fantail

I've had the incredible luck and luxury to basically retreat from all things stressful for the last five months. No job, no relationship, but enough savings, and enough friends. Yes, unemployment is stressful in its way... but it's been pretty much OK. On the whole, the only stressful thing I've had to deal with is recovery.

Well, now it's getting to be about time that I re-enter the world. And I'm finding myself very afraid of commitment. Nice guys call me and I don't call them back. I apply for very few jobs and am relieved when I don't get them.

I guess I don't have a question. It just dawned on me today that whoa, I have nearly nothing left of the identity that I had just six months ago. My "public" life was my job, and my private life was my drinking problem.

I feel really great, in general. But I find that I'm afraid to build anything on this new identity. Maybe I don't trust it yet?

EndGameNYC

What you describe is very common. Feeling vulnerable often signals change. You've only been the "new you" for about five months.

When I first got sober, I managed to hold on to my job. I was working as a bartender in Manhattan, of all things. My sponsor told me to keep the job unless I was overwhelmed by being around alcohol for much of the day, that working would help me stay sober, and that being unemployed and looking for work was not a good option for me.

He was right. I continued to work in that job for several years, switching to the day shift so that I could go to grad school in the evening. I went to plenty of meetings nearly every day, took up some sober activities and found that my life was fuller than ever before. I was living the dream. As an added bonus, I had wads of extra cash since I wasn't spending money on booze and drugs.

Going back to work and starting a new job is stressful for everyone, even if it's a job we love. Treat yourself as you would someone who has just recovered from a major medical condition, like open-heart surgery, and go about things in the moment as much as possible without placing too many expectations on what you should be doing and on how you should feel.

It won't take very long for you to feel comfortable once you start working for a while. Our fears often overcome us when we make future predictions based on past failures. My sponsor once told me that worrying about the future is like paying interest on a loan you never get. Maybe taking temp work on a part-time schedule in a low-stress job will help you get back in the swing of things?

FeenixxRising

I'm sure your feelings are normal. I'm not sure about the trust issue though. I think you trust the new you, but you're still learning to walk and may still be a little unsteady.

Assuming you're not financially desperate, you may want to take a temp job, part-time if possible. Or maybe a few hours volunteering. Really anything that is productive and that would get you out into the world.

GroundhogDay

I understand completely since I am in a similar position, except that I have a stable marriage. But no kids or job or other major commitments. The problem is that I am perfectly content with how things are right now. In fact, I've been happy the last two weeks. But I know that money will one day become an issue, so I keep applying for jobs that I don't want.