MattyBoy

A lot of people on this site, despite recognising that AA isn't for everyone, often say 'don't do it alone' when talking about sobriety. As someone who found AA riddled with triggers and wanted to avoid it, who else am I meant to be doing 'it' with in terms of getting sober. I've been three months sober without any real intense cravings and although my family ha e been somewhat supportive we rare,y discuss my drinking habits and other than coming on here, I guess I am doing it alone... Does coming on SR and remaining active by posting and supporting others and asking questions constitute not getting sober alone? If not, what else does besides AA? Counselling, doctors advice, medication..?

terry9

I had all those things you mentioned !!!! It really does help talking and discussing with people who are going through the same thing either around you or on SR xx My husband and children helped a lot with their positive comments x and I feel proud to say I have now been sober for 803 days !!! I counted up the other day !!! xxxxx Take medical advice if you need to x

hypochondriac

Good question I couldn't tolerate AA and for a long time I thought that going it alone meant doing it without AA, so I was scared of not going. But then I realised that I wasn't going it alone, I had the support from people here, and I am here a lot! I know that I wouldn't be sober right now if it wasn't for the people here, I know that because I tried and failed. But I still felt I needed face to face support which I got as and when needed in the form of counselling and support from a local addiction agency (There are tons of these things in the UK, if you do a google search I am sure you'll find something near you) which at the time I went there was a real lifesaver. I was beside myself at that point as I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, I didn't like AA and my family were acting like I was just over reacting. I felt like they were the first people to take me seriously.

I certainly think that coming here constitutes as not doing it alone, we count as people right? But if you feel alone get more support. You shouldn't have to feel alone because you're not, there are tons of recovering alcoholics all over the place and we really can help each other

GracieLou

Not to plug AA but it is in the rooms that I found my support system. Yes, I go to meetings and I need the fellowship. I get and give support there but it is the people that I have met and became friends with that are my support circle.

I know that if I am having a problem I can call them and I have. Sometimes they give advice and other times they just listen. If I ever get the feeling to drink I am going to call one of these people to talk me through it or meet me some place and we can get through it together.

I never thought I would need anyone like I need these people and not only need them but want them in my life. They are my rock. I would not be where I am today without them in my life.

Dee74

I don't think many people do it 'on their own' - everyone needs support.

For some thats AA, for others, its another programme, or counselling or something like SR.

Smart is a non 12 step meeting based alternative to AA.
SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK

If meeting with other alcoholics triggers you you could always try online meetings, or Rational Recovery which has no meetings at all.

I'd be surprised if you didn't feel triggered tho, the first few times whatever you do - it's new and its a little uncomfortable, and when I felt that way I always wanted to drink. Perhaps you need to get past that Matty?

D

terry9

Yes my doctor organised the Addiction services for me and I had to see them before she would give me any medication.All this helped me but of course everyone is different x I think talking to people here on SR would help you a lot !

LazyBonez

Well, without going into it pretty deep and offending others... I'll just say that I'm one of the people that prefer to do the getting sober thing alone. I stay honest (too honest) with everyone I meet and say, "yeah I used to be addicted benzos, opioids, alcohol, pot, nicotine, and.... hmm what else??? So no I can't do that"... Not typically worded like that of course, but I get the point across to anybody that offers me a drink or a toke, or anybody really... I simply never care what anybody thinks of me, and I don't feel shame. I've tried all types of rehabs, and 12 steps, and therapy etc... it's all too ridiculous for my brain to take seriously. Most people either care about their reputation, and what others think of them.... or have a belief/faith in a god or higher power which doesn't make sense to me... and most people feel guilt and shame for actions. And they feel fear for repercussions from what they do. I simply don't. Blah I'll stop there. it's hard to discuss my feeling without offending sensitive people.

GerandTwine

In the Secular Connections Forum here on SR, people can and many do learn how to become abstinent on their own. The method is called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.

aasharon90

When listening to others who talk about
or share their own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like for them,
before, during and after drinking, you will
find out what has worked best for them.

Some may use religion only. Others use
programs of recovery filled with knowledge
and tools to help them learn to stay sober
a day at a time.

Many will share that when left up to themselves
to stay sober many failed, because their will
to stay stopped failed. Meaning, they could stop
for periods of time to only return back to the
insanity and rollercoaster rides of drinking.

I can only share about myself when I say I
tried countless times to stop drinking on my
own and stay stopped to only fail many times.

It took a family intervention to break thru
my wall of denial, suicidal attempt, failures
to get me professional help for my addiction.

I learned about my addiction in a 28 day rehab
stay receiving some useful, helpful knowledge
and tools of a recovery program to incorporate
in my everyday affairs.

For me, this has worked and it continues to
work for me as I inch towards 23 yrs sobriety.

That to me is a gift. And I won't take my sobriety
or even one day sober for granted because, the
day I stop living my program of recovery, then
I would be taking back my own will and misery.

So, i'll stay right where Im at today. Peaceful.

GwenCummings

I believe they call it "white knuckling" when you attempt to stay sober without help. I tried it and managed to stay sober for 2 and a half years. Then that determined little voice said "you're ok now" and I didn't have enough strength in my sobriety to say no.

