Feeling abnormal because we don't drink
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Feeling abnormal because we don't drink
fantail is in a situation of where it feels abnormal to not be drinking. A few times now I have gone through a thought process in my head of an event that I've attended where there was alcohol and I abstained. I felt the same. That I wasn't acting "normal" because I wasn't drinking. After the fact I reflected upon what "normal" would have been for me. In being totally and completely honest about exactly how I would have been I was thankful that I was NOT normal. Please feel free to join in, I plan to be brutally honest about my normal and will save this as a reminder to myself for future use.
The "normal" me as a drinker:
Beers 1 and 2 - Sip and guzzle, sip and guzzle. Loosening up, enjoying life, euphoric feeling of how good life is (aka false sense of euphoria). These beers took me anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes to get through. THIS, in honesty, is the only part I miss about drinking. Very short lived point in time though.
Beers 3 and 4 - My mouth would also begin to become loose. Having witnessed, in a sober state, someone else get to this point I would call it being overly friendly. Loud laughter, making comments that I would never make if not under the influence of alcohol. Boundaries being broken down that, in many cases, should not be. This is where the "where is my next beer and how can I keep this party going all night long?" began. This is also where Hyde would start to appear. The false LadyBlue but the fun loving LadyBlue (or so I thought) was appearing. This is where it was no longer about relaxing and having fun. It was all about pouring the greatest amount of alcohol that I could down my throat and how to just keep going.
Beers 5 and 6 - There was no topic of discussion that wasn't on the table. Comments to people that I would never make sober. Discussing issues about my marriage and any other problems that I had with anyone who would listen. Talking to people that I didn't even know that well as though I had known them forever. The slight to moderate slur of the words and a little imbalance going on. Gazing around at the beer supply, if I was getting low due to only bringing a six pack I needed to scope out who had a lot of beer so that I could ask if I could get "one" (right).
Beers 7 through Oblivion - The person that was LadyBlue was gone. Out emerged a person who cared absolutely nothing about dignity or boundaries. Slurring like an idiot and tripping over things. Still looking at beer supplies. Plotting and planning how to get everyone to keep on partying. Loud and obnoxious, points in time very hazy. In a complete and total fog (if not aware at all of anything).
Next morning - Conciousness coming on and the knowledge of a pounding heart and head. Thoughts about the prior evening and "what the hell did I do/say and who did I say/do it to?" Questions as to whether I texted or called anyone or posted on the internet for all the world to see. Covering my head with my second pillow and trying to just sleep, sleep, sleep until I could manage to drag my sorry butt out of bed at noon, if not well after. Spending the rest of a completely beautiful day with my head in a fog and feeling like crap. Coming down the stairs and gauging how bad the night really was based on whether my husband responded when I said good morning. He stopped going to anything with me at all because he was so embarrassed.
For what I posted above it's so tip of the iceberg, I could get deeper. However, there's enough there to show me that of what very little I got out of drinking it was maybe the first 30 minutes and certainly not worth what was coming the rest of the evening nor the next day. I was an idiot.
Since sobriety I have had the chance to watch others just like me go through the same stages. It's really sad to watch and to know that used to be me.
So not worth it.
I prefer the new normal. I can't believe how good I feel now.
The "normal" me as a drinker:
Beers 1 and 2 - Sip and guzzle, sip and guzzle. Loosening up, enjoying life, euphoric feeling of how good life is (aka false sense of euphoria). These beers took me anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes to get through. THIS, in honesty, is the only part I miss about drinking. Very short lived point in time though.
Beers 3 and 4 - My mouth would also begin to become loose. Having witnessed, in a sober state, someone else get to this point I would call it being overly friendly. Loud laughter, making comments that I would never make if not under the influence of alcohol. Boundaries being broken down that, in many cases, should not be. This is where the "where is my next beer and how can I keep this party going all night long?" began. This is also where Hyde would start to appear. The false LadyBlue but the fun loving LadyBlue (or so I thought) was appearing. This is where it was no longer about relaxing and having fun. It was all about pouring the greatest amount of alcohol that I could down my throat and how to just keep going.
Beers 5 and 6 - There was no topic of discussion that wasn't on the table. Comments to people that I would never make sober. Discussing issues about my marriage and any other problems that I had with anyone who would listen. Talking to people that I didn't even know that well as though I had known them forever. The slight to moderate slur of the words and a little imbalance going on. Gazing around at the beer supply, if I was getting low due to only bringing a six pack I needed to scope out who had a lot of beer so that I could ask if I could get "one" (right).
