How to make new friends?
There you go. Just dropped back in and was shocked at some of the posts I see here. Anyway, just figure out what your interests are and go for it. And if you don't find anything, start something. I recently started my own Recovery Group. And one of the guide lines is - over 35 years of age, men only! The reason? Because that's who I relate to. Men sometimes like to be free to discuss things that relate to men in terms of their addition and as for the age group, I got tired of the 20-something young men and their attitudes. Maybe you could start something your interested in. Good luck.
Hi Frisky,
I am a very sociable person and have tons of very diverse friends (only a few close ones though, the word friend is used way too easily in the English language.)
Dave made some excellent suggestions about meeting people.
What I found out in life is that a lot of people tend to open up when others are interested in them. An example would be if you see a lady all the time at the grocery store and one day she has a very nice dress, compliment her.
If an acquaintance mentions a sick child or is going to school, ask them about it when you see them again. In order to communicate with people, one needs to be interested in people (I am not speaking about being nosy or gossipy here, just being open).
Being open minded when meeting other people is also very important. Case in point, one poster here made a generalization about a group of people I belong to (AA) without even knowing me. because I am in AA, he assumes I am a weirdo.
If this had been a conversation in real life and I had met him for the first time, I would not be interested in pursuing a friendship with that person.
I have a wide variety of friends and I meet them on our common grounds. For example a good friend of mine is an old fashioned monarchist. I would never engage in a political discussion with him (I am way on the left). When we speak, we talk about our common love of animals and our passion for horseback riding.
So basically: be interested in others, don't make assumptions about them (making assumptions is making an ass of ourselves LOL) follow through in subsequent meetings (it means not being self centered but caring about others) and meet people on the common grounds you have steering clear of the areas where you agree to disagree.
Isn't volunteering awesome? I volunteer at a food bank once a week and I get to meet very interesting people on a regular basis.
I am a very sociable person and have tons of very diverse friends (only a few close ones though, the word friend is used way too easily in the English language.)
Dave made some excellent suggestions about meeting people.
What I found out in life is that a lot of people tend to open up when others are interested in them. An example would be if you see a lady all the time at the grocery store and one day she has a very nice dress, compliment her.
If an acquaintance mentions a sick child or is going to school, ask them about it when you see them again. In order to communicate with people, one needs to be interested in people (I am not speaking about being nosy or gossipy here, just being open).
Being open minded when meeting other people is also very important. Case in point, one poster here made a generalization about a group of people I belong to (AA) without even knowing me. because I am in AA, he assumes I am a weirdo.
If this had been a conversation in real life and I had met him for the first time, I would not be interested in pursuing a friendship with that person.
I have a wide variety of friends and I meet them on our common grounds. For example a good friend of mine is an old fashioned monarchist. I would never engage in a political discussion with him (I am way on the left). When we speak, we talk about our common love of animals and our passion for horseback riding.
So basically: be interested in others, don't make assumptions about them (making assumptions is making an ass of ourselves LOL) follow through in subsequent meetings (it means not being self centered but caring about others) and meet people on the common grounds you have steering clear of the areas where you agree to disagree.
Isn't volunteering awesome? I volunteer at a food bank once a week and I get to meet very interesting people on a regular basis.
I know it might be a problem with someone who has social anxiety but also taking the lead in making an overture of friendship often has great results.
Let's say you like airplanes and in a conversation an acquaintance mentioned they like airplanes too. If you paid attention to it you might remember it when you see an air show is coming to town and take the first step by asking them if they'd like to go with you.
Worst which can happen is that they are busy that day, so nothing personal
I know some people are afraid of rejection but unless you take a risk you won t find out if that person might be a friend (and who knows, maybe they are shy too and were afraid to make an overture of friendship).
Let's say you like airplanes and in a conversation an acquaintance mentioned they like airplanes too. If you paid attention to it you might remember it when you see an air show is coming to town and take the first step by asking them if they'd like to go with you.
Worst which can happen is that they are busy that day, so nothing personal
I know some people are afraid of rejection but unless you take a risk you won t find out if that person might be a friend (and who knows, maybe they are shy too and were afraid to make an overture of friendship).
