Cant do it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
The short answer is you quit one more time than you take it up again Oct.
The slightly longer answer is - look at what you've been doing to stay quit in the past. Accept that whatever you've been doing hasn't been enough.
What else can you do? what things haven't you tried?
D
The slightly longer answer is - look at what you've been doing to stay quit in the past. Accept that whatever you've been doing hasn't been enough.
What else can you do? what things haven't you tried?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Maybe there's a few approaches here you'll like?
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Most recovery methods have an online meeting option now. Some methods, like Rational Recovery (AVRT) have no meetings at all. You can read more about AVRT in the secular forum.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....
A solution will not come knocking on your front door - it's a serious problem we face and we really need to work at digging ourselves out of the hole - there's no short cuts there.
D
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Most recovery methods have an online meeting option now. Some methods, like Rational Recovery (AVRT) have no meetings at all. You can read more about AVRT in the secular forum.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....
A solution will not come knocking on your front door - it's a serious problem we face and we really need to work at digging ourselves out of the hole - there's no short cuts there.
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by oct11 
I'm a perfectionist
Are you willing to wait until you're no longer an HFA before you get help?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re How do you do this.
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”
― Anne Wilson
I agree. You can do this, oct11, we know you can. Remember: A single day is just enough to keep the dream alive. So start with day one and then turn the page. We'll be rooting for you.
― Anne Wilson
I agree. You can do this, oct11, we know you can. Remember: A single day is just enough to keep the dream alive. So start with day one and then turn the page. We'll be rooting for you.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi oct11
The first thing that you do is to rearrange that thought process. Your thread title says it alone. "Can't do it". Now, rearrange that thinking to "Can do it". As long as you keep telling yourself you can't, you won't.
I also have quit many times. I say that this is my 4th attempt at sobriety. However, what I should really say is that this is the 4th attempt that's lasted more than one weekend. I am now at the longest sober stretch I have ever had. I have been sober the longest period in 30 years. I've had many "I've had enough, not drinking anymore". Then managed to make it to about the 13 or 14 day mark and went right back to it. It took me many years of attempted moderation in so many different ways to realize that all roads lead back to the same thing. I can't drink.
What's different this time?
1. I WANTED IT, more importantly, I wanted it for ME and for no one else.
2. I found a program that worked for me. Not touting AA, the decision has to be yours. However, I had tried AA previously and it didn't work. This time I realized that it's not that it didn't work, it's that I didn't work it and I wasn't really ready to quit.
3. I formulated a plan ahead of time that immediately went into action when I began to crave including coming here to read and post.
4. I treat my sobriety as a possession that I must protect from everything, it's the priority and core of my life. Even my AV can't take it away.
5. See #1
I promise you, the other side is better. I am now 67 days in, 9 weekends without alcohol and where it was hard at the beginning every moment of every craving that I overcame is well worth what I am experiencing now. The cravings are nowhere near what they were in the beginning either. Where I would be running my plan in the beginning for a few hours if need be it's now nothing more than a passing thought here and there.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
The first thing that you do is to rearrange that thought process. Your thread title says it alone. "Can't do it". Now, rearrange that thinking to "Can do it". As long as you keep telling yourself you can't, you won't.
I also have quit many times. I say that this is my 4th attempt at sobriety. However, what I should really say is that this is the 4th attempt that's lasted more than one weekend. I am now at the longest sober stretch I have ever had. I have been sober the longest period in 30 years. I've had many "I've had enough, not drinking anymore". Then managed to make it to about the 13 or 14 day mark and went right back to it. It took me many years of attempted moderation in so many different ways to realize that all roads lead back to the same thing. I can't drink.
What's different this time?
1. I WANTED IT, more importantly, I wanted it for ME and for no one else.
2. I found a program that worked for me. Not touting AA, the decision has to be yours. However, I had tried AA previously and it didn't work. This time I realized that it's not that it didn't work, it's that I didn't work it and I wasn't really ready to quit.
3. I formulated a plan ahead of time that immediately went into action when I began to crave including coming here to read and post.
4. I treat my sobriety as a possession that I must protect from everything, it's the priority and core of my life. Even my AV can't take it away.
5. See #1
I promise you, the other side is better. I am now 67 days in, 9 weekends without alcohol and where it was hard at the beginning every moment of every craving that I overcame is well worth what I am experiencing now. The cravings are nowhere near what they were in the beginning either. Where I would be running my plan in the beginning for a few hours if need be it's now nothing more than a passing thought here and there.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
1. I WANTED IT, more importantly, I wanted it for ME and for no one else.
That's the way it works!
I also needed to get honest with myself and recognize the AV or untruth in my thinking because if I repeat the untrue often enough I'll thing it's true.
BE WELL
That's the way it works!
I also needed to get honest with myself and recognize the AV or untruth in my thinking because if I repeat the untrue often enough I'll thing it's true.
BE WELL
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Sobriety requires willingness more than technique to make it work. If you come into it already believing it can't be done, there's really nothing available to make it work.
Having some perfectionist tendencies myself, I think what's gotten me through is accepting that there aren't any concrete assurances I can make that I'm not going to drink again. I have to keep the perfectionist side focused on what's directly in front of me, be it for the day or the next task at hand. It's my plan to never drink again, but I don't have plans for what I'll be doing this day in 2018.
But it starts with being willing to trust that you don't have to drink today. Just picture these words as if I were saying them in earnest: "I must drink a bottle of wine everyday, so how do I stay sober?" If that sounds like a contradictory statement to you, then I would advise a deep think about where you stand.
Having some perfectionist tendencies myself, I think what's gotten me through is accepting that there aren't any concrete assurances I can make that I'm not going to drink again. I have to keep the perfectionist side focused on what's directly in front of me, be it for the day or the next task at hand. It's my plan to never drink again, but I don't have plans for what I'll be doing this day in 2018.
But it starts with being willing to trust that you don't have to drink today. Just picture these words as if I were saying them in earnest: "I must drink a bottle of wine everyday, so how do I stay sober?" If that sounds like a contradictory statement to you, then I would advise a deep think about where you stand.
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