Mocktails?
 

A little backstory: I had been sober about six months when I met my boyfriend. I was sober another six months when I had my relapse at a Halloween party with him. I drank for a year solid before I decided to quit again.

Now I come home in the evenings and drink mocktails. Virgin mai tais and pina coladas without the rum. I think they're yummy and they keep my cravings down. However, my boyfriend doesn't like it, gives me crap about it, and says it's like I'm back in the habit of drinking again and headed towards a relapse. This hurts my feelings and I disagree.

What do you think?

For me anything like a mocktail or an NA beer was always a back door thing back to drinking...same behaviours...same sensations of holding the glass, similar flavours...

Other people seem to have no problem with it, but it was being a drinker vicariously for me.


There are many yummy drinks out there that don't remind me of the ones I used to drink.

why do you think it's so important to you to drink mocktails especially?

D

what i think is if it hurt yer feelings, theres some truth to it.
for me it would be Russian roulette.

what got rid of my cravings was T.I.M.E. and changing me and my attitudes.

I would not be able to drink mocktails. The devious, lying, alcoholic in me would eventually, discreetly put a shot of something in there someday.
I stick with club soda for all my drinking needs.
:)

I wasn't much of a specialty cocktail drinker, but if its mostly just juice type combos it wouldn't bother me. I drank bloody mary's, but still drink spiced up tomato juice. I drank screwdrivers, but still drink o.j. I drank rum and cokes, and still drink cokes. It doesn't make me crave them with alcohol.

I'm going to have to get on the bandwagon and say it's very risky behavior. In my own experience with NA Beer it only reinforced my brain's desire to drink real Alcoholic beverages. Eventually, I always relapsed on the backs of the "Mocktail"

I should also mention that studies have indicated an endorphin release shortly after the first sip before alcohol enters the blood stream. Your brain derives a similar satisfaction when you imbibe these non-alcoholic versions. You may be inadvertently reconditioning your brain to crave alcohol. Then again, maybe you'll be fine ;)

I steer well clear now of anything that remotely resembles something alcoholic. I have no desire to test fate.

I have to ditto KissMyTiara. A straight tonic water with lime is completely refreshing and has never made me crave a vodka tonic with lime. But I recognize its a completely individual thing.

There's a whole world of things you can drink now, you aren't limited to things that look like alcohol. Think of how great that is! Even if it's not a problem for you, it sounds like it's creating a problem in your relationship, and that's probably not going to help you stay sober. How about weighing the pros and cons of drinking that particular thing? Are you willing to give it up if it means a happier relationship?

I drank odouls when i quit ,They seemed to help me .

I may or may not be an alocholic , for sure im in the binge drinker / problem drinker area though .

The ritualizing that seems to be involved here makes me concerned. Everyone here knows a will have an occasional NA beer... So I am not immediately freaked out about NA beverages, but early on I think it's important to develop new rituals that help with the cravings. I sort of get why the mocktail might help initially, but, that's kinda the concern.

So, well, no I recommend something different to help with cravings.

I drank wine. When I was in rehab my counselor suggested that I have my husband move out the wine glasses, decanter, wine openers, ... That was 8 months ago. I don'tmiss the wine, the obsessin is gone. But, I do enjoy my club soda and lime. Just an idea...why not find nice glassware, a tranquil spot to sit and unwind, and enjoy a 'plain' drink. :-D

I think you and you alone know the answer to this. Because it's different for each of us.

Some of us might be using the mocktails as a pacifier...a way to hang onto the old days, but to others of us they are really just a tasty beverage.

I don't drink OJ because I can't drink it without thinking "this really would taste better with..."...but I like lime and tonic and don't miss the booze. I love virgin strawberry daquiris...but a virgin margartia is a waste of time far as I am concerned.

For me I often find the answer in "what's my motivation"...am I just enjoying something for it's own sake, or am I trying to "reward" myself...or squash down some other feelings etc. THAT was/is my danger zone. If I have a chocolate bar because I want some chocolate, it's fine. If I feel sorry for myself or angry and start stuffing chocolate into my face...it won't be long until I am looking to kill those feelings with something stronger.

