dbillyd

When you see people enjoying drinks in the park on a sunny day do you feel like you're missing out? Or having to say no to certain events - stag dos, parties etc.

Does it annoy you that you have this 'desease' of alcoholism?

How do you cope with these feelings?

dripdry

I don't.

Even when I was drinking normally, my life was a mess. I am learning to live now, so my life is better than ever. I mean ever. So I don't want a drink, or anything else that might lead me back to those days.

I really do believe I have an allergy to alcohol. It doesn't matter how it affects others, when I drink it bad things happen. Sometimes I get jealous of other good things people have in their lives that I feel my life would be nicer if I had, but I already know my life is not nicer when I drink.

MattyBoy

Generally no because even though I'm only two months sober, I've made my peace with the fact that I have this 'disease' and it ain't going away anytime soon. Sometimes I actually noticed that people appear jealous of my resolve to say no to drinking. My sister for example, although not an alcoholic, can't bring herself to refuse a drink in a social situation in which she doesn't want to drink because its 'taboo' and envies my ability to resist peer pressure etc.

I did struggle yesterday though as it was my birthday and I had to avoid seeing certain friends who wanted me to get hammered with them as that's what 'you're meant to do' on your birthday. It was then I thought how nice it would be for me to celebrate my birthday with a drink but I realised what I really wanted to do was get hammered and would probably be hammered now if I had succumbed yesterday. My desire to drink is a desire to get hammered, I couldn't care less about what type of beverage I was drinking, I just wanted to be off my head for a few hours. Normal people may genuinely enjoy the effect of alcohol but they don't associate it with just getting drunk as I do and so are able to enjoy moderate drinking. T be honest if I wasn't an alcoholic I still don't think I'd really drink because I much prefer the taste of soft drinks to alcohol.

I suppose the time it would come in handy for me not have this 'disease ' would be if offered a glass of champagne at a wedding or on New Year's Eve so it wouldn't be awkward but because I do I have to uncomfortably decline the drink which then leads to a barrage of questions about why I'm not drinking and if I'm on meds or have suddenly turned super religious.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

I cope knowing they are just feelings, not facts.

The fact is, for me, that the drinking normal train left the station a long, long time ago. So it's fruitless to yearn for something that can never be. I was never a normal drinker, will never be a normal drink, and therefore, can never drink again. Ever.

I wholeheartily accept that.

hayley86

No. I know i cant drink normally so i do not feel like i am missing out. If i was drinking i wouldn't be having any fun doing it and it would no doubt lead to disaster for me straight away. I definitely do not feel like i am missing out on anything because i don't know what it was like to drink "normally" and i guess you cant miss what you never had or did.

I don't say no to events because i am sober. I still go and i still very much enjoy social events and i am always thankful that i am sober at those events.

ImReadyToQuit

I feel concern and worry for those that drink "normally".. I started that way...

dbillyd

True. We only see the seemingly positive side of the drinking.

I often wonder how many people on my train to work have a hangover.

Sometimes I wish I could experience a 5 minute intense hangover to remind me how bad it is and why I had to stop drinking.

Lifewillgetbet

Im not going to lie, yes I miss the times drinking. And yes, it sucks being an alcoholic, however for me alcohol was ruining my life. Would I rather have a crap life and drink? or be sober, have a good healthy life and avoid 1 substance that was killing me? I chose option B.

ersatzmatriarch

nope, not jealous at all. i know i have a progressive, life-threatening disease which, if untreated, will kill me. i choose to treat it. to me, being jealous of those who can drink safely is pointless... i know what alcohol has done to me, and what it will continue to do to me if i drink, so i don't drink. what others can or can't do safely has no impact on the reality that i know i can't drink.

dbillyd

I've only been sober for 4 weeks now after several periods of abstinence over the past 2 years.

I want to get to the stage where I don't really think about alcohol at all. Where it feels natural not to drink. I guess that's months / years down the line. I'm a bit impatient.

karate

Does anyone really drink normally ??

cb1

Yip Yip Yip. I do get jealous...BUT..... I will be the one the next day not sick. AND, I started out as one of those "normal" drinkers.......I would like to tell some of my family....stop while you are ahead, or you are going down the wrong road just like i DID!

Nonsensical

There's no real skill to normal drinking. You either have it or you don't. I don't.

I am, however, completely envious of addicts who have stayed stopped for months and years. Those people have done something special.

