LadyBlue0527

I know that I'm still early in sobriety but I feel confident enough to be in situations where alcohol is involved and not use. Well, strike that, I wouldn't go to a bar on a Friday or Saturday evening. Those are still trigger points where not that I would drink, I just think it would be torturing myself needlessly.

However, I feel comfortable that I'm ready to hang one on one with friends who I previously drank with, but not in a bar. I also signed up for the 24 hr club yesterday to cement the deal knowing I may be hanging out with one of my old drinking buddies last night.

This is now the 2nd time that she has texted me where the plans fell through. This time she texted that she was in town and wanted to get together Sat or Sun. I told her that I meet with my sponsor one of those two days so I'd find out which and get back to her (underlying message, I still don't drink). Yesterday, I find out that I'm meeting with my sponsor Sunday and so I text my friend telling her this but that I was free last night. The return message says "I'm really tired tonight but we can get together tomorrow". I thought that maybe I screwed up my text so I went back and reread it. Nope, plain and simple. Meeting with my sponsor on Sunday so tomorrow won't work. How about tonight?

It's not really the above that bothered me, I just figured that she misread the days. This all occurred at about 5pm. Then, at about 8pm I get a text from her asking if I wanted to go out. I know that the appearance of that statement would at first lead one to believe that maybe she got a second wind and decided she really wanted to see me. You have to know this person to understand (even my own husband, knowing her, made the comment) "Yup, she knew you weren't drinking so she told you she was tired and then started going down the list of her drinking buddies and couldn't find anyone so she texted you as the last resort".

I've come to the conclusion that I need to step forward and start really building my relationships with people who don't drink. This hoping that I can hang on to the old drinking buddies that I had even though I'm sober is for the birds.

Do they ever get it????

gaffo

I'm almost two years and everyone I hang out with knows that I don't drink. They have to worry about whether I approve of them. Drinking people are a special blend of annoying and boring, with a dash of amusing to me now! When I hang out with them I am tempted to leave, not drink.

But that doesn't matter now, the important thing is to keep it simple and just don't drink. The rest of it will take care of itself. I still have some friends who are full blown alcoholics. It is possible (though occasionally heartbreaking). You are doing a good job. Keep it up! It's worth it, it will get better.

MattyBoy

I've been asking myself a similar question for a while now and as I'm only three months sober I still haven't firmly established myself to people, with the exception of my family, that i just simply don't drink anymore. I had been seeing my friend who I used to drink with and he noticed i wasn't drinking and asked "how long is the sober streak gonna last then?" At that time I didn't have the assertiveness that I have now to say that I don't drink anymore and told I'm laying off it for the moment because it messes with my head. He seemed to be receptive and understanding of this but about a month later when it was coming to my birthday he sent me a text saying "lets meet up on ur birthday to celebrate...and you ARE drinking on your birthday because its your birthday for christa sake!" I didn't understand his logic. I told him alcohol messed with my head and I didn't like it and yet he still thought I should make an exception to do the thing I don't like on my birthday - a day that, in his words, I should be celebrating. Madness !

I have now firmly established it with him that I don't drink and my other friends don't bother me anymore about it after they realise I'm less of a dick and more fun to be around in general when I'm sober. One of them actually tells me not to drink because I end up becoming a liability when I'm out drunk on a Friday night. So yeah, how long it takes? Well, it takes time, the length of which depends on your assertiveness and whether or not you follow it through. Some people may take it board but will be thinking "yeah right, the sobriety thing won't last long!" But as long as you keep showing in social situations that you're comfortable having a soda etc and are happier for it then people will get used to it and it won't be an issue. Good luck!

LDT

I'm getting close to starting my 3rd year of sobriety ( with one short relapse thrown in there) and I can tell you that some of my friends STILL don't Get it. My former best friend/ drinking buddy hates that I don't drink. My other former best friend (presumably ) thinks I'm boring. Know what? Doesn't matter any longer....I owe them no explanation. I Just live my sober life and if they want to be IN it....that's their choice. But truly, I am much more comfortable around people that don't drink with intention. I just no longer see the point.

Legs21

I told my best friend that I was done drinking two days go. Under the pretense that it was making me fat and anxious (which it is), and not necessarily that I know I have a problem with it. Her response? "For how long?? I need a drink just thinking about that." (she did later say she supports what I need to do.)

She is too good of a friend to cut out of my life, but now I am scared of what kind of responses I am going to get from everyone else -- especially if they are just meeting me, I don't want to come off as an addict.

Honestly, I am more scared of this than being without alcohol.

Hope4Life

Some will, some wont but one thing is for sure..... YOU DO!

Take a good look at those friendships you had while drinking. Are they really TRUE friends or are they, as you said, just drinking buddies? While it is not easy to leave people you once considered friends behind, if they are a threat to your sobriety or feel threatened by it... are they TRUE friends?

The most important thing is YOUR sobriety and it may be necessary to make some changes to ensure you remain SOBER.

Grungehead

The first time I got sober I was 29, so it seemed like more of an issue for me at that time. I lost most of my friends, including who I thought was my best friend. After sobering up a bit I realized that the one thing that most of my friends and I had in common was that we drank (and/or drugged) the same way. Then it dawned on me that I had chosen to call these people friends for the same reason. If I kept drinking and they had quit I probably wouldn't have hung out with them either. Coming to that conclusion helped me to not take it personal that they had abandoned me since I probably would have done the same to them if situation had been reversed.