I am now 25 days sober but this time my doctor is supporting me, I've been to AA a couple of times and I plan to build a new life with sober friends. It's not the craving alcohol that I find hard although I do get cravings. I find it hard to face life without being able to change my mood whenever I want to. Boredom, stress, anxiety, pain, joy... I have to just feel them.

I have told myself that I am strong but I am stronger with help. There is a scene in 28 days where an alcoholic and addict is in rehab and she has to wear a sign round her neck saying... Confront me if I don't ask for help". It makes me smile because that is SO me.

Of course she also says " I am so tired by the way you people talk. You know, I mean, "one day at a time." What is that? I mean, like two, three days at a time is an option?"

Some people aren't joiners. Woody Allen says, " "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."

Movie quotes... I have one or every occasion.

Anyway... Good luck to you whatever you decide. X

least

I stay sober with daily visits to SR and monthly counseling sessions. (used to be weekly) I've been sober over three years now and am doing just fine. I must admit tho that I find SR to be a very helpful site.

Junegirl

I always thought doing it on your own meant getting sober without a meetings kind of method, but I'm not exactly an expert on the lingo. I guess most of my support is here. I can't get to meetings, even online. But I'm doing a lot of reading and have a lot of thought-out strategies and have made changes to my life. I find that the actions I've taken to change my life have been most helpful. Sometimes I feel that we talk and think, talk and think, talk and think, but there's no meaningful action to create change. Don't get me wrong, processing is great, and I do that too, but at the end of the day it's whether I do or don't do that makes all the difference. What was it Yoda said? Do or do not. There is no try.

My two cents.

June

Soberpotamus

If you are spending time on SR, I think you aren't going it alone. Because you are exchanging ideas, information, experience, strength and hope with other people in recovery. Although you are definitely missing some important aspects of face to face interaction and fellowship.

But I think what matters is if you are getting all you need in recovery. Only you can decide that. Do you think it's enough? Just coming on SR. Or do you feel like you need more? It is all about tweaking your program so that it works for you, and successfully so. That means, avoiding the relapse spiral (which involves a whole lot more than just turning up a drink), and actually living contentedly and happily in sobriety. For most of us, it seems that we need a whole lot more than just setting the bottle down. Myself included.

These days, I spend lots of time on SR and reading recovery books, go to my therapist weekly, a weekly Continuing Care group meeting, vitamin therapy, meditation, journaling, exercise, and an occasional Women For Sobriety face to face. It works for me.

Banquo

I stay sober by counselling sessions but otherwise I am on my own. I couldn't do AA the religious side of it just puts me totally off. As does the secular higher power. Listen I wouldn't stop wrecking my life through binge drinking for my fiancee who regularly cried as did my mum. You can do it on your own because you come to a point like I did where you finally realise you have to stop for yourself.

When that switch goes off in your head basically it's far more easier not to take that first drink.

totfit

I have found AA to be triggering also (for me). Unless a hermit, there are very few of us that do anything "alone". We all do better with strong personal relationships. I find that I get support at my Saturday morning running group, from my family, work relationships, etc. Doesn't have to be anything about "not drinking". Matter of fact i concentrate very little on not drinking and more on living. I do find this site very helpful and actually get most of it from a "feed" as opposed to going to the site. For the most part I just remember that for me drinking is just nonsense and concentrate on living. It was not always that way, but given enough time, lessons and life experience, it was an evolution.

Isaiah

I do AA, but I freely admit there have been times when going to a meeting became triggering for me. In my own case, I've decided that I needed to work through the source of the trigger rather than avoid it completely. But that's not a universal formula; what to confront and what to avoid is different for each.

I think SR is a perfectly acceptable tool for recovery. I don't come here just because I'm bored often. This site's been a big help to me for about 5 years now.

I've also had a lot of success with an intensive therapy I went through a few years back. It was primarily for purely mental health issues, but it also applies perfectly to addiction too. I believe it's even being used more and more for addiction treatment (if you're curious, you could see if Dialectical Behavior Therapy is offered near you.)

Doing it completely on one's own is, in my opinion, a big mistake. Statistically the odds are really stacked against someone who does nothing at all.

Lightning Bug

I get triggered at AA. But I keep going.

MattyBoy

Thank you for all the very helpful replies; all of which have made it pretty clear to me that by coming on here I get a lot of support and am thus not doing it alone, especially the fact I share the same struggles and insecurities as many of you.

I may give AA another go. I suppose the only reason I find it triggers me is because I often do exactly what you're not supposed to do when in a meeting: listen to the differences and not the similarities in the speakers chair. I often think to myself, well, I haven't been to jail, or developed a serious illness, or had the DTs and as I'm young I still have a few more years of drinking left in me. Total rubbish of course. Probably the addictive voice at work so perhaps another good route for me is looking at AVRT as some of you lovely folk have already suggested.

Here's to another sober day! Peace x

JustSarah

Try the Alan Carr book to Matty - without that and SR I don't think I would have been able to get past 2 days let alone 2 weeks xx

Soberpotamus

Well, just my thoughts on this... I understand that they want you to focus on the similarities, and all those in attendance supposedly have a desire to stop drinking, so that is the #1 similarity. But honestly, I'd find it hard NOT to notice both the similarities AND the differences... that is just human nature. We have the nature to scan, compare, analyze... it is what keeps us alive you know?