Beers 7 through Oblivion - The person that was LadyBlue was gone. Out emerged a person who cared absolutely nothing about dignity or boundaries. Slurring like an idiot and tripping over things. Still looking at beer supplies. Plotting and planning how to get everyone to keep on partying. Loud and obnoxious, points in time very hazy. In a complete and total fog (if not aware at all of anything).
Next morning - Conciousness coming on and the knowledge of a pounding heart and head. Thoughts about the prior evening and "what the hell did I do/say and who did I say/do it to?" Questions as to whether I texted or called anyone or posted on the internet for all the world to see. Covering my head with my second pillow and trying to just sleep, sleep, sleep until I could manage to drag my sorry butt out of bed at noon, if not well after. Spending the rest of a completely beautiful day with my head in a fog and feeling like crap. Coming down the stairs and gauging how bad the night really was based on whether my husband responded when I said good morning. He stopped going to anything with me at all because he was so embarrassed.
For what I posted above it's so tip of the iceberg, I could get deeper. However, there's enough there to show me that of what very little I got out of drinking it was maybe the first 30 minutes and certainly not worth what was coming the rest of the evening nor the next day. I was an idiot.
Since sobriety I have had the chance to watch others just like me go through the same stages. It's really sad to watch and to know that used to be me.
So not worth it.
I prefer the new normal. I can't believe how good I feel now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I did not even know what my normal was. I started drinking at 18 and although I was not a full blown alcoholic at that time the alcohol kept me from growing up in many ways. The small times I did not drink either when I was pregnant or when I attempted to stop before had me grow up some but I am not a 44 year old average "normal" woman.
I do find though that this time since I have quit I am growing up pretty fast in some areas but also slowly in others. I think the more sober experiences I have will help the parts that lag behind.
I try not to look at what was normal for me when I was drinking. I sort of feel due to the influence of alcohol that most of it was either false or distorted. All the feelings I had back then, good and bad, are not even close to the ones I have today. Today I have reality and at times it is hard to stare that in the face. I take the time today to think about things honestly and if I am wrong or need help then I reach out and admit it. I am no longer afraid of either even though it is down right hard at times but that is what keeps me sober. If I find myself not being honest with myself then I have to step back and ask why. This is the new "normal" for me.
I feel brand new. I see my faults as well as my strengths more clear than I ever have before. I am growing into my true self and I find I am not such a bad person after all. Now I have much work to do and many areas of improvement but just admitting that is a big step for me.
I am at peace with who I am today and were I am at. I know that may change but just for today I am as normal as I am going to be
I do find though that this time since I have quit I am growing up pretty fast in some areas but also slowly in others. I think the more sober experiences I have will help the parts that lag behind.
I try not to look at what was normal for me when I was drinking. I sort of feel due to the influence of alcohol that most of it was either false or distorted. All the feelings I had back then, good and bad, are not even close to the ones I have today. Today I have reality and at times it is hard to stare that in the face. I take the time today to think about things honestly and if I am wrong or need help then I reach out and admit it. I am no longer afraid of either even though it is down right hard at times but that is what keeps me sober. If I find myself not being honest with myself then I have to step back and ask why. This is the new "normal" for me.
I feel brand new. I see my faults as well as my strengths more clear than I ever have before. I am growing into my true self and I find I am not such a bad person after all. Now I have much work to do and many areas of improvement but just admitting that is a big step for me.
I am at peace with who I am today and were I am at. I know that may change but just for today I am as normal as I am going to be
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Thank you so much for this post, LadyBlue.
I went out last night and felt very dull and not normal. This is the second night in a row that this happened to me. I'm just not as much fun when I don't drink. But reading your post I felt so much better! Your description of a night of drinking was spot on. And I guess when you are with other people who are drinking, they consider all that crap normal and fun.
I really do worry that I'm going to lose a lot of friends. BUT then I think that I am doing this for ME, not them. I can't go back to who I was when I was drinking! but I'm sad at the same time.
Thank you!
I went out last night and felt very dull and not normal. This is the second night in a row that this happened to me. I'm just not as much fun when I don't drink. But reading your post I felt so much better! Your description of a night of drinking was spot on. And I guess when you are with other people who are drinking, they consider all that crap normal and fun.
I really do worry that I'm going to lose a lot of friends. BUT then I think that I am doing this for ME, not them. I can't go back to who I was when I was drinking! but I'm sad at the same time.