Sticking with the volunteering option are there any opportunities to get involved with any community arts projects in your area? I am not a sewer really but I am an arty type and I have been helping make costumes for a community arts project with a group of people who do all sorts of things like art workshops for kids with learning difficulties, in schools and various community projects. It is ace and something I am keen to keep doing. Not only is the work fun and worthwhile I have met more people in a very short space of time than I usually meet in a year, and because it is something I enjoy doing I actually have something in common with them. If your community doesn't appear to have anyone doing this stuff maybe it is something you could start yourself. I am sure there will be something somewhere though. Even my local addiction centre has an arts class...
The religious aspect of AA puts a hell of a lot of people off.
The whole 12-step programme is based on the belief in a higher power which is obviously slightly unnerving to an athiest.
This is actually an interesting read on it:
The Religion Virus: AA Is a Religion: Atheists Kicked Out
If it helps people, then fair enough.
The whole 12-step programme is based on the belief in a higher power which is obviously slightly unnerving to an athiest.
This is actually an interesting read on it:
The Religion Virus: AA Is a Religion: Atheists Kicked Out
If it helps people, then fair enough.
The religious aspect of AA puts a hell of a lot of people off.
The whole 12-step programme is based on the belief in a higher power which is obviously slightly unnerving to an athiest.
This is actually an interesting read on it:
The Religion Virus: AA Is a Religion: Atheists Kicked Out
If it helps people, then fair enough.
The whole 12-step programme is based on the belief in a higher power which is obviously slightly unnerving to an athiest.
This is actually an interesting read on it:
The Religion Virus: AA Is a Religion: Atheists Kicked Out
If it helps people, then fair enough.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 201
The smugness and the more-spiritually-fit-than-thou attitudes i encountered at AA meetings is why I shall not return. At one particular meeting I heard a fellow drone on and on about the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Principles and it's relationship to the Twelve Tribes referred to in the Bible. A newcomer spoke up and questioned
"Huh, what are you talking about???"
to which the the ridiculous orator shouted
"Read the Bible!"
the newcomer was taken aback and said
"Dude, I went to Hebrew school"
the obviously irritated old-timer retorted
"That doesn't count!"
I found it so appalling I began to laugh out loud. Realizing I was laughing alone, I promptly got up and walked out.
Noted, all groups are different and have different individuals I may be premature in saying that I won't return.
"Huh, what are you talking about???"
to which the the ridiculous orator shouted
"Read the Bible!"
the newcomer was taken aback and said
"Dude, I went to Hebrew school"
the obviously irritated old-timer retorted
"That doesn't count!"
I found it so appalling I began to laugh out loud. Realizing I was laughing alone, I promptly got up and walked out.
Noted, all groups are different and have different individuals I may be premature in saying that I won't return.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 201
tell me why does everyone that goes to aa, think its the only way to get sober.
They don’t. I’m in AA and I do not believe this. There are also lots of AA folks on this site who regularly state that AA is not the only way. Hence the premise of your question is false. Perhaps if you are on this site longer, or become more familiar with AA, this will become apparent to you.
News flash…. The agnostic groups mentioned in the link from the above post are alive and well and calling themselves AA groups! In fact there seem to be 5 different agnostic AA groups presently in Toronto. Here is more info if you are in the Toronto area. Note that two of the meetings are in a church! GTA Agnostic AA Meetings - AA Toronto Agnostics
Let’s be fair. There are hundreds if not thousands of agnostic groups in AA.
It’s been my experience that agnostics and atheists are very well tolerated in AA. If anything, the converse generally seems to be true. Several posts in this thread being good examples of that.
They don’t. I’m in AA and I do not believe this. There are also lots of AA folks on this site who regularly state that AA is not the only way. Hence the premise of your question is false. Perhaps if you are on this site longer, or become more familiar with AA, this will become apparent to you.
News flash…. The agnostic groups mentioned in the link from the above post are alive and well and calling themselves AA groups! In fact there seem to be 5 different agnostic AA groups presently in Toronto. Here is more info if you are in the Toronto area. Note that two of the meetings are in a church! GTA Agnostic AA Meetings - AA Toronto Agnostics
Let’s be fair. There are hundreds if not thousands of agnostic groups in AA.
It’s been my experience that agnostics and atheists are very well tolerated in AA. If anything, the converse generally seems to be true. Several posts in this thread being good examples of that.
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