That is how my addiction operates.

what might seem innocent of even healthy to someone else (go ahead, reward yourself, you deserve it!) is a slipperly slope for me.

Hard call. Personally, it wouldn't bother me. That's probably because when I drank hard liquor, I almost always did it straight up, no mixers. So having those mixers probably wouldn't bother me. I drink coke, root beer, orange juice, and never have a thought of adding booze to it .Mixed drinks, when I did have them, always had more than enough alcohol in them that the taste of the mixers was effectively changed. OJ was more like, vodka with a splash of oj. A margarita was..Tequila with the rest of the stuff. I don't honestly know if I know what a proper margarita is supposed to taste like!

Like someone else said though, it's the ritualization thing you need to be careful of. I know that my drinking had become ritualized and comforting and something I looked forward to. I don't find I do the same thing with plain OJ or soft drinks.

Now N/A beer, that would be a different story. Still tastes like beer, so, no, I'll keep away from that.

My two cents: could be dangerous, particularly if those were your drinks of choice. I have not even dared to go near a tonic water, wouldn't touch an NA beer with a 10 foot pole, and once made the mistake of buying NA wine to cook with -- just BUYING it triggered me!!

That said, I just enjoyed a virgin mango daiquiri at a bachelorette party last Friday with no triggers/problems whatsoever, because I never drank (alcoholic) fruity drinks. The "daiquiri" was just a smoothie in my mind.

What does your heart tell you when you pray about it?

Those specialty "mocktails" are kind of designed to be "mixers", aren't they? What does the packaging say - is this something that's marketed to drinkers? Is it advertised as a partner to alcohol? Do you buy it in the alcohol aisle at the super market?

Every situation is different. I guess I don't see that it's too harmful, provided it doesn't make you think of alcohol. In my case, drinking virgin mai thais would not be a good thing - if for no other reason that all that sugar would make me sick!

Perhaps you can switch over to some seltzer water with lemon? Something a little healthier? Just a thought. Congrats on your sobriety.

You have already been given some very good opinions in this thread, as was said, "what i think is if it hurt yer feelings, theres some truth to it."

I remember when I was first getting sober, I was hypersensitive to criticism when I already was unsure if I should be doing something. Having someone who was rooting for my success ask about a particular behavior was usually a good sign that I might be on dangerous ground. I have always loved the saying, "IF YOU HANG AROUND A BARBERSHOP LONGENOUGH, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY GET A HAIRCUT."

Perhaps finding a drink that isn't reminiscent of your alcohol laden beverages would be a good decision. That said, it is up to you and as you progress down the sober path I am sure you will know what works for you. I experienced cravings and desires in the first year or two that I don't give a thought to now. Error on the side of safety and you won't go wrong.

Best wishes,
Jon

nitenurse, only you know if this will lead to a backslide. Are you drinking mocktails because you miss drinking or because you like the taste? Only you know that answer.
I think your boyfriend's words hurt because deep down inside you know he may be kind of right.
Only you can figure that out...But don't try to lie to yourself. Be honest.

I've heard of a lot of people getting themselves in trouble with NA beer - I imagine the same risks are inherent to "mocktails."

My wife (6.5 years sober herself) has a lot of sayings, some of them (often AA inspired, I hate to say) annoy me. However, the one I really like is:

"The best way to resist temptation is to avoid it."

In early recovery, however long that lasts for me, I won't be setting foot in any bars if I can help it, won't be downing any mocktails, won't be going to any places where pot is smoked or drugs are used, won't be drinking NA beer, won't be going to any parties.

Your mileage may vary (YMMV) with this approach, but that's what I'm doing.

Could be risky. Might not be.

I have always avoided moctails. Never made one for myself. One reason I don't drink mocktails is that if I ever ordered one at a restaurant/open bar, etc., I would worry like crazy that it was made in error--with alcohol.


I have also always avoided so-called NA beer. But the NA beer seems like a somewhat different question.

"Similar satisfaction" to alcohol ingestion? "May be ...reconditioning ...brain to crave alcohol?" Would love a cite if you have one.

"Non alcoholic" beer typically contains alcohol.

The Dangers of Non-Alcoholic Beer