Thank you!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Say whiskey instead of beer and that's me exactly. About 3 drinks and it wasn't fun anymore just on a mission to drink as much as possible. Cravings would kick in with no way of satisfying them. Spin spin spin night after night for about 30 minutes of fun.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Yes, abnormal because we do not drink with our fellows - sure, but that is our CHOICE.
How REALLY abnormal do we become when the alcohol enters our system ? That is what I keep reminding myself.
This is what has led to my brief relapse after 2.3 years of continuous sobriety.
Great post !!!!
How REALLY abnormal do we become when the alcohol enters our system ? That is what I keep reminding myself.
This is what has led to my brief relapse after 2.3 years of continuous sobriety.
Great post !!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
Wow, your description of your "normal" drinking is so much like mine. It opens my eyes as to why I need to continue to stay sober. I'm having a hard time right now dealing with my boyfriend going out drinking and am SO tempted to drink also. But what I have to do is remember what MY "normal" drinking is like, just as you described, and know that drinking is not worth it in any way for me. Thank you for your post, I understand so well. It is nice to come here and find people who understand my feelings, since my boyfriend has no understanding of me whatsoever and he makes me feel like I'm some kind of weird alien for feeling the way I do about drinking - how it lures me even though I know of the bad consequences I will have if I do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 178
My extended family is 100% drinkers. Some problematic and some not. My parents, though, have been teetotalers their entire adult life, so when I stopped drinking, I looked to them to provide guidance on how to function in social situations. For them, as the night wears on, they loosen up and enjoy themselves as well as the drinkers. While they don't go to bars per se, they don't avoid socializing, or feel bored. They dance, laugh, and make really bad jokes. I'll trade their normal for my drunken normal any day!
I, too, was always chasing that 1-2 beer buzz. I just can't ever stop at that 1-2.
I, too, was always chasing that 1-2 beer buzz. I just can't ever stop at that 1-2.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Rather be a sober non conformist any day than a person who follows the crowd sheep like pouring poison down ya throat because everyone else does it.
Think I am moving on, because I am starting to enjoy social events far better now I am free from the dull repetitive bs that is alcoHELL.
Think I am moving on, because I am starting to enjoy social events far better now I am free from the dull repetitive bs that is alcoHELL.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 140
It weighed down on me a lot at first. Even now I guess I get a little worried about how people will react with me saying "I don't drink". I guess I get worried that it excludes me from being "one of the guys", but I have a fulfilled life where that's not my exact goal. Generally, when I would drink in public or with friends I never got too crazy because I was concerned with making an ass of myself. My real problem was drinking alone. But, to keep fixed the whole not drinking alone thing, I shouldn't drink at all.
I don't feel abnormal about not drinking. Nor do I feel better than those who can hang with it. We'll always have societal norms, but what we ingest into our bodies is our choice. I have more respect for people that are conscious of what they eat and drink. I don't look at alcohol with a stigma, and I know that I don't need to include it in my life.
I don't feel abnormal about not drinking. Nor do I feel better than those who can hang with it. We'll always have societal norms, but what we ingest into our bodies is our choice. I have more respect for people that are conscious of what they eat and drink. I don't look at alcohol with a stigma, and I know that I don't need to include it in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Great OP thanks....and following posts.
Not much too add.
It is normal for a person to seek help from an illness,
to refrain from what makes them sick.
It's not normal trying to drink responsibly knowing one is sick.
Not much too add.
It is normal for a person to seek help from an illness,
to refrain from what makes them sick.
It's not normal trying to drink responsibly knowing one is sick.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Great post LadyBlue. I spent so many years chasing the feeling that the first few drinks gave me hoping that the feeling would last all night. I was like Charlie Brown, convinced that this time Lucy wouldn't pull the football away this time. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Here's some data on "Normal" ... Quote from the US DOJ:
"A large majority of Americans either do not drink or drink infrequently. For this majority alcohol is an unimportant consumer product. According to the National Survey
on Drug Use and Health ... about 46 percent of adults 21 years of age and older report that they did not consume any alcohol in the past month and an additional 26 percent report drinking once a week or less."
"A large majority of Americans either do not drink or drink infrequently. For this majority alcohol is an unimportant consumer product. According to the National Survey
on Drug Use and Health ... about 46 percent of adults 21 years of age and older report that they did not consume any alcohol in the past month and an additional 26 percent report drinking once a week or less."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
This is becoming much less of an issue as the days pass by. I actually feel sorry for my friends who feel they have to drink to enjoy a weekend. I'm loving life more than I ever have and I'm sober. Amazing!
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