Boorish Behavior When Drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 137
Boorish Behavior When Drinking
Tonight I went to a party with friends who were drinking. I almost relapsed because I acidently tasted some spiked cranberry juice that I thought was safe to drink. Since I had a strong program, I spit out the cranberry juice and immediately called two alcoholics to deal with the problem.
Then, I started to notice that the people drinking alcohol started to get real boorish. I do not mind if people drink, but drunk people are boorish for me. I find it no longer funny to see people drunk and wasted. I think it is not cool. I understand that normal people need a few drinks to loosen up socially, but after a while, there is a point when you need to stop drinking and sober up.
I could have gone to a sober event tonight, but I did not go tonight because I felt that I had easier time socially with this group of friends despite the alcohol being there. With this group of friends, I seem to have ability to magically resist to drinking alcohol, but the drunken behavior is starting to get my nerves.
I think that the problem is that when I around sober people, I want to have make friendship and conversation with them. However, a lot of time people in the program are closed off and kinda in their own social world. My other friends are more friendly and more receptive despite the drinking.
In conclusion, I should have gone to the sober event for the precise reason that I need to make more friends in the program. However, just meeting new people is not enough. I have to get phone numbers and call people a lot more than I want to. The phone is 10000 pound thing is and I have to call a lot more male alcoholics than I want before.
Making sober friends is a priority for me, but I think that I need to have a sense of urgency to do so. Otherwise, I will keeping on hanging out with same people and getting the same results. I might not relapse, but I should not be hanging with people in old playgrounds. Otherwise, this quote might come true ""If you hang around the barber shop long enough you're gonna get a hair cut."
A sense of urgency like the urgency for getting a job needs to be a priority. Replacing this set of friends for a new set of playmates is going to be difficult especially when I conditioned not to drink with this group of people and use number of defense mechanisms that I use to prevent relapse.
Any thoughts on this issues?
Then, I started to notice that the people drinking alcohol started to get real boorish. I do not mind if people drink, but drunk people are boorish for me. I find it no longer funny to see people drunk and wasted. I think it is not cool. I understand that normal people need a few drinks to loosen up socially, but after a while, there is a point when you need to stop drinking and sober up.
I could have gone to a sober event tonight, but I did not go tonight because I felt that I had easier time socially with this group of friends despite the alcohol being there. With this group of friends, I seem to have ability to magically resist to drinking alcohol, but the drunken behavior is starting to get my nerves.
I think that the problem is that when I around sober people, I want to have make friendship and conversation with them. However, a lot of time people in the program are closed off and kinda in their own social world. My other friends are more friendly and more receptive despite the drinking.
In conclusion, I should have gone to the sober event for the precise reason that I need to make more friends in the program. However, just meeting new people is not enough. I have to get phone numbers and call people a lot more than I want to. The phone is 10000 pound thing is and I have to call a lot more male alcoholics than I want before.
Making sober friends is a priority for me, but I think that I need to have a sense of urgency to do so. Otherwise, I will keeping on hanging out with same people and getting the same results. I might not relapse, but I should not be hanging with people in old playgrounds. Otherwise, this quote might come true ""If you hang around the barber shop long enough you're gonna get a hair cut."
A sense of urgency like the urgency for getting a job needs to be a priority. Replacing this set of friends for a new set of playmates is going to be difficult especially when I conditioned not to drink with this group of people and use number of defense mechanisms that I use to prevent relapse.
Any thoughts on this issues?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi again Crisco 
I think you have it right here:
I think being around people who are just out to get drunk is always going to be disappointing for guys like you and me.
We have different agendas as people in recovery.
Our old buds might be easier to talk to, but is the conversation really up to much?
D
I think you have it right here:
In conclusion, I should have gone to the sober event for the precise reason that I need to make more friends in the program. However, just meeting new people is not enough. I have to get phone numbers and call people a lot more than I want to. The phone is 10000 pound thing is and I have to call a lot more male alcoholics than I want before.
We have different agendas as people in recovery.
Our old buds might be easier to talk to, but is the conversation really up to much?
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Yeah, being an active alcoholic isn't good for the rèsumè, and rarely enhanced my love life. I went to a few parties in early sobriety, and saw myself in virtually everyone who got drunk. Not a pretty site. One of my favorite lines from the AA Big Book: "A man in the throes of alcoholism is an unlovely creature." "Unlovely?!" I would have chosen a different word.
It seemed easy to make friends when I was drinking since I almost exclusively spent time with other people who drank heavily. That was pretty much all we had in common with each other.
Making friends in "real life" takes time and patience. It's the struggle that enhances the reward. I learned over time that, rather than force the issue, I was better off leaving myself open to other people, in part by expressing my genuine curiosity about them, and then going with that particular flow.
I also learned that the more I became comfortable with myself, the more I trusted myself, the more at ease I felt with others. The friends I have in sobriety are much different -- and in significant ways -- than the friends I thought I had while active.
Originally Posted by crisco 
A sense of urgency like the urgency for getting a job needs to be a priority. Replacing this set of friends for a new set of playmates is going to be difficult especially when I conditioned not to drink with this group of people and use number of defense mechanisms that I use to prevent relapse.
Making friends in "real life" takes time and patience. It's the struggle that enhances the reward. I learned over time that, rather than force the issue, I was better off leaving myself open to other people, in part by expressing my genuine curiosity about them, and then going with that particular flow.
I also learned that the more I became comfortable with myself, the more I trusted myself, the more at ease I felt with others. The friends I have in sobriety are much different -- and in significant ways -- than the friends I thought I had while active.
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