Olive1

Do you get jealous of people who can drink normally?

I am envious in the same way I am envious of George Clooney's next girlfriend. I think, 'wouldn't that be nice!' But then you think of all the crap that goes with it, like I would have to wear nice clothes all the time, get my picture taken, ugh, and probably would not get to watch all the trash television I love so much.
In other words, it is just a fleeting thought on a rare occasion.

Or having to say no to certain events - stag dos, parties etc.

I have also found that I would drink to go to said events just to fit in, when in reality I didn't really like social events all that much to begin with.

aasharon90

Yes, I use to have mixed emotions when
I would see others drinking alcohol and
having a grand old time. Holidays come
around, tailgating parties, all sorts of
reasons to drink knowing I couldn't
control my drinking or just drink normal
like others could.

That was my feelings 22 yrs ago, and today
it's much different because I have the knowledge
of my addiction and how it affects me, my
mind, body and soul. Today, I can't worry
about other peoples business and the how
and why's they can get away from it and I
couldn't and can't.

Knowledge is a wonderful thing. Just to be
taught and fed important information about
the addiction of alcohol or drugs and it's
affects on some people and not others and
given useful tools of a recovery program to
guide us along each day is pretty powerful.

Today, there are soooooo many folks, young,
in the middle, older, that are struggling with
addiction, many dieing because of it and don't
know who to ask for help, where to find it. Thank
goodness we have many sources with todays
technology to answer those questions.

The most rewarding gift in recovery is.....I, like
so many never have to go thru learning to stay
sober or clean on our on again. We are never, ever
alone. And that is comforting.

Suddenly I don't feel different from many like
I use to. In fact, I feel blessed.

You can too...!!!

EndGameNYC

Though I accepted a long time ago what I am, I'm not happy that I'm an alcoholic. I'm happy for what life's given me since I put down the drink.

I don't envy people who can drink "normally," because I was never satisfied drinking that way. As for people who drink like I drank, well, seeing them in action, I won't no part of it.

Retep

I am jealous of those people who can drink normally, I always have been even when I was drinking because I have never been able to.

I would have loved to be the guy at the party who has a couple, has a laugh, and wakes up fresh. But I am never going to be that guy. I've tried really hard to be that guy.

So no drink is the only option, jealous or not.

karate

Not as jealous as my co-workers seem to be of this middle aged fellow with a ripped six pack and 15" arms .

Bet i get asked a dozen times a week "What do you do ".

Answer is the same -" i substitute exercise and nutrition for excessive drinking ",


DONT miss the hangovers at all !


We as alocholics will have obsessions ,i just morphed mine into exercise ,connection with God ,and self improvement .

A healthy addaction ,or mostly healthy .

JJB

I don't feel envious of people drinking in parks, I feel sorry for them and just think well I'm lucky I didn't end up like that!
The only people I envied/envy were/are people who didn't LIKE alcoholic drinks and would just have half a glass of champagne at special occasions and not even finish it.

LadyBlue0527

It's interesting how my answer to this question has morphed over the past 50 days.

The first week or so I didn't want to see anyone tip a beer when it was my witching hour (actually witching days which are Fridays and Saturdays). Someone used that term today and I found it amusing.

After getting past that first weekend and feeling like I did I felt a little bit better about it. Thankfully my husband isn't a big drinker but I told him that if he wanted to hang out with his friend who is a hardcore alcoholic I told him to have at it but just be respectful of what I am in the process of when he came home.

For each weekend that passes that I remain sober (7 full weekends now) the actual thought process of not being able to drink is subsiding a bit at a time. In fact, I find it somewhat interesting to watch people drink. Not stare or obsess but to analyze my preconceptions previously to what I can see through clarity now.
Most that I thought were normal drinkers really aren't. It's just that they drank less than me so I thought that they were. People that I used to excuse previously for all and any actions I feel bad for. However, that's their life, I can only control me. I can say though that I'm thankful that's not me anymore.

Finally, I'mReadytoQuit said it best

Editing for one more thought. Even though I get the periodic urges and cravings on the weekends one thing has remained consistent for me. Once past that first weekend it's been becoming increasingly clear how useless alcohol really is. It serves absolutely no purpose. It doesn't solve problems and it doesn't make you a better person no matter what you might think while you're gulping it. Far more apparent is how awesome it is to walk away from a gathering etc with no hangover and my dignity and accountability fully in tow. It doesn't get better than that.