This time it was not much of an issue. I had driven off what few friends I had and chose to drink in isolation.

ReadyAtLast

This I love,Gaffo

Ladyblue, some people won't get it, some don't want to get it and others who respect us will accept our decision even though they don't get it

For me, I still have people round me who drink but they are close friends and family where the relatonship goes beyond alcohol and they more often than not don't drink.

Friends who I only ever connected with in a bar over alcohol have gone from my life as I realized we had nothing in common once the wine was removed from the equation.

I don't try and get people to understand now. My decision is my decision,I don't need to explain to others. If they do not accept and respect my decision then that is their problem,not mine.

You can't change your friend or persuade her to understand. Maybe she has her own issues with alcohol. Just be true to yourself

Ampsmarie

I have googled so many articles about recovery. I found one that listed all kinds of questions normies ask... from "you don't drink?" To "can't you just have one?"... I even went to a work event 4 months sober and was offered champagne by the owner. I kindly declined saying I don't drink. Response was "you can't trust people who don't drink" then handed me a glass. I held it, then placed if down 5 minutes later on a table that a waitress was cleaning up. One of my good friends asks all the time in confusion "so you can NEVER drink again?" I thought hard on the friendship thing last night. I have 13 months sober... If anyone asks me if I want a drink my thought is "I don't want what you have, I love what I have"

Breck

Remember when we were in junior high, and high school, and people taught us about drugs and peer pressure?

If someone asked you at age 14, "What do you think about a friend who only likes you if you drink alcohol?" the answer would come quickly and easily... "That person is not my REAL friend. That person is a jerk."

And you know what? Our 14 year old answer is correct!

Anyone who truly loves and cares about you, and who has even a basic understanding of addiction, will not pressure you to drink. Some friends and family will take some time getting used to the new, sober you. But no one who's on your side will prefer the drinking-version-of-you to the sober-version-of-you. The drinking-version was on a crash course to badness, while the sober-version has a really good shot at living a wonderful, productive life.

SoberHappyHour

I really don't think much about who is used to me not drinking and who isn't or how long it's going to take them to get used to it. I just kno in my head that I don't drink and like someone previously mentioned .. Most of the time when I'm out I'm more tempted to just leave then to drink. I think as the night progresses and the drinkers get drunk, it's less fun for me to try to socialize with them. Do I care whether they are used to me not drinking or not ? Not really. I am usually just very relieved to be able to drive home without looking in my rear view mirror. This sobriety is for me and those who are there for me during it, not those who can't accept it or accept my friendship as a sober man.

HopefulinFLA

I can relate to this! Although not a A myself, I stopped drinking in support of my AH when he quit. Every now and again I'll meet some friends at the bar for a soda or two. I think my max is about 2 hours, after that I just can't stand it anymore. Don't know how we used to sit there for 4 -6 hours at a time!

jazzfish

I think it has a lot more to do than whether the person drinks or not. Most people on this planet drink, but quite normally, and I will not write off such a broad swath of humanity based on whether they drink. The problem is the kind of drinking people I used to hang out with were at a pretty low standard. The drinking buddies I had at the bar had to go. In sobriety, they were nothing more than boring drunks. As the standard of your friends begins to rise, so does their behavior and acceptance of what you are doing. Simply put, drinking is not the center point of any of our lives, so it isn't an issue.

FBL

I lost a lot of "drinking buddies" over the years, but my few true friends have stayed close. They'd rather see me sober and happy than drunk and miserable.

NorCaliGal

Just this weekend I felt that I was purposely not invited to barbeque at a very good friend's home because both I and my boyfriend have stopped drinking. It hurt, I'm not going to lie. And this has happened in the past when I've had periods of sobriety. My impression is that they are trying to help and be supportive by not exposing me to situations where drinking occurs. Sweet, but I need to be able to navigate a world where others can drink but I cannot - preferably by relying the resources I've lined up for myself, not relying on friends to censor my environment for me.

This time I tried to shake it off. Thankfully I have lots to keep me occupied and my boyfriend and I had a wonderful weekend. And the whole situation really just served to reinforce my desire to stop drinking for good, even if it means "friends" stop inviting me places. I have my boyfriend, and I can make other friends.

PhaseTwo

People who have drinking problems themselves and are in denial will probably never get it, but I've found most people are supportive, maybe because I'm not such an ******* now that I'm sober

karate

Its not about anyone else ,Its about you and what works.

Some people ,once stopped are real sensitive about not drinking ,I was too .

I just tell them now " I have to get up at 4 am to go to work ,want me to call ya then "

NYCDoglvr

In some cases it comes down to a choice between ex-drinking buddies and sobriety. Your life is different now and it's a good idea to keep far away from "people, places and things" that can trigger a craving for alcohol.

Live2Run25

No. A lot of people NEVER get it. I get tired of explaining myself, so I slowly just lost touch with everyone. Right before I hit my year, I posted it on Facebook and one of my friends said "Almost there!" like I just set a year goal JUST to do it. People truly don't ever get it.