it's the same as "oh, you ran a marathon! I'm so jealous, I want to do that!" The person who wants to run a marathon usually expresses their desire to do so while sitting on a couch instead of putting on their running shoes and going.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Many, many people aren't aware they have a problem. And the ones that do- yes, possibly they wish they could too, but can't fathom it for themselves.
I find many times that people try to identify with me or clarify (justify?) their drinking patterns during these conversations. "Yeah, I used to drink a lot but now I just have a beer now and then" sorts of things. I recognize that people might feel more awkward about my abstinence than I do, and I usually just go along with these conversations. At least in my circles, I hope to come across as non-judgemental. If any of my friends decides they do in fact have a problem, I'd hope they might come to me and know I'd try my best to help.
I find many times that people try to identify with me or clarify (justify?) their drinking patterns during these conversations. "Yeah, I used to drink a lot but now I just have a beer now and then" sorts of things. I recognize that people might feel more awkward about my abstinence than I do, and I usually just go along with these conversations. At least in my circles, I hope to come across as non-judgemental. If any of my friends decides they do in fact have a problem, I'd hope they might come to me and know I'd try my best to help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 69
that's a good attitude to have.
My mother left my father because of his drinking. When given the choice between alcohol and his family he stubbornly chose alcohol. "I'm an adult and no one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do," he said. Famous last words. Three years later alcohol killed him.
I mention this because I realize, despite the 12th step of AA, that my job is NOT to proselytize and convert the drinkers to sobriety. It is a decision that must come from within. It took me years to get there myself.
My mother left my father because of his drinking. When given the choice between alcohol and his family he stubbornly chose alcohol. "I'm an adult and no one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do," he said. Famous last words. Three years later alcohol killed him.
I mention this because I realize, despite the 12th step of AA, that my job is NOT to proselytize and convert the drinkers to sobriety. It is a decision that must come from within. It took me years to get there myself.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
GoodByeJose, Yes- we all have to choose our own paths. We may certainly recognize behavior patterns in others, but it's really up to them to figure out. All we can do is be there to help; "diagnosing" or suggesting anyone else has issues isn't only judgmental, but off-putting as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
I think it's genuine. They are proud of you and think that it is good for you. Not for them. It may be good for them too but alcoholics are clouded in delusion. Just focus on making yourself strong in sobriety and be glad that you got it. Most alcoholics stay in delusion for ever.
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